


Wounds of the Spirit

by Katie237



Series: Identity [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU Post-Season 2 Finale, Barry is acting distant, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-03-25 03:29:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13825536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie237/pseuds/Katie237
Summary: 3 months after Hyde's defeat, a new enemy, with the power to disable other metas' abilities, starts rising up in Central City, and he's determined to start his personal vendetta against the Flash who's still picking up the pieces after everything. To take him down, Team Flash will need to uncover the secret as to why this Meta is so hell-bent on revenge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,  
> After some people, especially asunamisa, but also Cira and a couple of others, had given back some life into the site and the comment section, I'm taking a chance with posting a new story, Hopefully you'll like it and be there for it :)

''Are you sure you're ready for this, Cisco?'' Inquired Caitlin into the comm, sitting behind the main cortex desk.

''Maybe you should let the cops handle it'' Added Iris, standing right behind the young doctor, doubt easily hearable in her voice.

''Yeah, I'm sure there's a mugger around the corner that could be an easier start for you.'' Agreed Caitlin, nodding as she spoke, without realizing the person at the other end of the line couldn't see it.

''Really?'' Answered Cisco over his com system, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. ''Your overwhelming confidence in my abilities is touching. ''

As he was talking, the young man stepped out of the darkness, approaching the door of that old abandoned apartment building.

Since Barry left town, almost 3 months ago, the team worked hard to keep themselves busy, not wanting to think too much about Barry's decision, or think about where he was, if was ok, if he was ever planning on coming back…The young engineer managed in this time frame to build himself a full Vibe suit, complete with a pair of gauntlets to help him channel and gain better control of his powers. Plus, he also managed to complete his speed lab project with the help of everyone; Caitlin, Joe, even Wally and Iris. Now, everything was ready, everything was in place for it to be operational, well except for a speedster to take a few laps around the track.

Despite Barry's wish to not go look for him, Cisco still tried. Of course he did, he needed to know if his best friend was ok, they all needed it. Was Barry resting on a beach somewhere in Florida? Was he busy sightseeing all around the country, looking to find himself again? Or…biggest question; was he even still alive? Even if nobody dared to bring up that possibility out loud, there wasn't a single mind who hadn't thought about it, especially since the last person who got saved by Constantine ended up taking his own life over the guilt of his actions. It was worrying everyone a little bit more with each passing day, especially considering the fact that there was no trace of the speedster anywhere; none of his credit cards had been used since he left, their software for facial recognition couldn't pinpoint his face anywhere in the country and his bank account had been left untouched since he took off, leaving his cell phone behind at the same time. Barry just fell off the face of the Earth, again.

Where was he? How was he living out of nothing? Unless he suddenly decided to rob stores and banks or was living under a bridge somewhere eating garbage like Ronnie and Stein after the explosion, chances of Barry being alive and well weren't that good.

''Come on Cisco, you can't afford worrying about Barry right now.'' Whispered the young engineer to himself, he had a job to do and he had a feeling it wasn't going to be easy.

If Flash wasn't coming back in town anytime soon, someone needed to protect Central City's citizen and why couldn't it be Vibe? Cisco thought it was worth the shot, people of this city still needed protecting, especially considering the criminals that came out of hiding once they saw that Flash was gone, again. Despite multiple witnesses of the blur and Iris' article back in October, when Hyde got killed, that Flash was still alive and had saved them from an unknown danger, it didn't took long for people to realize that their hero had abandoned them after that event.

''Just remember that he already killed somebody.'' Said Iris, nervously playing with her long necklace.

''More like two, actually.'' Corrected Caitlin, nervously, earning a  _'Not helping'_  glare from her friend.

''I know, I know, first sign of trouble I'll run. Alright, I'm going in.''

Both women shared a concerned look, but knew better than keep arguing, it was too late to change the young man's mind.

''Alright, just be careful.'' Said Caitlin, glad they were able to convince Cisco to put sensors in the Vibe suit to follow his vitals. Hopefully, this first try in the field wouldn't be a total disaster. Why did all her friends felt the urges to be heroes?

''Always am.''

Despite his confident words, Cisco still felt his heartbeat pick up the pace a little bit as he carefully opened the unlocked front door, making his way inside, gauntlets raise high, ready to defend himself at any moment. From the security videos they were able to hack into of this guy's last couple of attacks, everyone who tried to defy him suddenly ended up falling on the ground, numb and in pain. Even though the team didn't really know, yet, what his exact powers were and how to neutralize them, Cisco still felt he had the upper hand as long as the element of surprise was on his side; this guy had no idea he was a meta, all he needed to do was knock him down before the other guy could attack.

From the vibe was able to get, he knew which apartment this guy was staying, allowing Cisco to swiftly move to the 3rd floor, right in front of the correct door, ready for action. Here goes nothing. It was only as he carefully approached the door that Vibe started really questioning his plan of action; how do you get inside or break the door without being seen? Not like he was a master criminal or could just phase right through it….Oh well, looks like it was going to be a pretty straight forward attack.

Alright, let's do this. Positioning himself in front of the apartment door, Cisco took a deep breath, getting all the needed energy ready for the attack. Positioning his arms in the air, pointing toward the door, Cisco started a countdown in his head; all he needed to do was break it open with his powers, get in, knock the man down before he could do anything and save CCPD a whole week of work.

3\. 2. 1…nothing. Absolutely nothing came out of his gauntlets.

''Guys.'' He said quietly and nervously in his comm. ''I don't have my powers anymore. ''

''What?! What's that supposed to mean?'' He instantly heard Caitlin's worried voice.

''It mean I don't have my powers.'' What else was this supposed to mean? He could feel a cold shiver passing in his spine.

''Get out of there, NOW!'' Answered back Caitlin without missing a beat.

Too late, by the time Caitlin's words registered in Cisco's mind, the door started by itself. Well, technically not by itself as a very tall man appeared on the other side of it, all dressed in black, wearing a black hoodie with the hood on and a ninja-like mask covering his mouth.

''You're a meta aren't you?'' He said with his deep, creepy voice.

So much for the surprise. How in the hell did this guy even knew that?

'''I…It's ridiculous, I was just…you know.'' For once in his life Cisco ended up being at a loss of word, stumbling on them. He wasn't expecting this turn of event, especially when being so powerless, literally.

''I could feel your powers before you even entered this room. ''

''I don't know what you're talking about… '' Tried to deny Cisco, hearing in his ear the screams of his friends trying to contact him, probably seeing his vitals spiking under the stress and fear he was under right now, knowing that there was no panic button to hit to call Flash at the rescue. He was on his own. Despite the none-stop pumping in his ears, he swore he heard something about calling for help, help was good.

''There, there. Not need to deny it. '' The criminal scoffed under his mask. ''I'll make you a deal, tell me what I want, and I'll let you live.''

It couldn't be that easy, never was with villains, but it was worth asking. Worst case scenario, it would only help gain time 'til Joe was there.

''I'll bite.'' He firmly said, keeping his head high and looking straight in the other man's eyes in defiance. ''What is it that you want?''

''Isn't it obvious?'' Despite the presence of the mask hiding the lower part of this man's face, Cisco could tell he was smiling. ''I want what every criminal in this town came in for; I want the Flash.''

Oh good, another villain after Flash, too bad his timing was off.

''Flash? Haven't you heard pal? He left town, you're not going to find him here. '' Cisco couldn't stop the shaking in his voice as he was already trying to peak around to see if he could try and make a run for it. Without his powers he was no match against this tall and muscled guy. Why did this guy just had to pick the apartment right in the middle of the hallway? There wasn't anywhere to hide.

''Something tell me you know where he's hiding. You vigilantes always seem to stick together.''

''Yeah, well, what can I say? You can't always be right. He's gone so you can go on, rob your bank and move on, or whatever else float your boat.'' Cisco clenched his fists, carefully studying his adversary, searching for a sign he was about to attack, while trying to gain every possible second.

''Oh, if only it was this simple, but I need the Flash. I need payback for what he did. For what he took for me.''

Cisco frowned at this. Had he seen that man before? He couldn't quite remember, maybe if he wasn't hiding half of his face. It was personal. Who had Barry pissed off that wasn't dead or in prison right now?

 _'Think Cisco, think. '_  He mentally encouraged himself, but just couldn't find a name fitting the man's physical.

''Hey, for your information, it wasn't my choice that he left town, ok?'' It definitely came out harsher than intended, but it wasn't exactly a conversation the engineer felt like having right now, especially not under theses conditions. ''And I wouldn't keep my breath if I were you for Flash to come back anytime soon.''

''Well, that's too bad, that mean I'll have no other choice but to kill you.'' As the man was speaking, Cisco could see the eyes started to intensively glare at him with hate.

Before Cisco had any time to react, he felt his limbs going numb, sending his legs shaking under his own weight as gravity attracted him right to the ground, falling with a loud bang. He could still hear the worried voices in his ear as sudden pain started appearing in his chest.

''Cisco! What's happening!''

Just as he felt his time was coming to an end, a rush of wind passed right in front of him, alongside of a signature lighting, before immobilizing itself in the apartment, right behind the other man.

''Stop!'' Said a vibrating and commanding voice, a voice that Cisco instantly recognized before he even had the chance to get his head up and see a familiar and tall figure wearing a dark black and blue speedster suit, the exact same suit that went missing the same day than his friend.

''B…GHOST!'' He exclaimed with a mixture of shock and joy.

The speedster's eyes fell on him for a moment, widening in surprise to end up face to face with his friend, clearly not expecting Cisco to be there, but didn't say a thing that would give away the fact that they knew each other.

''Ghost!'' Growled the other man as he also recognized his new adversary, approaching him in a threatening way. ''How dare you show your face? ''

''Let this man go and we can figure this out. ''

Recovering on his elbows and looking up, Vibe made eye contact with the Ghost again, noticing the intense look he was getting in return, urging him to leave now. What game was Barry playing at? Why hadn't he taken this man down already? Unless….unless he was just as powerless. If Barry came just as unprepared as he did, they were both done. Suddenly, in the corner of his eyes, Cisco saw the man in the black hoodie taking something off the dusty floor.

''Watch out!'' He yelled, trying to warm Barry.

The speedster took his eyes off Vibe instantly, but he wasn't fast enough, no doubt now that he was just as powerless as Cisco, as he barely had time to see what was coming before a broken metal pole was violently thrusted in his left thigh.

''Stop!'' Yelled Cisco, struggling to get up on his feet as the sound of his voice was lost in the cry of anguish that left Barry's lips as the speedster fell on the floor in pain.


	2. 8:23 pm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cisco and Barry are in troube

''Step away from him!'' Ordered Cisco, ready to take out this guy in a hand-to-hand combat if he had to. Power or no power, the engineer was determined to defend the speedster's life at all cost. He didn't wait months to see Barry come back to them just to lose his friend forever at the end of this new psycho who somehow possessed a hate for both Flash and Ghost.

''I'm surprise you two even know each other.'' Laughed the hood man, not caring about the empty threat he just received from the depower Vibe. Grabbing another metallic pole, he close in to the fallen speedster, determined to stop messing around and finish the job.

He barely had his hands on his new weapon that Cisco flew right at him, punching the guy right across the face, adrenaline filling his body, making him forget the pain and the numb feelings in his limbs. Nobody was going to take his friend away from him.

Vibe's hand barely connected with his target that his adversary turned around, sharply hitting Cisco on his right side, efficiently cutting the air supply, sending him crashing on the ground, a couple of feet away. Despite the pain in his leg, Barry managed to get back up and lunge himself forward, succefully gaining the man's attention, distracting him from Cisco, still recuperating from the shock, on the ground. While succeeding in giving his friend a break, he received the metal pole right across the chest, sending him many meters away, crashing into the closed window at the back of the room. The sound of broken glass pushed Cisco back on his feet, charging into the room, eyes widening in horror at the view of the two dark blue gloves desperately trying to hang on the window's frame, desperately clenching at anything to help him pull himself back on safe ground.

''No!''

His instincts kicked in before his brain could really understand what he was doing, dashing passed his adversary and straight at the window, his arms stretched as far as humanly possible to try and catch his friend, he was so close, he could help him…Cisco was barely inches away when the speedsters' hand lost their grip and disappeared from the view.

''NOO!'' He screamed louder, his body coming to a violent halt, connecting with the wall and the window's frame as he reached the limit of the room, his eyes going down just in time to helplessly witness the end of his friend's fall from the 3rd floor, right on the pavement.

''Barry! '' He found himself screaming, the word leaving his lips without consciously realizing he just let slip the Ghost's identity. Thankfully, the other man had already left the room, which could not be such a good thing if he was on his way to make sure the job was done.

Looking down from the view of the 3rd floor's broken window, it was hard to tell in the darkness if the man down was moving, if Barry was even alive. The very dim street light wasn't much help to discern anything, other than a form lying on the ground.

''Oh, thank God.'' He whispered, the second he heard groans of pain coming from the pavement; the speedster was still alive.

Never in his life had Cisco been more grateful to hear police's siren approaching in the distance. Joe was on his way!

''Don't move, help's coming!''

It was at that moment Cisco finally realized that the attacker was gone. Was that man going to finish Barry off? Even if his intended target was Flash, this man clearly had no lost love for the Ghost either. In a heartbeat, Vibe left the room too and sprinted in the stairs, ignoring the pain in his side from the hit he just received. It didn't take long before he was heavily breathing under the effort, giving everything he had in that sprint in hope to get down there before the Meta, or at least before the other man had the chance to do anything more. Puffing as he got to ground level, wishing he had taken a couple of laps of training around that speed lab himself before going out on a mission, Cisco ran outside, harshly pushing the door wide open and scanning around. Other than the approaching siren, the only sound he heard was the sound of someone running away. Turning his head to the right, he barely got the time to catch a glimpse of the mysterious meta he just fought as he disappeared in the darkness, turning around the corner of the street. They would need to get him another day as there were more urgent things to attend to right now.

Turning his heel in the opposite direction, Cisco dashed to the location under the window, where Barry badly fell.

''Please be ok, please be ok.'' He told himself, closing in the right spot.

Where was that spot exactly? It was around here, Cisco just knew it, but he couldn't see a single body on the ground or hear the grunts of pain anymore. If only there was more light around these parts. Looking down a bit more carefully, that's when he finally saw it; the pool of blood on the pavement, instantly making him gasp. At least, there wasn't any body lying unresponsive in it, which was good, but he couldn't have gone too far after that fall, not to mention the injury he got fighting moments earlier.

''Barry? Answer me, man. Make a sound.'' Called out Cisco again, and again, walking a couple of steps into the darkness of the dark alley. Barry just had to be close by, probably just hiding to protect his life. ''He's gone now, just tell me where you are and we'll help you. Caitlin can take a look at your wounds.''

Silence and darkness were the only answers he got, maybe he wasn't looking at the right place. Turning around, back to where he started, he knelt next to the blood puddle, not even noticing the figure that crawled from behind the garbage container in the alley, barely steps away from where Cisco was standing a moment ago. The only thing Cisco needed to do right now to see the Ghost was to turn around just one last time. His best friend was just there, sitting in the middle of the alley, taking back his mask to reveal his pained expression. There was hesitation all over his face; what should he do? Part of him just needed to make a sound and let his presence known, and yet there still was that other part holding him back. He couldn't come back, not yet, he wasn't ready.

Cisco didn't turn around, too busy staring at the blood on the ground; it wasn't that big of a pool, meaning that at the very least Barry probably wasn't bleeding out at the moment. Unconsciously, Vibe lowered his hand all the way to the ground. The second he made contact, he froze, a familiar sensation spreading in his body, disconnecting his mind from the present time and place and sending it somewhere else.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

The next second, he wasn't in the dark on the pavement anymore; he was witnessing Barry, with his mask on, badly limping in an old apartment building hallway. While this place wasn't abandoned like the one they just went in, it looked incredibly old, dusty and falling apart, a place that nobody respecting himself would ever choose to live in this. His left hand would go down every couple of steps to graze the metal pole still impaled in his thigh, only leaving the wound alone to grab the filthy wall in a weak attempt to keep his balance and keep advancing toward his goal. Blood was staining his costume and it was hard to tell if the bleeding had completely stopped by now or if it was still flowing on the suit and on the ground too. But to be honest, there was no way to tell if any fluid was falling on the dark brown carpet that probably hasn't been washed in like, ever, since that building was built.

Finally making his way to room 401, right at the corner of the hallway, Barry quickly glanced over his shoulder before swiftly unlocking the door with shaking hands. Entering the dusty premises, that was almost just as messy, empty and grubby than the rest of this building, he grunted under the effort to make the final steps to the small bathroom, before letting himself collapse on the floor. His exhausted, pained, body was visually shaking as the speedster used his remaining strength to try and grab his cellphone next to the bathroom sink, only succeeding in clumsily making it fall to the ground next to him. Finally getting a hold on the device, he quick dialed a number, an unknown number to Cisco, as the vibe was slowly starting to fade away.

''Barry?'' Said a feminine, but distorted voice sounding like it was coming from far, far away.

''He…l…''

''B…..r…''

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

Cisco gasped like a drowning man as he was violently sent back to reality. 8:23 pm, that was the time he saw on the cellphone. It couldn't be that late just yet. If he was right, he still had time. He couldn't find Barry right now, but he now knew where the man was going to be, or at least he had part of the answer. And who was that woman? Her voice was very familiar, very familiar, and yet he was sure it wasn't someone working with him on a daily basis. It sadly meant the speedster wasn't going to call Caitlin for help, despite his condition. Who else?

''Cisco! Are you ok?!''

Cisco instantly turned around to the sound of another familiar voice; Joe West had arrived while Vibe was in a trance and was now running toward his position, his voice full of concern. The detective's eyes widened the second Cisco got back on his feet.

''Hey, hey, don't move, stay down.'' Urgently added the detective, rushing to go to the scientist's side, extending his arm to support him.

It took a moment for Cisco to understand the reason of that panic, until he finally noticed Barry's blood on the lower part of both his legs and on his hands.

''No, no.'' He corrected, moving out of the detective's grip. ''It's not my blood, I'm fine.'' Well, except for his side that was still hurting like hell, hopefully he wasn't stuck with another broken bone, barely couple of weeks after getting free of his arm's cast.

''Then, who's blood is it? What the hell happened?''

''It's….'' It's Barry, Joe needed to know, but Cisco had a bad feeling about all of this. If, despite his injuries the speedster still decided to leave, it only meant that something was still holding him back, whether it was mental or something more. Either way, Barry wasn't coming back soon, unless Cisco could just talk to him alone and try figure things out together. That's it, that was the plan, for now.

''I'm not sure. '' He finally lied to Joe. ''But the Meta is gone for now. I'll explain everything once we're back at the labs. Let's go.''

Joe gave him an uneasy look, but still decided to trust the engineer's judgment, nodding, it will have to wait for a moment. Witnessing the trust the older man had in him, Cisco felt guilt in his stomach knowing he was hiding the biggest secret at the moment. Both the detective and the engineer started walking away from the scene, completely unaware of the pair of sad eyes still sitting in the alley behind, watching his and Joe's every move.

 _'You're doing it for Barry, and indirectly for all of us.'_  Cisco told himself, trying to convince his mind he was doing the right thing.

''Wait.'' He said, just before entering the detective's car. ''What time is it?''

''It's…7:41. Why?'' Answered Joe, frowning, after he had the chance to look at his watch.

''Nothing, just…asking.''

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''There you go.'' Said Caitlin, finalizing her examination and taking her gloves off. ''You're pretty lucky you didn't have any bruise or broken rib. Pretty sure we told you to be careful.''

''I was!'' Defended the engineer, insulted.

''Yeah, well, the huge ecchymosis on your side might disagree with that. '' Said Caitlin, trying to sound annoyed, but relief was still clear in her voice, happy that while nothing happened as planned, Cisco came back fine. Mostly.

''Let me get this straight.'' Intervened Joe, who had his back against the door of the medical bay, standing next to his daughter. ''Our target attacked you, but stopped when this other…person, appeared out of nowhere?'' Cisco nodded. ''And you were able to get out of them while both of them were fighting each other?''

''That's pretty much it. Guess he hated that new person more than he hated me.''

''Something doesn't make sense here.''

''How can this guy neutralize your abilities?'' Wondered Caitlin, her brain already starting to work on the problem. ''You think we could try and get a simple of his blood or-?''

''Look-'' Interrupted Cisco before looking at his phone resting on the table next to him, checking the time; 8:20 pm. It was almost time. ''I'm just tired can we look at this tomorrow?''

''Yeah…sure.'' Slowly replied Caitlin, sending not-so-subtle looks at everyone around; something was definitely up with her friend, Cisco doesn't just call it a night like that with a killer on the loose and without debriefing everything in detail with the team. Unless he was just in a bad place after his first and disastrous mission. After all, Barry did almost quit after his first encounter with Multiplex. Some alone time might be what he needed right now.

''If you want to talk, call me. '' Added Caitlin, making her way out of the lab, followed by the rest of the team.

''Sure.'' He said absently just before his friends were too far away to hear, his mind working hard on figuring who that woman on the phone was. It was killing him, he just knew who It was.

 _'Think Cisco, think.'_  He told himself, eyes closed in concentration before snapping them open a moment later, jumping off the medical bed and on his feet. Felicity! Had to be. Who else? That would surely explain how their speedster' friend was able to completely disappear off the map; she's the one who helped him disappear without leaving a single trace behind. She probably got him his new phone and fake credentials and credit cards to stay off the grid, after all, he must've known his friends would still try to come after him.

But why? Why would Felicity, of all people, just help Barry like that without telling the rest of the hero's team? After everything that happened with Oliver in the last couple of years, she should've been the first person to know what it's like to be a long time without having news of someone you care about. Why didn't she say something?

First thing first; taking out his phone, he dialed the number he saw in his vision, the other line picking up immediately.

''Hang in there Barry, I'm on my way. Stay wit-'' Instantly said Felicity's worried voice.

''Hello Felicity.'' Interrupted Cisco dryly. ''Where's Barry?''

Instantaneously, the other line went dead silent.

''Hey…Cisco. Barry? Barry who? I don't…''

''Cut it, I'm aware that you know where Barry is, I also know he called you barely a minute ago and he's hurt.''

''How do you…What makes you think that-''

''I have powers, remember? Now, tell me where ''

''Cisco, he's…he wouldn't be too happy if I was to tell you.'' Finally said Felicity, after another moment of hesitation, admitting defeat. There was no point playing numb anymore.

''Felicity, he's hurt, bad. I was there. He fell from the 3rd floor window, but he hid before I could get down.'' No need for powers to hear, feel, the hesitation. ''Please, Felicity, he's my friend, let me help.''

''I know I'm going to regret this, but…fine. Are you at S.T.A.R.?'' She finally conceded.

''Yes.''

''I'll pick you up in 10 minutes.'' She said before ending the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment and try not to murder Barry for being an idiot, I still need him :O
> 
> I have so many chapters written, so i'll try to post them one or two every week to try and catch up with where I am with the trilogy


	3. Hero's Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's up to Felicity and Cisco to take care of their wounded hero

First thing first; supplies. Going back into the medical back, Cisco made a quick, but thorough check up to make sure nobody was in the cortex or in the adjacent rooms before entering back into the medical area. Quickly spotting Caitlin's urgency medical bag on the ground, he grabbed it and took a quick look inside to be sure he had all the bandages and supply he would need to take care of the wounded hero. More importantly than the bandages, he could use something to take the metal pole out of his friend's leg. Maybe he could use his pliers from his workshop? The thought of the pain it was going to cause had Cisco already grimacing in sympathy, but it's not like he had much of a choice with Barry's fast metabolism burning through any pain medication.

If only he could bring Caitlin along…But he didn't want to risk pushing Barry farther away before they had a chance to talk. No time to waste, Felicity was probably about to arrive at any time now in the parking lot.

Sneaking out of the room, Cisco was mentally crossing his fingers, hoping he wasn't about to meet anyone while making his way out. Thankfully, but not without a little guilt in the stomach for his actions, he was able to make it outside without a problem, and just in time too as a little blue car stopped at the lab's entry.

''Hey.'' Greeted Felicity, awkwardly smiling as the engineer took place in the passenger's seat, intensively glaring at the young blond woman who had her hair attached in her signature ponytail. It was taking a lot of self-control from Cisco right now to try and hold back any judgment call until he had her side of the story. There just _had_  to be a good reason why Felicity decided to help Barry stay hidden from all his friends.

''I hope you have a good explanation''

''Hum hum.'' Mumbled Felicity, nervously nodding and tapping on the wheel as she sped away from the lab, both of the car's occupants needing to get to the speedster as fast as possible. Questions could wait…or at least that's what Cisco thought for about 50 seconds, give or take. He needed some answers and he needed them right now.

''How long have you known?'' He finally asked, seeing the woman's hands instantly tightening their grip on the wheel.

''Barry…he came to me…about 3 months ago. The day he left you.''

''Wow…'' Snorted Cisco, unsure if he should be mad at her or Barry. Both of them?

Seriously? When Barry left town, without warning, leaving a note behind saying he needed some time to himself to sort things out, Cisco had been tempted to be angry at his best friend, but with time he was able to finally understand why Flash needed some time alone. It wasn't easy to finally wrap his head around the fact that Barry needed to heal alone, but Cisco managed to accept it. Turned out Barry wasn't exactly alone. Feel more like Team Flash got ditched and replaced, or at least that's what it looked like. Who was Cisco supposed to get angry at? Barry, for throwing them and lying to everyone like that? Or Felicity for keeping the secret?

''It's not what you think.'' Tried Felicity like she was reading his mind, but Cisco just snorted back again, keeping his eyes ahead on the road to avoid eye contact.

''Does Oliver know? '' Was Oliver playing them too? That worried call from the Green Arrow at Christmas asking them if they had any news about Barry, was it fake?

''No, he doesn't have a clue, neither does Diggle or anyone else.'' Quickly answered the young woman, almost quick enough to be suspicious for anyone else, but it was Felicity. ''They think I'm away taking care of some personal, family related, stuffs.'' She added. ''Why isn't Caitlin with us, isn't she your medical expert?"

It was Cisco's turn to tighten his jaw, realizing his hypocrisy of being mad at the girl for keeping secrets from her friends while he was doing the exact same thing at the moment.

''It's...complicated. Can we just talk about this when we'll know Barry is ok?''

More than happy to take the truce, the tech girl accepted the offer in a heartbeat. Barely moments later, they stopped in front of the decrepit building that was surprisingly still standing and offering apartments to many people. Wincing against the particularly strong and disgusting smell that attacked his nose, Cisco fought the nausea as he sprinted behind Felicity, climbing the creaking wooden stairs two steps at the time 'til they finally made it to the 4th floor, both of them breathing hard.

Arriving, puffing, at the top of the stairs, they didn't take any second to catch their breath before rushing at the end of the hallway for the apartment #401, immediately proceeding to bang at the door.

''Barry? Barry! It's Felicity, open the door! Barry!''

A filthy looking guy slowly walked behind them, barely even bothering to look at the strange duo before continuing his way to his own room, minding his own business. Cisco wouldn't be surprised if this kind of stuff was happening all the time in here. Hell he wouldn't be surprised if he was to learn Barry had been in this same building investigating a murder, maybe more than one. It sure smells like death in there.

As Vibe was observing the passing man, he almost missed Felicity hurriedly taking out her key and opening the door.

''Barry? Where are you?''

It was right at that moment that both young people heard a groan of pain coming from the bathroom on the left. There he was, Barry, laying still on the cold floor, eyes shut tight with a pole metal well stuck in his leg and blood starting to appear under him, making Felicity gasp at the sight as she went on the right side of the speedster.

''Oh gosh, Barry.''

Cisco knelt on the other side, putting down the medical bag next to him : ''I guess you know how to make stitches?''

Their unconscious patient turned out to be not-so unconscious as green eyes snapped open and looked straight at the last person who spoke before moving the glance to Felicity.

''You….called…hi…'' He struggled to speak, grunting against his teeth in pain.

''I didn't!'' She quickly defended himself.

''She didn't.'' Supported Cisco. ''But she should've. And don't you dare try running again.'' He added, seeing Barry struggling to put the palms of his hands on the ground to push himself up. ''I haven't said a word to anyone that you're back. Yet. But it will change if you try to make another run for it. I'm here to help you.'' Cisco pointed at the medical bag without breaking eye contact, carefully watching Barry's internal conflict. Obviously, the speedster wasn't too happy about getting caught, but he accepted defeat, relaxing and letting his back hit the floor once again.

''I'm sorry, but this is going to hurt. A lot.'' Apologized Cisco as he went for the bag and took his pliers out, causing Felicity's eyes to open widely.

''Are you serious?! You want to just yank it out, like that, without any pain medication!''

''With his metabolism, he'll burn through anything right away. Not to mention his body will heal around that pole very soon and it's going to be harder to get it out. It already started. ''

''Less…arg…u..ing…more…arrgg..action.'' Groaned Barry, lifting his head off the ground for a moment, before letting it fall back in the initial position just as his last syllable was spoken.

That was something they could all agree on. Cisco started feverishly searching in the bag before finding and handing to Felicity everything she would need to close the wound before rolling a gauze and approaching it from his friend's mouth.

''You'll need to bite down on this. It's gonna be painful.''

When the speedster complied, Cisco moved back near the leg and the pole, wincing in sympathy, hating what he was about to do.

''Felicity, try to hold his leg down.'' He instructed as he carefully placed his plier, grabbing hold of the object. ''3...2...1.'' Grunting under the effort, the engineer yanked the piece of metal out in a second, sending the engineer on his ass when the object got lose. The resonating sound when he fell back on the ground was almost completely covered by the muffle scream that filled the room. Maybe there was one advantage about being in such a slum; even with the gauze, Barry's yelp would've alerted the neighbors in any other respectable place.

Quickly reacting, Felicity barely had time to catch Barry's falling head right before it hit the ground as Barry's eyes rolled in their socket and the hero finally passed out.

''Felicity! Little help?!''

It was Cisco's call for help that got her to realize that while she had taken her time to carefully lay Flash's head on the ground, her other friend was already back by the hero's side and was pressing hard on the wound that was now gushing blood. Taking the scissor off the floor, she went straight to the area around the wound and cut open, without regret, part of the Ghost suit's pants. Parting the material apart, she exposed the whole ugly wound and a portion of the speedster's thigh.

Combining both of their experience acquired in the last couple of years taking care of their respective hero and their team, Cisco and Felicity made quite a team to quickly clean and close the wound, but not before there was a small pool of blood on the floor.

''There you go.'' Said the tech girl as she finished the last stitches, using her forearm to wipe away the sweat on her forehead. ''Let's put the bandages on and he'll be ok, if-''

''-if he didn't lose too much blood. Or if he doesn't have internal damages we don't know from his fall, or if he didn't hit his head too hard...We should've called Caitlin.'' As he spoke, Vibe helped put a clean bandage on the newly closed wound.

''I say we let him sleep and if he's worse tomorrow, we call your team.''

''Deal.'' Agreed Cisco in a heartbeat. What was he even thinking, doing that on his own? Hopefully it will be worth it.

Once the task of taking care of the most obvious wound was done, he opened up the suit and started feeling around his friend's torso for signs of internal bleeding or broken ribs, wincing at the additional pain he was causing by pressing on the impressive ecchymosis.

''Can you feel anything?'' Anxiously asked Felicity.

''I don't think so, but I'm not the expert...'' He sighed, taking away his hands before throwing away his blood-stained gloves. ''We'll see soon enough if I missed anything.''

''Let's put him on the bed.'' Added Felicity, throwing her own gloves and getting up, preparing herself for the effort that was about to follow.

Thankfully, the speedster wasn't anywhere near as muscles heavy as Oliver and his two friends had no problem transporting him out of the bathroom and into the small dirty bedroom with the cheap wooden frame bed being one of the only two pieces of furniture in the room. The other being the small chair pilling up dirty clothes.

''You sure there's no flea in that thing?'' Inquired Cisco as he carefully laid down his friend on the mattress.

''Yeah, 85% sure. Come on.'' She added, once their friend was now stable and resting. ''I think we deserve a little rest, and we should probably talk too. You want anything to eat? Drink?''

Declining the offer and walking out the small bedroom and into the main room, Cisco frowned at the couch, almost resending his flea question before deciding against it and sitting down. Following the engineer out of the room, the girl still took the time to take herself a plastic water bottle out of the mini-fridge next to the couch before joining Cisco on it, seriously looking at him after a first, long, gulp.

''Look, Cisco, I know how you feel, if our position were reversed and we would be talking about Oliver instead of Barry, I would probably feel the same way, I would probably be angry too. But, it's not what you think. It's not like I hid Barry under my bed.'' The blonde woman suddenly blushed, realizing how wrong it sounded. ''Well, not under my bed like under my bed, he's never been under there…not that I want it to happen because him and I are-.''

''Felicity, focus!''

''Yeah sorry.'' The woman stopped, taking a deep breath before coming back to the point. ''When Barry came to me, all he wanted was help to go into hiding and stay hidden. Believe me, I wasn't sold on his idea at first.''

''You suggested to go with him instead?'' Assumed Cisco.

''No, that's the thing, I didn't go anywhere, not at first. All we did was talk for hours. I tried to talk him into going back to Central City and you guys…but when I saw that he was sure of his decision of leaving, I just gave him everything he needed to stay hidden; fake credit cards, fake identity...I swear I had no idea where he left to next, after leaving my apartment, not for a while at least.''

Cisco frowned, but didn't say a thing, listening, trusting that Felicity was telling him the truth this time.

''He called me from time to time, mostly to ask for more help, rarely to tell me how he was or where he was. I had no idea where he was for the most part of these last 3 months.''

''I'm sorry.'' Apologized Cisco, feeling bad for assuming the worst, but still, something wasn't making sense. ''Why? Why wouldn't you say something to us? At least tell us he was still ok, still alive! ''

Felicity sighed, sadly.

''Look, I know, I know what happened to the last person who was saved by Constantine, I know that person ended up killing himself over what he did. When Barry came along telling me he didn't want to be found, I was surprised, but relieved he was still trusting me enough to come to me and share a little. I was afraid to break that trust, I was afraid to make him run away from me by calling you. I was afraid that he was going to run away on his own.''

''You were afraid of what he would do if he was all alone without anyone to turn to.'' Finally understood Cisco, closing his eye and taking a deep breath.

''Yeah…I'm sorry I didn't say a thing, but I thought it would be better to have someone looking after him, have someone he could call if he needed help. And…'' She paused, carefully choosing her next words: ''And I think you know all that and that's the reason why you haven't told your team yet. ''

Knowing she was right, Cisco sighed as an answer.

''I was afraid to make him run off, again…you're right. Thanks for looking after him,''

Felicity smiled, glad the misunderstanding was behind them and they could move forward, work together to figure their next move.

''Why did Barry finally came back? How did you and him ended up having an apartment in this rat hole? Why not just come back to us?''

''To be honest? '' Felicity shrugged. ''I'm not sure…he contacted me right after Christmas, saying he needed an apartment in Central City and I just assumed it was because he was ready to come back and just needed some support. I came here and waited…waited, and waited, but he still hasn't said a thing about returning to you and I didn't push him. All he did for the past weeks was either staying in here and working on his laptop or go out for a run.''

Cisco frowned: ''If he didn't came back to us, why is he back? Because of that Meta?''

''What Meta? The one who did this to him?''

''Yeah, before Barry showed up, that man said something weird about wanting revenge on the Flash, because of something Barry took from him. I have no idea what he was talking about.''

''While Barry's mind is sure hard as hell to decrypt these days, I wouldn't dismiss your role in his comeback so quickly, Cisco. He *did* missed each of you. If there's only one thing I can be sure of, this is it. He talked about your team and his family many times. He really wanted to come back.''

Cisco sadly shook his head: ''Then, why didn't he?''

''You know how it is with heroes, it's not always that easy, that black and white. He really wanted to come back. He thought going away would clear his mind, but it didn't help much and the more time passed, the harder it became for him to come back and face what he did here. He thought he could find himself while he was away, find who he was...Not sure he's going to truly return as long as he isn't ready ''

''What is he looking for?''

Looking for himself was quite a vague, almost meaningless, sentence. For an instant, the engineer hoped, almost fantasied, just for a second, that Felicity was about to tell him everything he needed to get Barry back on track. The long silence that followed was a pretty big clue that it certainly wasn't heading in the direction Cisco hoped for. The answer came after the woman took a long glance at the bedroom in which the speedster was resting.

''I don't know and I'm not even sure he knows himself. He just wants to make things…right, to fix everything. He wants justice. You know?''

''Makes things right? Justice?'' Repeated Cisco, confused. ''But, Hyde is dead, there's nothing more to fix.''

''That's actually the problem, if you ask me. With Hyde's death, I'm not sure Barry knows what else to do, what else he can do to get the justice he needs. He's just so, broken, and without any single clue what to search for.''

That sounded like Barry alright, being way too hard on himself over things that weren't his fault.

''What do we do?''

''I was hoping you had the answer.'' Sighing, Felicity turned her head toward the open door of the bedroom once more. ''At least, he's quiet, he's been having some really bad nightmares almost every night since I've been here. Just wish I knew what to do.''

''Don't worry, I'm here now and we'll help him together. '' Cisco tried to smile, unsure if he was trying to convince himself or her. Either way, he wasn't going to give up on his friend, never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, leave a comment :) Let me know your thoughts
> 
> I promise; Cisco and Barry will get to talk to each other a bit next chapter.


	4. Take me instead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and CIsco finally have a chat

''Are you still angry at me?'' Inquired Felicity as she joined the engineer in the bedroom, in which Cisco had been standing in silence for the last 20 minutes or so, observing his friend sleep and hoping Barry was on his way to full recovery.

''I understand why you did it and you're right, I'm sharing this secret too right now.'' He honestly answered, looking up at her. ''I just can't help but wish you would've at least call and tell us he was ok. Tell us that he was alive.''

''Would you have been satisfied with a simple 'He's fine'?''

''Probably not, you're right.'' Said Cisco after a short hesitation. Even when Barry specifically asked not to search for him, they still did, they probably wouldn't have stopped just by knowing he was alive.

''You should go home and rest. He's been unconscious for hours now, he'll possibly sleep 'til morning.'' She gently said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

''Thanks, but…I'm ok, I really need to talk to him.''

''To give him a piece of your mind or because you missed him?''

 _'Smart girl'_  he thought. Honestly, it was hard to pick a priority with his mind fighting over how he was going to handle the conversation once the speedster would come back to the world of the living.

''Bit of both I guess.''

''Just don't give him too much, alright?''

Before any of them could add anything else, it was the moment Barry started to shift around in the bed, from one side to another, in growing distress, as his whispers became words.

''No, please, take me...no! Stop! Don't do it! Take me instead!''

There they were, the recurring nightmares that Felicity talked about. Abruptly turning on his right side and arm, the speedster's cries stopped and turned into a yell of pain, prompting both of his friend to jump into action; maneuvering him on his back while trying to shake him awake and out of the unpleasant dream he found himself trapped in.

''Come on man, wake up. Barry!''

Slapping was the next option in Vibe's mind if shaking and screaming wasn't going to do the trick, but, thankfully, they didn't had to execute that next plan as Barry suddenly gasped and his eyes opened widely. His senses were clearly on high alert as the young man tried to push the hands away from himself, struggling to sit, while tightly pressing his right arm against his chest. Did they missed an injury to his arm? Giving up on trying to keep him down, Cisco switched to a more comforting touch, landing his hand on his friend's shoulder, trying to gain his attention and make the speedster look up at him.

''Hey, hey, easy buddy, you're okay. You're safe. Look at me.''

Slowly but surely, the struggled died and Barry's heavy breathing subsided back to a more normal pace as he finally looked directly at his friend's eyes, before moving his glance to Felicity and then all around the room.

''I'm not at S.T.A.R. Labs.'' He observed. ''I'm surprised.''

Sighing in relief to see Flash back with them, Cisco relaxed.

''Yeah, well, I figured you wouldn't be much of a happy camper. And I told you earlier; I haven't told anyone, yet.''

 _'But I probably should've'_  He mentally added to himself, glancing at the arm immobilized and glued to the man's chest. Pointing at the limb he quickly added: ''How badly does it hurt? And don't you dare try and tell me you're fine. ''

Accepting defeat, Barry closed his eyes for a second, realizing he wasn't going to get away with anything else than the truth.

''It hurt, had been sensitive for a little over 2 weeks now and the fall might've worsened it a bit.'' He admitted. ''But, it's already feeling a bit better. It will heal.''

2 weeks? 2 weeks and it was still sore? Whatever it was, it wasn't good considering a broken bone is usually all healed in a couple of hours for a speedster. That confession almost had Cisco speed-dial Caitlin on the spot, but he found the strength to hold himself back.

''What else? How are you feeling in general?''

''I'm...'' Barry paused, shifting around, moving a bit each of his limbs before answering honestly ''I'm still a bit sore all around, I guess. Still feel like a truck ran me over, but I'm a lot better than yesterday.''

As the CSI was talking, he slowly started sitting up in the bed, grunting between his teeth in obvious discomfort, prompting Cisco to jump in and assist in getting his friend in the new position. Neither of them noticed that they were now alone in the room, Felicity had obviously decided that both boys needed a moment to themselves after all these months. While it would be a lie to say it wasn't just a little satisfying to see the hero enduring some pain after running off on them, again, it was also hard not to get worried and maybe even a bit nostalgic. It's been too long, way, way too long. Taking in consideration that Barry took off on them right after defeating Hyde, right after being cured, the last time Team Flash had quality time together was before defeating Zoom, almost a full year ago.

''Thanks.'' Said the speedster the instant he was in a more comfortable position, before quickly adding. ''Not jut for this, for not telling the team too. I still need time.''

''Barry...I know things haven't been easy on you in the last couple of months, but you can't stay hidden forever. You need to come back to your friends and family, we missed you, all of us. We started thinking that you might be dead. Everyone else is still wondering it as we speak. ''

It was clear from the guilty expression that appeared on Barry's face that this whole situation wasn't a cakewalk for him; Felicity was right, he did care and missed his family, but something wasn't right just yet.

''I'm sorry.'' He answered tiredly. ''I just need to find a way to fix things before I come back. How's your arm?''

The quick, none-subtle, change of subject wasn't missed on the engineer who still decided to play along, not without thinking  _'You would know if you hadn't leave'_. Deciding it was probably better to keep this comment to himself, Cisco shook his arm to prove his status.

''It's great, completely healed by now. Good as new.''

''That's good.'' Barry smiled genuinely, but his expression quickly faded and the reason for the sudden change became obvious as soon as he said his next question. ''How is Caitlin? She's not still...you know.''

Of course, Caitlin, while the awful memory of Barry almost murdering the doctor in cold blood was still haunting Cisco's mind from time to time, the feelings of fear or nervousness were long gone by now. Everyone was ready for the speedster to come home.

''She missed you, she's worried something bad happened. I hope you're not staying away because of what happened. We all know you weren't yourself what you attacked us. We even made some changes in the lab for you, I'm sure you'll enjoy it.''

A bittersweet smile reappeared, clearly relieved about the news, and yet something was clearly still holding him back: ''Look, Cisco-''

''Listen.'' Interrupted his friend, needing to make his point clear. ''We're not asking you to become The Flash again, or even leave this slum if you still need your space, we'll give you all the space in the world if that's what you need. I'm just asking you to come and let everyone knows you're fine, that you still care and maybe even get that arm checked out. Not to mention that we can help you with that Meta that attacked you tonight.''

The silence that followed was difficult to handle. The speedster lowered his head, deep into his thoughts. With every new passing second, Cisco started to feel like he was pushing too much, prompting him to quickly add a bit more.

''Look, I'm not waiting an answer right now. I should probably head home, grab some food, a shower and a couple of hours of sleep before going back to S.T.A.R. Just promise me you'll think about it, alright? I can come back tomorrow, but you need to promise me you'll still be there. ''

After a very short hesitation, Barry nodded: ''I promise. ''

''Good.'' Cisco smiled and turned his back on the hero, heading toward the door.

''And Cisco?'' Quickly added Barry seeing his friend starting to to walk away. ''It was good seeing you again.''

''You too, man.''

*****FLASHFLASFLASH*****

Maybe Cisco could've stayed with his friend all night since, anyway, he wasn't able to get much sleep at home, rolling over again and again in his bed, replaying everything that happened in his head. That and the fact that he kept on debating with himself if he should or shouldn't tell everyone else that Barry was back in town and fine, mostly. They all deserved to know and it just felt wrong to keep the secret. Now he knew how Felicity must've felt for the last couple of months. By the time he finally fell asleep, it was almost dawn and when he came back to the world of the living in the morning, awoken by his cell's alarm, there was this unpleasant feeling in his mind, the one you get when you're sure you forgot to do something really important.

Turning his head on his side, that's when he spotted it; Caitlin's medical bag on the ground. The one he wanted to bring back before anyone could notice it was missing.

''Oh damn.''

Jumping on his feet, he looked at the time, 6:45, he still had a small window of opportunity before anyone, including Caitlin, would be arriving at the labs. Getting dressed faster than Barry would, not even taking the time to take his coffee or anything to eat, he ran outside and jumped into the van borrowed from the lab. Finally getting to his destination, Cisco carefully entered the lab, feeling like a thief as he entered in the cortex on his toes, without a single person in sight. In the clear, the engineer walked straight to the medical bay to put everything back in his place, his mind already drifting off, thinking ahead if he needed to bring anything tonight for his second meeting with his friend. High-calorie bars could always be a good option, who knew if Barry had eaten well in the last months?

 _'And now I'm starting to act like Caitlin.'_  He snorted at the thought, seeing how much of a mother hen he was all of sudden.

''Hey Cisco, you're early.''

Oh...talking about Caitlin. Stiffening, Cisco turned around, badly failing to act as natural as possible. Lost in is thoughts, he didn't heard her enter the room at all. Unless she had been in the lab the whole time, noticing how she was still wearing the same bright blue blouse and long black skirt than yesterday. The only difference from yesterday being the firm look with which she was looking at him.

''You need anything?'' The unsaid accusation could clearly be heard in the sentence, Cisco knew his friend too well. It was clear to him that Caitlin already knew part of the answer, but was testing the engineer.

 _'Say something smart.'_  Though Cisco, but he just wasn't finding a good excuse on the spot.

''Why did you took my bag yesterday?'' Continued Caitlin.

So much for being sneaky and unseen.

''My…friend sprained his ankle last night'' Tried Cisco, feeling the urge to facepalm himself the second that poor excuse came out of his mouth. There was no way anyone would believe that, especially not Caitlin.

''Cisco, you don't have friends outside the lab.''

''Ouch, true, painfully accurate, but true…Caitlin, it's not-''

''Cisco, I know.''

She…knew? How could she? She had nothing on him. For a moment, all Caitlin did was stare at her friend, trying to judge if he was going to come clean or not. Seeing he wasn't going to, she slightly shook her head, disappointed, before starting with the explanation.

''You left so quickly last night you that you left your Vibe suit, dirty suit, here last night. ''

Even without knowing where she was heading with that, the engineer still felt like he was about to get cornered, bad. He knew Caitlin well enough to know when she was sure of herself and on the attack.

''And?'' He tried, defensively.

''I stayed here late last night, to think about our new Meta and since your description of the fight was so vague, I figured chances were the blood on your gauntlet was his. So, I took a simple from your suit, to analyze it.''

Uh oh…

''I compared it with the CCPD database. Wanna take a guess on what I found out?''

Oh damn, the blood of his gauntlets, the same gauntlets he put in Barry's pool of blood on the pavement right before he vibed. All he could think about yesterday was getting to his friend, he should've known Caitlin was going to do this. The silence that followed meant everything, he knew she found out about Barry and now she knew that Cisco just connected all the dots of what happened in the lab.

''Oh…'' Was the only thing that could come out of his frozen mind.

''Oh? '' Quoted Caitlin, replicating Cisco's tone, approaching her friend. ''That's all you have to say for yourself?''

''Alright, you win.'' Cisco closed his eyes in defeat. ''Yes, Barry was there last night, he saved my life. ''

''And you didn't think it was worth mentioning this to us? Why?''

And to say that 12 hours earlier, Cisco was the one making judgment calls at Felicity for lying to him, to them all, about the exact same subject. There was no point in lying anymore.

''Barry just showed up after my powers got disabled, I had no idea he was back in town before that moment, I swear. Me and Barry tried to fight that meta off, but he ended up hurting Barry and pushing him off the window. And, by the time I got down to see how bad it was, Barry was already gone. He clearly wasn't ready to come back to us, I just needed to get to him, talk to him. I was afraid he would flee again if we all were to jump on him.''

Caitlin took a deep breath, softening her tone, worry in her eyes.

''How is he? How badly is he hurt?''

''He's...''

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

It was upon hearing all the noises coming from the bedroom that Felicity decided to rise from the couch, going straight to the small room and knocking twice on the dirty door.

''Barry? You're okay? You should be resting. ''

Getting no answer, she opened the door, slightly at first, only to get the sight that she expected and yet the last one she wanted to see; her speedster friend packing up his duffle bag with all his clothes and belongings, including his now badly damaged Ghost suit. As he was working, the speedster carefully avoided putting too much weight on his injured leg. He was running again, of course, before giving a chance to Cisco to come back.

''What do you think you're doing?'' She said seriously. ''You promised Cisco you were going to wait for him.''

''You were right last week, '' He said, without answering the accusation. ''I can't stay here forever. It's time to get the hell out of this place. I need to move on with my life and you need to get back to your team''

''Ok…'' Slowly said Felicity, unsure where he was heading with that. After being so close to home, was he fleeing again for another couple of months?

''I just need you to do one last thing for me, since my leg is still healing.''

''Anything.''

''Can you drop me at STAR Labs?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you're happy about Barry's decision !
> 
> And see? Two chapters in a row with a nice, none-cliffy end. Who said anything about me being evil?...Just kidding! I am *evil laugh* Guess I'm just in a nice phase. Ihih


	5. The Suppressor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry is back at S.T.A.R. Labs and the team start discussing this new Meta rising in town in search for The Flash

''I'm going back, tonight, to see him again.'' Said Cisco, wrapping up on his complete recap of everything that happened since the Ghost, or Barry, showed up last night, coming clean with Caitlin. ''I'm sorry I lied to you.''

Caitlin smiled genuinely: ''Don't worry, just don't do it again.''

Both friends were now sitting next to each other on the side of the bed in the medical bay, their legs hanging off the edge.

''What can we do now?''

''You already made him an offer, I guess you'll have to follow up on that…'' Trailed Caitlin, clearly unsure, nervously biting her lips. What else could they possibly do? Superspeed was great to stop bad guys, but it was also making it incredibly difficult to keep up with Barry.

''I had that part figured out, but what if he doesn't want to go back just yet? ''

What happened to the old days where Barry actually wanted to spend time with his friend? At this point, it felt like asking him to come back was almost like beating a dead horse. Was it so horrible to be with them? Even if part of the engineer knew that it wasn't like that, that he shouldn't take all of this personal, it was hard not to think that way. If Barry really cared about him, he would've come back ages ago.

''You think we should tell the rest of the team when they'll arrive?'' Probably a stupid question, but Cisco still felt the need to ask, fearing the consequences of betraying even more the promise he made to keep Barry's secret.

Caitlin frowned at him. Really? Was Cisco really still considering that keeping the secret was an option?

''Of course we should and we could also-''

Before Caitlin could finish her sentence, a voice interrupted her, a voice she was getting worried she would never hear again: ''You could just ask him.''

''Barry.'' She breathed out, frozen in surprise. Even knowing about everything that transpired yesterday and knowing the speedster was back in town, she still wasn't really expecting to see her friend anytime soon.

There he was, Barry Allen, standing behind the computers, in the cortex's entrance.

Instantly, her brain started drifting off, thinking about all the possible ways to slowly get over Barry's emotional wall and get him to him. At this very moment, she had no idea what to say and was nowhere near ready to deal with all her own emotions that were fighting over. Sure, she was happy, but her brain was a enjoying a tad too much sending her vivid images of what happened when Barry was under Hyde's control or sending her a strong reminder of her emotions when she found the letter saying he was leaving.

Caitlin didn't even remember getting off the bed and walking in the cortex, but there she was, only feet away from the hero now. For an extended period of time, she just stood time, her mouth half open while Barry took time to deposit his duffle bag on the floor. Each of them carefully inspected the other's expression, especially Barry who anxiously waited to see if the doctor was going to hug him to death or go for a slap, or something like that. Both were possible considering the way Caitlin hardened her expression. If she was going for the slap, Barry had already decided he wasn't going to move out of the way after hurting them all physically and emotionally.

Before the woman could decide which direction she was taking, they all got interrupted by the sound of high heel running, making the whole group turn around just in time to see Iris abruptly stopping at the entrance of the cortex, hands going on her mouth in shock and overwhelming joy.

''Oh my God, Barry!'' Tears of joy were already filling her eyes. ''I knew I just heard you.''

Without waiting for more, she covered the remaining distance in a couple of steps and almost jumped in Barry's arms as Joe was making his own entrance behind, watching with a wide smile on his face. The force of the hug almost sent the speedster off balance and he had to suppress a groan of pain from the sudden pressure on his still healing leg. Not to mention the pain coming from using both his arms, including his injured one, to catch the woman.

''It's great to see you again.'' Truthfully said Joe, closing in for his own hug the second his daughter let go.

''Good to see you all.'' Smiled Barry as he hugged his foster dad with his good arm.

''How long have you been back?'' Inquired Joe, backing off just a little, but still keeping his hand on Barry's shoulders, not completely ready to let go after being separated for so long.

''I just did.'' Vaguely answered Barry. The question wasn't too precise about being back where. Back in Central City? Or back to the lab and his team?

The joy was slightly overshadowed by the tension still filling the room as Caitlin was still waiting for her turn to reunite with the newly reappeared hero.

''Look, Caitlin, I know that-'' He started, only to get quickly interrupted.

''It's been a long time.'' Her bittersweet tone reminded him instantly of when she said almost the same thing to him when he rebuilt Team Flash, months after the singularity.

''I know. I'm sorry.'' His puppy eyes almost made the rest of the team running to his rescue, but they decided it was better to stay out of it.

''Barry, I understood why you needed time to figure things out, but you weren't the only one who got shook up by what happened. We needed you, we all needed each other, all of us here.''

It was clear by her voice that she wasn't angry, that was no grudge; she just sounded tired and regretful of how the last couple of months went.

''I know, you're right.'' Acknowledged Barry, he had been selfish; when he left all he could think about was his own pain, his own misery. ''That's why I came back. I want to make things right.''

Caitlin finally smiled.

''Welcome back.''

Walking the remaining distance, she wrapped her own arms around the man's body who responded instantly, pulling his good arm around her back. It took some times for the doctor to finally pull away as a hopeful sensation suddenly filled the room. When was the last time the whole Team Flash had been together in the same room, without being overwhelmed by imminent death or an impossible problem to solve? The last time was before they finally took Zoom down, almost 8 months ago. Sure, that new Meta that had no lost love for the Flash was still out there and they needed to take care of him, but it wasn't anything that Team Flash couldn't handle, together. It's not like he was the first villain wanting revenge against Central City's hero.

''So'' Joyfully said Cisco who just couldn't be happier with the surprise turn of event. ''Want to see something cool? We made some changes while you weren't here.''

Just for an instant, the engineer could've swore he saw Barry gave him the strangest look; it wasn't anywhere near the empty or spiteful look he had when he was under Hyde's influence, it was something else that Cisco just couldn't put his finger on. It almost looked like impatience or annoyance.

''Yeah, sure.'' Answered Barry without conviction. ''But befo-''

''Just a moment, I need to check you out first.'' Interrupted Caitlin, back in her full-on worried doctor mode. ''Heard all the details of your little adventures last night.''

There was no point in arguing and to be honest, he's been so used to rely on his fast healing abilities that he couldn't bear anymore the constant and throbbing pain in his arm. Without any discussion, he started walking straight to the med bay, leading the way in front of the doctor as the rest of his friends and family stayed behind, backing up a bit in the hallway to let Caitlin work her magic in private.

''Cait.'' Said Barry as he sat on the bed, his legs hanging above the ground, wincing as he used both his arms to lift and place himself as comfortably as possible. ''What were you and Cisco doing? I mean, going after that guy yesterday? What do you know about him?''

''Really?" Caitlin frowned as she walked a couple of steps away to gather the medical supplies she was going to need for her examination. ''You disappeared for months and the first thing you wanna talk about is a case?''

''That guy almost killed Cisco and threw me by the window.'' Instantly answered Barry, on the defensive. ''I need to know what I'm up against.''

''You have a point.'' As she was talking, Caitlin was already back next to her patient, positioning all her equipment around her before lifting the hero's right sleeve, softly apologizing for the pain she caused. ''Your bone is definitely out of alignment. When did this happen?''

''I took…arg! Careful.'' He grunted, almost snatching his arm out of the strong grip when the expert fingers pressed a bit too hard for his liking. ''I might have taken a bad fall two weeks ago.''

''2 weeks?'' The side-glance the doctor did was clearly full of judgement, but she wisely chose to not add anything more.

''Cait, what do you know about that guy who attacked me and Cisco?''

Clearly, Barry wasn't going to drop that subject anytime soon, might as well give it to him.

''Not much, honestly. Almost two weeks ago, this new criminal just showed up in town, trying to get the Flash's attention by entering shops and banks and threatening people inside. Most of the time, he deliberately left empty handed once he realized that the Flash wasn't coming. That was until he decided to step up his game and killed two security guards at the Central City Bank three days ago. That's when Cisco decided that we needed to stop him ourselves if you weren't going to come back...No offense.''

''None taken.'' Assured Barry, nodding as he registered in his mind all the information the team had. ''How long had Cisco been going in the streets like that? As Vibe?''

''He's been training hard for the last couple of weeks now, ever since he got his cast taken off. But, yesterday was his first try going against a real criminal.''

''He could've got himself kill, almost did.'' Barry's initial intention wasn't to sound this grumpy or do a lecture, but it still came out a bit harsh.

''We know it was dangerous, but he was just trying to protect the city, since there wasn't anyone else.''

Point taken, Barry wasn't in any position to reprimand people about risking their life for their city and the citizen of Central City.

''Do you know who he is?'' Inquired Barry, slightly changing the subject, while keeping the conversation centered on his attacker.

If Caitlin wasn't palping the hero's body in search for others unsaid injuries, she might've missed the slight tension building up at that question, while most of Barry's face kept the same detachment.

''We, hummm, no, not really. We don't even really know the extent of his powers or what his goal is. Well, except taking you down. ''

''Ok..'' Barry's body relaxed at the answer, making Caitlin frowned once more, before switching the subject back to her patient's health. Chasing down this Meta could wait 'til Barry was back at 100%, both physically and mentally.

''Alright, we'll need to take some scans to see the real extent of your injuries. Try to relax.''

Even before taking the scans, she already knew it wasn't going to be pleasant to repair Barry's arm and she was going to need assistance. After checking out the young man's vitals and finishing up her initial examination, she decided to go get some help for the rest. Despite Barry's slight nod and his insurance that he wasn't going to move, she still nervously turned around before leaving the room, as she was afraid he was going to leave again. She approached the rest of her friends as Joe was hanging up his phone, before turning back to his daughter and Cisco.

''Wally is coming at the house tonight.'' He informed the others, turning around just as Caitlin was closing on them. ''How is he?''

Of course it would be the first question and the doctor was ready for it, catching the question.

''Physically? He's on the light side, he probably hadn't been eating as much as he should in the last months, but he should regain all of it soon enough. Most of his wounds from last night are already healed, except for his arm. He broke it weeks ago and it hasn't repaired correctly, I need to rebreak it to fix it. ''

Iris winced at the last part, it didn't sound like fun, but it could've been worse. In fact, she had seen way worse injuries on the speedster during his time as the Flash.

''I'll need your help'' She said turning at Cisco. Time to heal a speedster's physical and mental wounds, together.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''Welcome back.'' Warmly greeted Caitlin as her friend slowly started to open his eyes, laying on the medical bed where he had been unconscious for a couple of hours after the surgery to fix his arm, Caitlin and Cisco by his side.

Everything went perfectly according to plan in the surgery, the bone was now in the best position to heal correctly and the doctor was expecting Barry to regain all mobility in his limb and be free of the pain before the next morning. Slowly opening his eyes, the speedster looked around, his gaze landing on the two people surrounding him, one by one.

''Hey.'' He said tiredly. ''I'll live?'' He joked, with a smile at the corner of his mouth.

Everyone chuckled.

''Yeah, you will. Just take it easy 'til tomorrow and you'll be good as new.''

''Good.'' Answered the CSI, struggling to get into a sitting position with one arm in a temporary cast. ''What are we going to do with our Meta?'' Asked Barry the second he was done moving, earning himself a look of disapproval from Caitlin who wanted Barry to rest, not get into business the second he was awake. But, hey, that was Barry for you, right?

''We should call him….Achilles'' Said Cisco out of the blue, smiling, interrupting Caitlin's upcoming comment. Barry was back and everything could go back to normal now, they all deserved a little normal.

Despite the doctor's best effort to stay serious, she just couldn't keep herself from grinning.

''Achilles? ''

''Yeah, he's our weakness, since we're powerless against him, literally.'' Answered Cisco, trying to justify his choice under Barry's amused look.

''Really Cisco? That's the best you could come up with? '' Said Barry, joining the conversation.

''Hey! My naming skills are rusty, give me a chance would you? How about….'' The engineer took a moment to really think hard about his next suggestion, both of his friends scrutinizing his expression. ''How about the Suppressor?'' Cisco smiled widened like a 5 year old on Christmas's eve while Barry couldn't help but giggle at his friend's enthusiasm about naming a villain again.

Except, the giggles didn't last too long. There was just something wrong with that name, it didn't sound right to Barry, but then again maybe it was just him who wasn't in the mood for villain naming. Everything just felt wrong; laughing, being back or relaxing with his friends. Barry knew he shouldn't be having any of these, not now, not until everything was dealt with and the sooner the better. Since Caitlin seemed to enjoy the moment and the nickname and Cisco was so enthusiastic, the speedster forced the smile to stay on his face.

''Do you have a theory on how we can stop this gu-''

''The Suppressor.'' Corrected Cisco.

''Fine, the Suppressor.'' Said Barry, without cracking a smile. ''Any ideas?''

''Not really. Barry, I gotta ask, do you know why the Suppressor wants revenge against the Flash? He was looking for you. ''

''Cisco'' Reprimanded Caitlin. ''It can wait for the night, can't we? We all need rest, we-''

Barry stiffened slightly. ''It's not surprising that people are looking for the Flash, I've been gone for a long time.''

''Right…'' Trailed Cisco, sharing a glance full of meaning with Caitlin, none of them missed the unanswered question. Sure, Barry had always been pretty heated about catching the bad guys and being the hero, but this? Something was up. Unless Felicity was right, unless he was just still broken and searching for a distraction.

 _'_ _Tomorrow, I'm coming for you, Matthew.'_ Thought Barry as he looked up at Joe entering the cortex, hoping to bring his son home for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh well, it wouldn't be Team Flash is someone wasn't keeping secrets, right? Let me know your thoughts and theories in the comments.


	6. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry's back at home, but the Team needs to figure out why he's so off and what's his connection with The Suppressor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Flashday and I was feeling like giving you an extra chapter this week than what I was planning to at first :)

''Are you sure you're ready to come home?'' Asked Joe for the hundred time since getting in the car, slightly turning his heard toward his passenger. ''Do you need me to drop you off somewhere? At your apartment?''

Poor Joe was profusely sweating. He just hated how silent his son at the moment, nervously wondering what was happening between the young man's ears. The one thing he didn't wanted to do right now was to push Barry away by forcing the speedster to come home if he wasn't ready just yet.

''It's ok, I want to. Not to mention that I don't even have an apartment anymore, I took back everything I had in it. I'm where I want to be.'' Barry smiled at his foster dad, reassuring him that everything was fine and Joe instantly breathed out in relief.

''Alright son. I hope this time around you'll eat your lunch.''

Take number 2 for bringing the missing man back home. Everything felt like a replay of last October, after Barry had been found on that beach in Star City. Hopefully, not  _everything_  will be a reenactment, considering how the last time the hero just went in his room the second he entered the house without even touching his food. Not to mention how, at that time, Barry couldn't care less about anyone in his condition.

When the two men arrived at destination and entered the premise, it was to find both of Joe's biological children discussing on the sofa. The second the front door opened, both of them swiftly turned around and got up.

''Barry!'' Wally smiled widely, rushing at the door to greet his adoptive brother, even if he didn't went for any physical contact. ''Good to see you again.''

The CSI wasn't going to admit it out loud, but he was glad Wally decided against going for the hug, probably out of fear of hurting even more the newly repaired arm. The speedster had more than enough of the hugs and the attention he received in the last day. It wasn't anything personal. Actually, what he truly desired was to go to his room and figure out his next move. He just needed time to think and to hear his own thoughts, but decided to play everyone's game. After all, it wouldn't be fair to his family to ignore them two times in a row, so he looked over Wally's shoulder, straight at the table.

''Where's the food?''

Iris smiled softly: ''We weren't expecting you so fast. We were just about to go get it, but Wally can do it.'' She finished her sentence by sending a meaningful look at her father.

''Let me help you, son.'' Volunteered Joe, addressing his younger son, understanding the unsaid message.

Both men swiftly left, giving the two young people the space they needed, instantly going back on the sofa to do some catch up the second they were alone. It wasn't easy to stay focused on the conversation and get the Suppressor, Matthew, out of his head, but Barry still tried. Trying being the key word since at every couple of sentences or so, his mind started drifting off. Matthew was powerful and a headache to deal with, literally and figuratively, how was he supposed to take him down without powers? Or how could they disabled Matt's powers? Could they suppress the Suppressor? Barry made the right choice by coming back, there's no way he was going to be able to do that without his team, especially without Caitlin's medical expertise.

The sudden next question brought him back into the present conversation:

''Where have you been for the last couple of months?'' Finally asked Iris.

''All over.'' Truthfully said Barry, grabbing Iris' curiosity.

''All over, as in? You visited the whole country?'' That sounded like a fun way to clear a mind.

''I saw a lot of things in this country, yes, but I also spent some times in Canada. Even went to Europe for many weeks, mostly France, Italy, England...'' Admitted Barry as his mind started drifting off again, but this time, thinking about all the place he visited. ''I saw some pretty impressive things in France, you have no idea how great it was to visit Lascaux and don't get me started on Nice. Do you have any idea how many castles there are in France? That's crazy! You can't drive 5 minutes without seeing one on the side of the road. Even stopped in Monaco, the scenery is amazing. I need to take you there one day. ''

Barry smiled fondly at the memories. Not to mention it had been way too long since their last casual conversation. Once the Suppressor would be taken care of, he was going to fix things with Iris and get their relationship back on track, like he intended to do just before his dad died. He expected a happy and excited reaction, but instead his revelation was met by silence and sadness.

''I'm sorry to ask, but why? Why did you went so far away? We needed you here.''

Barry sighed deeply: ''I wrote you why: I needed some time away, I needed to find myself again. ''

How many times was he going to apologize for what he did? Maybe his family and team sensed that while he really was sorry for leaving them to deal with the aftermath on their own, he didn't regret seeking time off. Sadly, these two acts didn't do too well together. Nobody seemed to understand what he was going through, not really. How could they? There was only one person who really knew all the suffering Barry endured. Except, that one person wasn't anywhere near the right mental state to deliver some comfort in the speedster's heart and mind and help him get back to his new normal. Honestly, Barry couldn't blame anyone, who could really understand how it was living in that small cell in Hyde's lair for over a month? How could they understand what it was like being desperate, starving, suffering and on the edge of giving up? Nobody could ever know how close he came to just throw the towel and leave everything behind. Nobody, except one person...

''Did you…find yourself?'' Asked Iris.

How honest was he supposed to be on that question? Not all the way, not yet. Maybe once everything was dealt with the Suppressor, but not now. He didn't feel like lying to Iris, not really, but he didn't have much of a chance. Well, maybe an incomplete truth could be good enough.

''Honestly? I'm not sure yet, it's weird being back. I need to find my feet again.''

Seeing the confused, almost disappointed features looking back at him, Barry put a smile, a genuine one, on his lips.

''Hey, I am happy to see you again, I missed you, missed this place.''

''So, are you planning on staying?''

Of course that question was coming and even if he was waiting for it, the CSI missed a beat before answering.

''Yeah, I am. My place is here. Everything I need is here.''

If the beginning of this chat started a bit bittersweet under these circumstances, the last answer sure helped to clear the air and lighten the atmosphere as Iris smiled warmly.

''You better.'' She said with a smile. It's good to have you back.'' Said Iris, closing in to put the speedster in a delicate embrace, carefully avoiding his healing arm.

''I'm not sure if I'll be able to get my job back, after being away for so long.'' Said Barry, after she pulled back, out of the blue. If he was there to stay, he was going to need his job at the police station back eventually, the one in the precinct he hadn't step foot on since May.

''Don't worry about that, my dad took care of it.'' Assured Iris, keeping her smile. ''Singh put you on extended leave after you got kidnapped. Your job will still be there when you'll be ready to go back, don't worry about it.''

''That's good to know.'' It really was, the door back to the normal world was still open. Good.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

The rest of the evening was surprisingly nice and fun after both men of the West family came back with the food. They all ate together around the dining table and discussed about everything and nothing, catching up on the missing time. Sure, Barry looked a bit distracted and off, but he wasn't trying to kill his family anymore. That's progress. Not to mention he agreed on watching a movie with everyone else before going to bed early.

On the next day, as it was getting late in the morning, the speedster was still sleeping soundly while the rest of his family was softly talking in the kitchen with hot coffee cups steaming in front of each of them on the table.

All their heads looked up at the sound of someone knocking at the door. Who could this be? Getting up from the table, Joe walked straight to the door and opened it mechanically.

''Hey Cisco.'' He said quietly to greet the man on his porch, trying not to talk too loud and disturb the sleeping man upstairs. ''I thought we still had two hours before the checkup at S.T.A.R. '' He added, walking on the side to let the engineer enter the house, looking down at his watch.

''I'm sorry for disturbing you, I just wanted to check on all of you before heading at the lab. '' Explained Cisco, walking inside and passing in front of the detective. ''Is everything ok?'' He inquired, looking at Joe's children as they also got up and joined the improvise meeting near the door. ''Where is he?'' He added, seeing the speedster wasn't among the group.

''He's still upstairs. He was still sleeping last time I went to check on him moments ago.'' Answered Iris.

''Everything's good.'' Said Wally, in answer to the other question.

''Well, mostly. I think.'' Said Iris, earning a frown of confusion and worried from the engineer.

''We don't think that he's….not himself, don't we? '' Nervously asked Cisco, unsure if he really wanted an answer, not really eager to go to another round with an evil Barry. His arm still had ghost pain thinking about getting broken by his friend.

''No…that's him. '' Assured Iris. ''He's just….different. ''

''Something is bothering him, bad. His mind just keep on wandering off somewhere else. '' Firmly said Joe. ''You guys don't think it's still because of what he did and said last fall, when he was under Hyde's control? ''

''Honestly? '' Intervened Cisco. ''I'm not sure…he does look like this is still bothering him, but whatever's really going on sounds like it's more than that. ''

''He just want to prove himself, prove he's still a hero. I can't blame him. '' Defended Iris, needing to believe everything was back to normal, that their true Barry was back and there to stay.

''Yeah….'' Said Cisco, shrugging, clearly not convinced everything was this simple. ''But still, there's something I can't put my finger on. The Suppressor said it was personal and Barry acts like it's personal for him too. ''

''You're not implying that he lied to us? That he actually knows this guy and what he wants? '' Said Iris. ''He just got back, we can't start mistrusting him already.''

The scene was so familiar, it was a perfect reenactment, minus Caitlin, of when they were all trying to figure out what was wrong with Barry once the missing CSI had been found on the beach, 4 months after vanishing from the face of the world. Something was up with the hero. They all knew it in their guts, whether they were ready to admit it out loud or not, but what?

''I hate to say it, but that's kind of what I'm implying. The Suppressor might be someone Barry pissed off when he was working for Hyde, or during the last 3 months after he took off on us. '' Theorized Cisco.

''While it's the most plausible explanation, there's a flaw in your theory. '' Intervened Joe. ''The Suppressor is after the Flash and Barry hasn't been the Flash since before he was taken, last May. ''

Cisco opened his mouth to protest, but close it immediately, Joe was right…except for one thing: ''But he also hates the Ghost…which doesn't make any sense. ''

''I don't follow. '' Admitted Wally, frowning in confusion, reflecting his sister's thoughts and expression.

''Think about it.'' Started explaining Cisco. ''It make sense to think that Barry somehow pissed that guy off either when he was under Hyde's control or after he left us, during the last 3 months, since it was the only times he was running around as the Ghost. Plus, I think one of us would've remembered fighting someone with the Suppressor's ability. Except, our Meta said that the Flash took something from him. Not The Ghost, Flash.''

''And last time Barry was the Flash, it was before becoming the Ghost.'' Caught up Iris.

Yup, something wasn't right. Had Barry done something he wasn't proud in the last 3 months? Did he stole the Flash suit one night and took it back before dawn? What were the odds of Barry pissing off the same guy as both Flash and Ghost?

''What's the plan?''

''I've been thinking about it, actually. '' Admitted Cisco. ''I think we need to go back to where Barry and I got attacked. The Suppressor stayed there for a moment, he could've left some clues behind about who he is and what he wants since Barry isn't going to tell us.''

''What if this guy is still staying there?'' Said Iris, not liking how Cisco was planning on going back to the spot he and Barry almost got themselves kill the other night. Especially since they still had no idea who that guy was and how to get the upper hand on him.

''We need to know.'' Firmly said Cisco, visibly fighting to keep his fear at bay, but he couldn't let his feeling take over.

''Cisco's right.'' Said Joe. ''Want me to come with you and back you up? Just in case he's still there,''

''That'd be great. Thanks.''

''You want to go now?'' Suggested Joe, walking way, taking his coat and keys even if he didn't have an answer yet. ''The sooner we find out what's wrong with my son, the better.''

Joe was right, why wait?

''Let's drop by at the lab first to get my suit and my equipments. I'm going back in full Vibe.''

Heading back at the door, the engineer walked in Joe's footsteps, both of them barely turning around as Iris mouthed a  _'Be careful'_ to them, The boys barely had time to get out of the house before Joe's children started hearing commotion upstairs. Stuff was being knocked over on the floor followed by increased whimpering, Barry's whimpering. Barry's recurring nightmares were back in full force. Barry's voice tone kept increasing with every second, reaching the screaming point as both Iris and Wally made it to the bedroom's door:

''Take me instead!''

He might not be evil anymore, but Barry was definitely in need of some urgent help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Anyone has any thought on who Matthew is and what is past is with Barry? Leave a comment!


	7. Matthew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Flash get to work to figure out who the Suppressor is, what he wants and how his powers might work

''Aren't Joe and Cisco going to help us?'' Asked Barry, noticing that his foster dad and best friend were still absent as the rest of the team was preparing their plan of attack back at the lab. ''I thought you guys said they were supposed to join us here.''

Embarrassed of once again waking up sweating and screaming in front of an audience, the speedster decided to act like nothing happened. After all, what was there to talk about, since he didn't remember anything from his dreams. Or that's what he told his family. No matter how hard he tried, there was no getting that scene out of his head.

''Cisco just called me.'' Answered Caitlin, re-entering the cortex with her phone in her hand. ''He and Joe are still busy at the station, apparently Singh needed some advices dealing with Metahumans.'' She vaguely said, not missing the side glance from Iris. Clearly it wasn't her best lie.

''Ok….'' Barry slightly frowned, but didn't say a thing. Yesterday all Joe and Cisco wanted to do was spent as much time as possible with the returning hero and they both left without warning him first? How big was the emergency?

Oh well, no matter how busy the police department was at the moment, they could take care of it, Team Flash had a bigger problem to deal with. Alright, if the team wanted to stop Matthew, AKA The Suppressor, they needed to figure out how he was using his powers and how to keep him from using them.

''Alright, let's get this started.'' Said Barry, turning to Caitlin, Wally and Iris.

''What do we know about him? Other than the fact he can suppress the Meta's powers? '' Asked Wally.

''That and the horrible waves of pain he can send in our brains.'' Added Barry, grimacing at the memories. ''Even if he couldn't neutralize my powers, the ache is just too strong. It's just paralyzing.''

''Can he only affect Metas?'' Asked Iris, already thinking ahead of a way to trap this guy. What if he is powerless when there's no any others Meta around?

''I don't think so.'' Said Caitlin, leaning over the main desk and searching for a specific file. ''Look at the footage from the last bank attack.''

As she was talking, she started screening the security footage of that particular attack as The Suppressor walked into the Central City Bank. Barely seconds later, all four security guards were on their knees, head in their hands in agony.

''Unless you're telling me that they only hire Meta security personnel there, his powers are beyond just Metahumans.''

Oh great. So long for that plan.

''Anyone else has any other-'' Started Wally, only to get interrupted mid-sentence by his sister who was still very closely watching the still-playing footage.

''Wait. Look.'' She said, pointing at the video. ''Right there, where the police reinforcement arrived.''

Examining the footage, they all saw the first officers entering the premising not so long after, pointing their guns at the suspect, before letting go of their weapons. Just moments later, they all joined the security guards on the ground, twitching in agony. The next instant, while the situation looked under control for the Meta and everyone working to stop the Suppressor was on the ground, the muscular man just took off running out of the bank.

''We've already seen that footage.'' Said Wally, unsure why his sister was taking so much interested in this sequence.

''No, look closely. Can we go back right before The Suppressor started running away?'' Requested Iris, gesturing at the video as Caitlin did as asked, replaying the requested part and zooming on the man's covered face. ''He almost looks in pain himself. ''

The man's eyes narrowed and even through his mark, they could see his jaw tensing up, either in deep concentration or pain maybe. Either way, it caused him to make a run for the exit barely a moment later.

''You're right. '' Exclaimed Wally. ''But how is this supposed to help us?''

''There's a lot of Meta we encountered who had physical limitations.'' Recalled Caitlin, remembering that Wally wasn't on the team when everything started. ''We were able to defeat a Meta who transformed into mist and another one who could make clones of himself by pushing them to their limit. ''

''The Mist and Multiplex.'' Remembered Barry, mostly whispering their names to himself, finally saying a word in the conversation. It sure felt like it was ages ago. All of that was before everything happened, before Eddie and Roonie's deaths, before Zoom, before Hyde and Matthew…

Barry just wished he could go back to this time. Sure, he used to get his ass beat up a lot more, but he missed the sweet blessing of innocence, he wanted to go back to his smiling dorky self.

''Even I passed out a couple of times before Cisco made me the calorie bars to help my system keep up with the energy I spent when I run.'' He added, not even realizing how he smiled fondly at the memories, his features softening.

The small changes in his face wasn't lost on his team who exchanged glances of hope, but didn't say a word in fear that the speedster was going to retreat behind his emotion wall. One baby step at the time, one step at the time in the right direction.

''We'll need a blood sample to really figure out a way to neutralize him, but meanwhile we could think about a way to tired him. ''

''You guys can start on that, I'll be downstairs.'' Said Barry, suddenly back with a blank expression on his face as he started walking away, leaving everyone puzzled.

''Oh…ok, sure.'' Said Caitlin, trying to act as normal as possible, staying completely still with the rest of the group as Barry left their sight. All they could hope for was that Cisco and Joe had any luck finding clues on the Suppressor and what his deal could be with Barry. What happened between these two? Does Barry even know who that man was…? So many unanswered questions.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''Still with me?'' Inquired Cisco, observing how deeply lost in his thoughts Joe seemed to be. ''I need you to stay focused inside.'' He reminded to the older man as the duo was swiftly but quietly approaching their target, the old and abandoned apartment building.

''I'm sorry, Cisco. It's just, something has been bothering me. I just have that gut feeling that I've seen this man before, somewhere...'' Whispered the detective, scrubbing his beard.

''Maybe you arrested him before? '' Theorized the engineer as both men stopped walking and slightly moved into the alley to stay out of sight while getting ready to move.

''I think I would remember arresting someone who can disabled Meta abilities. Don't you think?'' Protested Joe, before correcting himself. ''Unless that was before the explosion.''

''Maybe your brain is just playing tricks on you, considering how many times you must've seen these security tapes at your job.'' Tried Cisco.

''I don't know...'' With the years, Joe learned when to trust a gut feeling this strong, his instincts were usually spot on in cases like this. He was missing something huge, but what? It was bugging him beyond words. ''Alright, you're ready?'' Whispered Joe, taking off the safety of his gun just before entering the abandoned premise where Cisco and Barry got brutally attacked two nights ago, shifting the conversation back to their immediate mission. They weren't going to solve the whole mystery in an alley.

''Ready as I could be.'' Replied the engineer, walking just behind, in full Vibe gear. ''You sure you don't me to try opening a portal in there?''

''Like I'm going to risk you getting inside first if he's in there. Not to mention last time you tried opening a portal in the same dimension you nearly fainted from your migraine.''

''Point taken.'' Grumbled Vibe as they slowly made their way upstairs, the stairs creaking under the feet, closely listening to every sound around.

Arriving at the door, they found the door still wide open, exactly how they left it after that fight. Apparently, their Meta decided to go crash somewhere else that wasn't compromised. Smart move, even if he still had a clear advantage over his opponents, for now. It still didn't stop Joe to protectively stay in front of the engineer as he entered the disgusting apartment, full of dust and wastes on the floor. Nasty odors were filling the apartment as the detective made a quick check in every room, one by one. It was as Joe checked the next-to-last room that he noticed he wasn't being followed anymore.

''Cisco? Cisco!'' He shouted, quickly moving out of the room.

''In here!'' Instantly answered the familiar voice, coming from pretty close.

Walking past the broken window and barely looking down at the blood, Barry's blood, from when they got attacked, Joe went straight to the room where Cisco was standing. A dirty wooden bed was placed against the wall and rotten food on the nightstand, but all of Cisco's attention was on the opposite wall. On this wall there was multiple copies of a newspaper article, all of the same article, the one written on the morning of October 18th, 2016.

_Flash ends dangerous menace in the Badland_

_By Iris West_

It was the article Iris wrote the morning after the explosion, the one she was working one while Cisco and Caitlin were walking back in the lab to find that letter Barry wrote before leaving. It was the article in which she described how The Flash stopped Hyde. Technically, the hero had been in the Ghost suit during the whole raid, not the Flash one, but really, who really knew about that? Nobody, except Team Flash. All the reporter wanted that day was just to give people hope that their hero wasn't dead, that he was back and he was the one who protected them from another threat.

Flashes of understanding passed in both men's eyes as they looked at each other. Now, they had a lead. It wasn't much, but they had their first real clue to figuring out this man's motive.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''We know what the Suppressor wants, why he's so mad at Barry.'' Declared Cisco without introduction, the instant he got back at the lab. Entering the cortex, he threw one of the article he took off the wall on the desk in front of Wally, Iris and Caitlin as Joe was making his own entrance right behind him.

''It's all because of Hyde? Why would that guy be so angry that Barry took down one bad person?'' Inquired Wally, frowning.

''He must've been working for him, whatever Hyde promised the Suppressor for his good work, he lost it all when Barry took him down. '' Theorized Joe.

''And because of the article, he thinks Flash did it, that's why he was so mad at Barry. '' Finally understood Wally.

''Exactly'' Said Cisco, happy everyone was coming to the same conclusion, cementing his theory. ''The Suppressor probably escaped the raid, or was outside at the time Barry took down Hyde, but because of Iris' article, he knows the Flash is responsible for his associate's downfall.''

The pieces of the puzzle were finally starting to come into place. Now, they just needed to figure a way to take that guy down and find his name, Out of the blue, Joe snapped his fingers, gaining everyone's attention, before exclaiming.

''I knew I saw him somewhere. He was there, at Hyde's lair.''

Every pair of eyes in the cortex ended up gluing themselves on the detective.

''What do you mean?'' Asked Caitlin. ''I thought you said everyone at the lair either died or was arrested. ''

''When we raided the place and when I took the whole Police Force inside to attack Hyde's Lair, The Suppressor was there. I went searching for Barry and when I finally found him, he was on the ground, screaming in pain and powerless, with our Meta standing over him.'' Recollected Iris' father. ''When I approached, the Suppressor just ran away and I went to check on Barry. ''

''You never told us about that.'' Observed Cisco. ''Why?''

''I'm sorry everyone, it got out of my head as we started attacking Hyde and Barry ran off with the Fountain on the edge of exploding.''

Oh right, good times, times Cisco wanted to forget. Who could blame Joe for forgetting about seeing a random Meta for a couple of seconds while his son was running to his death with a dangerous artefact?

''But now, we know why Barry hasn't said a word to us; he wants payback.'' Concluded Iris with a weirdly detached voice.

How far would that payback go? What if Barry wanted to murder that other man? No. It didn't sound like Barry, the guy she knew and loved wouldn't do or even consider killing someone out of vengeance.

''But, why? There's probably many of Hyde's minions who weren't at his Central City lair on that day, why would Barry want to get revenge on the Suppressor in particular?'' Said Cisco, not wanting to believe it either. There has to be another reason, something big that would push Barry over the edge.

''We don't know what he endured between the moment he was captured and when he got pulled under the spell.'' Noted Wally. ''Hyde was probably too busy to do much of anything to Barry, someone else probably kept him…company.'' The last word was spoken with disgust, no needing more explanation to clarify what Barry's adoptive brother really meant.

Iris shivered, shaking her head in a faint attempt to clear her mind off the images taking over her brain. 4 months, that's how long Barry had been gone after Hyde took him. What happened between the time Barry was captured and the time the spell took control of his mind, almost 3 months after he went missing? Was he only fed upon? Was he being tortured? How bad? Barry never went into the details, in fact he barely said anything about his time in Hyde's lair. Constantine said that Barry had to go through horrible pain, pain so bad that the vast majority of the people undergoing it died before their mind broke. Did the hero endure all of his pain at the hands of the Suppressors during that time?

''If Barry really wants vengeance, that's probably why he didn't tell us anything. He knows we wouldn't approve what he was planning.''

''You can't tell me you guys all think Barry wants to kill that guy? ….Right? Maybe he just wants to put him behind bars or something.'' It was Wally's turn to shiver, he had been looking up at the hero since learning about his secret. He just couldn't imagine Barry murdering someone in cold blood.

Everyone face was grave and Iris visibly swallowed as Joe passed a hand in his hair, it was worse than they thought.

''That would surely explain why he's so focused, why that's all he's been thinking about. And that's probably why he came back here.'' Sadly added Iris, realizing now how the lies weren't in the past. Was Barry only back for vengeance, not because he loved them, because he loved her?

''Vengeance isn't going to make him feel better, not in the long run.'' Protested Caitlin.

''No, it won't. '' Approved Joe. ''We need to stop him before he kills that guy, Barry will regret it eventually if we let him go through this.''

''No to mention the consequences of murdering someone at cold blood, he could throw his life away. '' Pressed Caitlin, not that she really needed to do it, everyone was already backing her up on that. There was no way they were going to let Barry kill the Suppressor, no matter what happened between them.

''Alright, it's great that we all agree on this, but what's the plan? You want to lock him up again?'' Asked Cisco.

It didn't work too well the last time, it wasn't an option.

''No, we need to confront him, head on. All of us.''

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

Silently sitting on his own in the small room, Barry couldn't stop thinking about last year, when he came back to his friend, under Hyde's control. Back then, he pretended not remembering a single thing from his missing time, but it wasn't true, even now he could clearly recall everything. If only he could just forget what happened to him, if only he could bury his head in the sand and pretend that Matthew wasn't his problem or his responsibility …

Except, it wasn't an option. Barry did all of this to him, everything that was happening now was his fault. Maybe, one day, he will tell everyone else, but not now. What transpired between him and Matt, months ago, was his problem and he was determined to take care of the problem.

''I'm coming.'' He whispered.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

_7 months ago :_

''Take it easy, kid.'' Said an unknown male voice as Barry came back to consciousness, feeling like a train ran him over, or maybe it was a herd of wild horses. Maybe both. Probably both, thought Barry as he badly struggled to sit up while his vision was all blurry. Never in his entire life could Barry recall having a headache like that, it was like his brain was trying to explode and evaporate his skull on the way out while every single move he attempted to make was only making his nausea worse.

Despite Barry's best efforts, he found himself unable to completely sit up, thanks to his weak and shaky limbs that weren't cooperative at all. He ended up awkwardly leaning against the wall, or whatever it was behind his back, supporting him and preventing the hero from completely falling back on the ground. If only his head could stop spinning. Tightly closing his eyes, his breathing pace increased in a desperate, and faint, attempt to regain control of all his senses as his heart was painfully speeding up and throbbing in his chest.

''Deep breath, try to take it easy. You'll be fine.'' Said again that slow and gentle voice. It sounded so comforting.

Was it weird to think that when it was coming from someone you never heard before? Weird or not, that's how Barry felt, his instinct was telling him that he could and needed to trust that voice. Turning his head a tad too quickly in the voice's direction, the dizziness instantly grew exceptionally worse to the point it was impossible to suppress it anymore, sending the speedster vomiting right next where he was.

 _'Come on, Barry, in and out, in and out.'_  He encouraged himself. Easy.

''Listen to my voice, kid, you can do it.''

Once the world stopped spinning, the speedster was finally able to truly, completely open his eyes and take in his surroundings; he was in a small and dirty cell. And by dirty, he meant actual dirt. The ground was covered with it and looking around, Barry finally noticed that the walls and ceiling were actually solid, brown, rocks. Where was he? Probably in some sort of cave or underground somewhere. On his left, barely couple of feet away, was the limit of his cell, delimited by rusty metal bars and also the beginning of the cell next to his. And between the bars, he could finally see the person who's been talking to him for the last minutes. The voice belonged to another prisoner, a muscular man in his mid-30 with short, messed-up brown hair with soft features and who was grabbing the bars, gently looking at the hero.

''Are you ok, kid?''

''Who…are you?'' Asked Barry, still heavily breathing, hands on his stomach, somehow hoping it would ease the agonizing pain in his guts. ''Where…are…we?''

The events that brought him down in his rat hole were blurry at best. He remembered having another fight with his friends at S.T.A.R. Labs, he remembered running head first into a fire in downtown and….there was this indescribable pain. And…that was it. Looking down to his body, he noticed that he wasn't wearing his Flash suit anymore, replaced by a washed out, dirty and smelly green sleeveless prisoner outfit, full of holes everywhere.

''My name is Matthew Carter and I think we're in trouble.'' Simply answered the older man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment, always deeply appreciated :) Who's confused about what the...happened between Barry and Matthew? You think Barry will try and kill him in the present?
> 
> And if you don't remember what Joe was talking about, go back in Wounds of the Soul-Chapter 20, you'll see the moment Matthew appeared in the first story and escaped. At that point I knew he was going to be my villain for the second story.


	8. The promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Matt get to talk in the flashback while the Team in the present try to stop another attack

_7 months ago_

''I don't get it.'' Firmly said Barry after a long silence, feeling his strength slowly, but surely, coming back to him. He finally regained the ability to sit straight on the rock wall behind him. ''What are we doing here?''

''You're the Flash, aren't you?'' Asked Matthew, with a hint of excitation in the voice despite the circumstances, barely hearing the question that had been asked to him.

Barry tensed up. It would make sense that some people learned about his secret identity today since someone took him out of the suit, but just how many people? The Scarlet Speedster needed to get out of that cage, which shouldn't be too hard by phasing.

''How do you….'' That's at this exact moment, halfway in his sentence that Barry noticed something was very, very wrong; he couldn't use his powers. A cold shiver ran down his spine and his facial expression probably reflected his inner distress considering how Matthew pressed his hands against the bars, worry all over his face.

''Kid? Are you ok?'' He asked.

''My...my powers.'' Started saying Barry. ''I can't get us out.''

The concern in the other prisoner's eyes turned into guilt as the other man lowered his head so he wasn't making eye contact with the speedster anymore.

''I'm sorry, I'm the reason you can't use your powers right now.'' He admitted without hesitation.

''Why would you do that?'' Asked Barry, frowning and suddenly on the defensive, as he slowly crawled on the ground to approach the other man, 'til he was almost at arm's length from Matthew.

''I'm sorry…What's your name, kid?''

Barry stayed unfazed by the question, needed his interrogation to be answered first. Understanding, the other man continued: ''The man who took you, he took me because he found out I have the ability to…I don't know, neutralize, suppress, other Meta's powers.''

''Why are you helping him? Why are you in a cell too?'' If he was a spy, pretending to be a fellow prisoner, let's admit it, he was the worst spy of all time. Unless things went south between him and that other man. Yeah, now Barry could remember that person too. His mind was starting to remember the face of the old person standing in the fire, waiting for his prey.

It couldn't be either of these theories considering the way Matthew started tearing up and looking away before talking again:

''Because he said he was going to kill my 2 children and my wife, my pregnant wife, if I didn't suppress your powers. If you escape, he'll kill them all.''

Oh, that would explain it. You sure had to admire how trusting that guy was, spilling all of this to a person he didn't even know. It took guts, or blind trust, trust in the hero of Central City. A trust Barry wasn't sure he deserved right now.

''Matthew…I'm sorry.'' Stammered the speedster, he should've know better and keep trusting his first instinct about that guy. Sure, there was always a chance this Matthew person was lying about everything, but the hero was willing to take that chance and have faith in the other Meta. They were in this together.

''Barry.'' He simply added, reaching out between the bars with his right arm as the other Meta wiped away his tears with a shaking hand.

Once his vision was clear again, Matt hesitantly shook the hand and replied: ''I'm sorry?''

''My name is Barry. Barry Allen. I promise you, we will figure out a way out of this, together. I'll reunite you with your family. And, no need to get yourself worn out by using your powers, I won't try anything that will risk the lives of your family.'' He said, speaking like a true hero.

''Thanks.'' Said Matthew with a watery smile.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

_Present time_

''What's that?'' Asked Wally, swiftly turning around to look at the computers when the sound of an alarm filled the room. Instantly, Cisco ran back behind the equipments.

''That is….the Metahuman app.'' Answered Vibe as he quickly looked at the early information he had. ''The Suppressor is at it again, wreaking havoc at the shipyard.'' Reported Cisco.

''What are you going to do about it?'' Inquired Joe, in full battle mode as Cisco was already moving away from the console, determination in his eyes.

''I'll take care of him, he won't beat me twice.'' He said, looking around for his Vibe goggles and gauntlets.

''What are you planning to do? '' Asked Iris, repeating her father's question. ''You're still going to be powerless against him.'' As much as the Suppressor needed to be stopped and they all knew they couldn't risk sending Barry right now, it wasn't worth risking Cisco life either.

''I don't know, I'll improvise.'' Quickly answered Cisco, grabbing his equipment. ''I'll go in there and push as hard as I can against his powers.'' He said, preparing his plan as he was talking. ''Plus there's going to be a lot of cops there, maybe it will be enough to fatigue him. I rather take my chances against the Suppressor than let Barry go out there and either get killed or kill that guy.''

There was no arguing with that.

''I'll join you there.'' Said Joe, grabbing his car keys and jogging toward the exit before Cisco even had time to open a breach.

''Be careful!'' Loudly requested Iris to her father as he was leaving. ''Same for you.'' She said, turning to Cisco.

''I'll try my best. '' He promised, putting his goggles on and raising his left arm in the air to summon his powers, opening a breach. ''Better get the pipeline ready.'' He said with a small smile as he jumped into the opening he just created.

Popping out on the harbor, Cisco took quick mental notes of his surrounding, turning his head to the left, then to the right, trying to discern what he could possibly use as a weapon. To his left, he could see a small crowd of people, mostly composed of shipyard workers and curious citizens trying to get a peek at what was happening. On the other side of Vibe, barely a couple of feet away from the crowd, the tall Metahuman was standing there in bright daylight. A young woman with dark skin and working clothes was standing in front of the Meta, shaking in terror, but keeping her ground to protect the still form of a man lying at the Suppressor's feet. From the distance, it was impossible to tell if he was even alive. He wasn't moving a single muscle in the thin carpet of snow of this chilly and snowing January day.

Police sirens could be heard closing on the scene as The Suppressors took one step forward to cover half the distance separating himself from his next victim.

''Step away from them!'' Screamed Cisco, raising his arms and sending a shock wave before his adversary had the time to notice his presence.

It did it! The offensive attack directly connected with his target, sending the Suppressor flying a couple of feet, away from his victims and further away from the crowd as police cars made a stop next to them.

''Go!'' Screamed Cisco to the young woman who didn't need any convincing, grabbing her coworker's shoulders and dragging him toward the police cars as Cisco activated his comm system. ''Alright, any ideas against him?'' He inquired to the people in the cortex.

''Try to keep your distance.'' Suggested Iris. ''We don't know the range of his powers yet.''

Worth a try. But not completely useful.

''You again?'' Groaned the Metahuman, getting back on his feet with surprising agility. ''This doesn't concern you. I'm waiting for the Flash.''

''What do you have against him?'' Asked Cisco, trying to keep his anxiety at bay and keep a straight face. The familiar feeling in his fingers was still there, his powers were still ready to blow out another attack at any second. So far so good. Cisco knew he should probably attack right now, while he still could, but his curiosity was holding him back. He needed to know, he needed to know now what was the deal between the Suppressor and Barry and why Barry was still acting weird.

''It. Doesn't. Concern. You.'' Growled the Suppressor, repeating his last sentence. ''He took my life away and I'll take his in return.'' The hatred the older man had toward the Central City's speedster was vibrating with every word and his body was almost shaking with resentment.

Despite the fact that the Suppressor was still wearing his dark hood and the ninja-like mask to cover his mouth and nose, Cisco still got a chance to finally take a good look at the other man in the daylight. A pretty large and ugly scar was running down crosswise over his nose and under his right eye. And, what was that, right over his right eye? From the distance it looked like burned tissue. Could Barry be responsible for that? Was that man forced to hide his features because of Barry? No, it couldn't be...Unless the CSI did it while under Hyde's control. Either way, Cisco needed to figure that out.

''We can talk about it. Come with me.''

''Get out of my way.'' Screamed the Suppressors, overly tired of the discussion.

Alright, time to take him down in by force...or not. Cisco froze, his powers were gone again. He couldn't feel them anymore.

''Wa-'' He started to say, but it was too late; he waited too long and now the other man's powers were creeping under his skin, attacking his brain and sending overwhelming pain waves in his whole body. Except, this time, it felt a thousand times worse than the last, like acid was now running down his veins.

'' ARRGG'' Screamed Cisco, sensing his blood boiling under his skin while his head felt like it was about to explode. ''STOP!'' He ordered, using every last bit of strength to form one last coherent word before his whole body fell on his side, harshly connecting with the concrete. Vibe didn't even heard the police officers falling down with him, all the them victim to the same sufferings.

''I want the Flash.'' Growled The Suppressor, intensively eyeing his last victim, barely glancing back at the cops on the ground, their head between their hands. Despite having close to ten victims under his grasp simultaneously, he wasn't getting tired. In fact, he was smiling in exhilaration.

While the whole police group just kept on whimpering in pain, it was more than evident to all the terrified observers that Cisco was having the worst of that painful wave. If his screams of agony weren't enough to confirm that fact, the blood that started to drip out of his nose and ears just before he started twitching, and seizing, did the trick.

''Cisco! '' Screamed over and over women's voices in Vibe's ears. ''What's going on? Your vitals are all over the place!''

The silence was the only answer they got as Cisco's seizing finally came to a stop, a complete one, leaving Vibe completely inert on the ground.

''Bring me The Flash or I'll kill that one.'' Said the Suppressor, grabbing the unresponsive engineer by the collar and lifting him in the air like a rag doll under the collective gasp of horror from the crowd. Nobody dared to move a single muscle as the powerful Meta moved away, dragging his unconscious victim with him in the container yard and closer to the water.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''What's happening?'' Hurriedly said Barry as he arrived in the cortex with his usual yellow lightning and the whoosh sound, sending papers flying all over. The distress screams of everyone calling for the engineer made their way to the room he had been silently sitting in for the last couple of hours.

''Cisco's at the shipyard, the Suppressor has him.'' Concisely explained Caitlin, barely looking up from the screen.

Screw everything else and their intention to keep the Suppressor attack a secret, Cisco was in danger and he needed all the help he could get. The doctor barely had the time to finish her sentence before another whoosh sound filled the room and in a blink of an eye, the still damaged Ghost suit disappeared from the chair in the back of the room alongside the CSI.

Barry's run came to an abrupt stop as he arrived at the destination, hidden from curious eyes, between the containers and the river.

''Matthew! Stop! Let him go!'' He ordered the second he immobilized himself, stopping right in front of The Suppressor.

''You're alive.'' Noted The Suppressor, venom in his voice. Nevertheless, he still complied, harshly discarding his still unconscious prey on the ground. ''Bring me The Flash.''

''I'm here.'' Said Barry, glancing around to insure that other than Cisco on the ground, nobody was there, before proceeding in taking his mask off and revealing his face. ''It's me.''

The anger and the resentment the older man seemed to have for the Ghost grew exponentially.

''You! How could you? You betrayed us all!'' He shouted. ''You took everything from me! ''

''Matt, stop! It's not what really happened and I know that deep inside, you know this too''

''No!'' Growled the Suppressor. '' It's all your fault, you did this to me! You destroyed my life, Barry.''

Barry felt his chest tightened at the accusation. It wasn't entirely false, Matthew went through all of this because of him. Everything that happened to this man, everything he lost was because of the speedster.

Staring at each other, none of the two men noticed how Cisco started twitching on the ground, suppressing a groan of pain as he was slowly coming back to the world of the living. The first thing that Vibe registered was The Suppressor talking to…to who? Was Joe finally there?

''I'm really sorry I did this to you. I should've saved you. '' Said Barry. ''Listen to me, Matthew, I'm not the enemy. ''

Barry? What was he doing on the scene? Cisco pushed back the throbbing and constant pain in his skull and prepared himself to turn over and get back in the fight….until he heard his friend dropping a name. Matthew? So Barry really did know who his attacker was and he knew why that guy was after him. From the sound of it, it seemed like they were only chatting for now instead of fighting. Taking a split second decision, Cisco decided to just stay there, face down, closely listening to every single word while pretending to still be unconscious.

''I made you a promise and I'm sorry I broke it, but I can help you now. Please, let me. Trust me. '' Continued the speedster, frantic to get through his adversary. In was all in complete vain.

''You destroyed my life, Barry.'' Answered Matthew with disdain and hate all over each syllable. ''You deserve to die. You abandoned me, you left me there to die out there! He took care of me and you killed him!''

''It wasn't like that.'' He protested. ''Listen to your words, you're not yourself! I'm sorry for what transpired, I really am, but I'm here now. Aren't I? I came back to make things right with you.''

The last sentence had the effect of a cold shower and a punch in the guts for the man on the ground. So, that's why Barry really came back. He didn't return to Central City to see his friends, nor did he reappear because he wanted to reunite with his family. No, he came back in town because of that man. Iris' guess was spot on.

From his point of view, Cisco spotted two feet carefully approaching, sneaking closer and closer. Daring to move his head just a couple of inches higher, taking the chance to be caught in his sleeping act, Vibe confirmed the cavalry's identity. Joe was there, holding his gun in the air. Neither Barry nor Matt took notice of Cisco moving or Joe closing in on them. Taking one quick look down, Joe instantly noticed that Cisco was awake, prompting him to gesture at the young man to stay down and silent.

''Now, you die!'' Suddenly exclaimed Matthew. Out of the blue, he surged toward his victim while taking a long, sharp, knife out of his black vest and aimed it straight at Barry's chest.

The following events succeeded each other in a matter of seconds. With Barry's life at stake, the detective didn't hesitate to fire, aiming at the older man's heart, the shot resonating in the air and causing both men to turn their head around.

''NO!'' Suddenly screamed Barry.

Instead of taking a step away from the target who was trying to murder him, he took a step closer, rushing toward Matthew and pushing him out of the way.

''BAR-'' Shouted Joe, his eyes opening wide in terror as he saw everything happening one frame at the time. There was the bullet going toward the Meta and Barry was getting more and more in the trajectory. The scream died in his throat before he could finish pronouncing his son's name

Cisco turned on his side, positioning himself to defend his friend, but the moment he got into position, it was to witness his best friend howling in pain and instantly dropping on the ground in front of his attacker.

''NO!'' Screamed Vibe, sending the most powerful shock wave he ever had, painfully connecting with Matthew. It sent the Suppressor flying over the dock edge and straight into the freezing water.

''BARRY!'' Shouted again Joe's voice in panic, dashing to where his son had fallen. ''Please be ok.'' He asked as he knelt next to the speedster, slowly turning him on his back. ''Hang in there.'' He whispered to his son, crawling him in his shaking arms, as he saw the closed eyes and heard the raspy, full of pain, breathing.

''M...a...tt...'' Unconsciously whispered Barry.

''Cisco, open a breach, now!'' He ordered to Vibe as the young man was rushing to their side, taking in his barely conscious friend who was losing blood at an alarming pace.

''What the hell...'' Whispered back the young man in shock. Barely an hour ago, they were all discussing how Barry was going to kill a man and take revenge. And now, he just took a bullet for that same man. Definitely, the team missed something huge and their interpretation was way off.

''CISCO!'' Repeated Joe, his voice shaking almost just as bad as his arms. He just did it again, he shot Barry again, months later. How could this happen? They needed to stop the bleeding NOW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, leave a comment  
> Sorry not sorry for torturing Barry so much ;)


	9. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Matt keeps on taking care of Barry while, in the present, the team try to understand Barry's actions and who's the Suppressor

_6 months ago_

Waking up in confusion and in agony was starting to become something of a habit. How many times has this happened since getting captured? Barry couldn't quite remember for sure. Three times? Barry had no idea how long he'd been unconscious or even how long since he had been taken. He knew his prison mate was keeping tabs of time in the sand; he saw Matthew draw a new line every time they received their daily food ration, but the speedster wasn't sure he really wanted to know how much time passed since he went missing. He didn't want to know for how long his friends, who were some of the smartest people in the world, had been unable to locate his position.

Has it been 1 week? 1 month? 2 months, maybe? More? It was hard to tell, especially at the moment with his foggy mind. If his friends still hadn't find him by now, they might as well never succeed. The only thing he needed to stay focused on right now was keeping the ache under control, knowing that the last time Hyde fed on him it took longer to recuperate than when he was first kidnapped. Who knows how many days it would take this time for his guts to stop burning, for his migraine to vanish and for the soreness to leave his limbs?

''Are you back with me, kid?'' Said Matthew's clear voice, entering Barry's mind and anchoring him to reality like it did the first time he woke up in that prison.

''Think so.'' He grumbled weakly, slowly opening his eyes and awakening to not one, but two pottery bowls with white disgusting stew inside and a small glass of dirty water.

''You were out for a very long time. You had me worried there.'' Said Matthew, his soft and comforting voice filled with concern.

''What's that?'' Inquired Barry, dragging himself in the sand until he was right at his double daily portion of food.

His exhausted and starving mind couldn't quite put two and two together right now, was he seeing double now? Maybe it was one of the effect of being drained for so many times. One portion was barely large enough to keep an average adult alive and we're not even talking about the diet requirements of a speedster. The only bright side of this whole nightmare was how the feeding sessions were slowing down his powers, just enough so Barry wouldn't starve to death in a couple of weeks.

''I guess they miss-calculated the portions, it's your lucky day, kid.'' Said Matthew, faintly smiling.

That's when it clicked, when Barry's mind came back online and he finally understood. The hero shook his head; he appreciated the gesture, but he couldn't accept it.

''You can't give me your portion, you need it.'' He said, pushing the second bowl at the bars. ''You can't keep doing that.'' He added, coughing painfully as his throat protested the abuse of talking. It was the 3rd time the other man had done this, or was it the 4th time? Both prisoners were showing signs of starvation, they couldn't throw away their only daily meal.

''Come on, kid. All I do all day long is sit on my ass while you literally get your life taken away. You need all the energy you can get. We're already missing more than half the food we should be having, I won't miss a little less for one day.'' Feeling his stomach was about to growl, the older man rose his voice tone a bit higher to conceal it. He couldn't let Barry figure out how starving he was right now.

''Are you…sure?'' Asked Barry.

The speedster couldn't admit it out loud at the moment, but he felt like passing out again, needing to fall back into oblivion from the suffering and the on-going starvation.

''Sure, go ahead, I'm fine.'' Assured Matthew, smiling thought the pain.

Slowly, delicately, Barry reached out toward the cheap bowl, lifting it at the same level than his chest with continuous efforts from his weakened muscles. Letting go of the bowl with his left hand, so he could use it to dip in, he instantly realized he shouldn't have done that move so fast. The weight of his food combined with the bowl proved to be too heavy in his weak state. His right hand tried his best, but it started to badly shake under the effort and finally let go of it all. Before Barry's reflexes could kick in, the first bowl went down on the ground, upside down, losing the food on the ground.

''Arrg!'' Groaned Barry in frustration, taking the spilled bowl and throwing it with all his remaining strength against the wall. The hero barely heard the breaking sound of the bowl crashing against the rocks as he loudly started sobbing, tears running down his cheeks.

''Barry?'' Worriedly asked Matt, pressing his face against the bars to get as close as possible to his younger friend. ''Barry? Listen to me, kid.'' He said again as Central City's speedster completely ignored him. ''Talk to me. I know you're exhausted, I know you're in pain, but you can't give up. '' He softly said.

''I'm so sorry, Matt, everything is my fault. You're in here because of me. '' Grossly sobbed Barry, looking at his cell's door right in front of him and not turning his head to look at his interlocutor. ''And now you lost your food…because of me.''

''Kid, look at me. You can do it.'' Matt patiently waited for his request to be heard and carry out. The destroyed face looking at him was constricting Matt's heart. ''It's not your fault, alright? And don't worry about the food, I'm fine. I don't spend enough energy by sitting around here all day to be that hungry anyway.'' He lied, again, needing to cheer the young man up.

''He took you from your family, because of me. '' Said Barry, turning his head to the opposite direction so his prison mate couldn't see his tears anymore.

''He took  _us_  because he's a psychopath. I could never blame you, I promise. We're going to get out of here, together. You hear me? We're in this together and we'll get out together, you understand? ''

The silence that followed went on for long enough for Matt to believe that the Flash had somehow lost consciousness or fell asleep from his over exhausted state, but a weak voice finally whispered back.

''Why….why do you care?''

''Because you're a good kid and a hero. I've seen the good you've done for the city; you never give up, no matter what. I'm never going to give up on you, the same way I know you'll never give up on me. ''

''Together.'' Repeated Barry, loudly snorting. The situation seemed hopeless right now, but it wasn't only his life on the line, Matt was counting on him. He silently repeated in his head his promise to reunite the older man with his family, before the birth of his new child. ''Thanks.'' He added before crawling back to where Matt's portion was spilled on the ground, the thick food mixing itself with the sand. Without hesitation, Barry took the mix of food and sand in his hands and proceeded into eating it, determined to not let his friend's sacrifice go to waste before eating his own portion.

Win or lose, they were going to do it together.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

_Present time_

''Are you ok?'' Asked Iris, closing on Cisco as he was sitting in complete silence at the back of the room, massaging his forehead with his eyes closed.

''Worse…mi…graine…ev..er.'' He groaned in response. ''It shouldn't be taking this long. '' He added, opening his eyes and looking up in the medical bay's direction where Caitlin and Wally had been working on the speedster for the last half hour. Or more? All sense of time had been lost to everyone who was anxiously waiting for news.

It barely took moments to open a breach and transport the speedster back at the lab, but by the time they made it, the hero's shoulder and Joe's hands and chest were covered in blood. Even Caitlin's face turned white at the sight, but she immediately regained her composure. Putting on her emergency, emotionless, doctor mask on, she jumped into action without wasting time asking questions. Questions could wait 'til her friend was stable. She rushed Barry in the medical room with Wally rushing to assist since Cisco looked like he was barely staying on his feet.

''What if I hit his artery? What if he's….'' Asked Joe with shaking lips, tremors running down his arms and hands as he was sitting behind the main desk in the cortex. Twice, twice in less than 6 months, that he shot his son. Was this ever going to stop? Sure, he knew when he made the shot he was aiming the right person and Barry is the one who got in the way, but it didn't make him feel any better.

Iris' mouth opened as she was about to say something, but closed it when Caitlin and Wally got out of the medical room, walking in their direction with blood staining their clothes. Pushing the pain aside, Cisco got up to close on the group.

''He's going to be ok.'' Announced the doctor before anyone had the chance to ask the question. ''The bullet bounced off the bone and grazed his axillary artery. Half an inch higher and he would've bled to death in less than a minute.'' She said seriously.

''But...he WILL be ok?'' Asked Iris again, needed to be completely sure.

''The bullet did a lot of nerve and muscle damages, enough to be permanent for a normal person. Not to mention that he lost a lot of blood. But, considering his powers, he should completely recover within a couple of days.'' Assured Caitlin, turning her attention to the boys who were there when everything unfold. ''Anyone want to share how this happened?''

How did she end up operating on the speedster two days in a row?

''I did this.'' Admitted Joe, looking back down at his hands, avoiding eye contact.

''Why-''

''It wasn't Joe's fault.'' Replied Cisco, interrupted the doctor. ''He pulled the trigger, but he was aiming at the...Suppressor.'' The engineer took a small pause, pronouncing the Meta's nickname with hesitation. That name had a different taste in his mouth all of the sudden. Maybe it was because now he knew this man had a past with Barry, something important he couldn't quite understand it just yet. ''Barry put himself in the trajectory of the bullet.''

''Why?'' Asked Wally. ''Did he stumble or something?''

''No. It was intentional.'' Answered Cisco without a doubt. ''He wanted to save that man's life, there's no doubt. We were definitely wrong about the situation. Matthew's, or whatever his name is, hate toward Barry isn't mutual. ''

All the eyes looked at him at the mention of Matt's name, frowning in confusion. Even Joe was seriously staring at him. ''Matt...hew?'' No one could blame him for missing what Barry whispered after getting shot.

''I've been awake and aware for a moment or two before Joe showed up and got to eavesdrop on part of the chat between the Suppressor, Matthew, and Barry. Barry obviously cares a lot about him. I just didn't quite catch up why. The one thing that's sure is that they had some kind of fallout.'' Cisco took a pause to scratch his forehead, trying in vain to push his migraine away before continuing. ''We need to find out more about that man, about Matthew.''

''We'll need to wait for Barry to wake up and it could take a moment.'' Said Caitlin, almost whispering the next part: ''That's if he doesn't lie to us again.''

''We might have another way...'' Mysteriously said Cisco, joining Joe behind the computers and rapidly starting to type: ''It's just a hunch, but maybe we can identify Matthew by looking up in the CCPD database. ''

''What are you looking for exactly?'' Asked Joe, skeptical.

''We could search for every act committed by person with Matthew as their first name during the last year.''

''How's that going to help us?''

''Of all the Meta criminals we ever encountered, how many of them didn't have a criminal record before getting powers?'' Said Cisco, defending his idea. ''How many hit can we….oh. It could take a while.''

123, 123 people called Matthew either broke the criminal code, the traffic laws or went missing in the last twelve months.

''Maybe if you take the speeding and parking tickets out of the search.'' Suggested Wally, leaning in next to the computer to take a peek at the screen. Caitlin was closely behind, just as skeptical as the detective, but also curious about the results. The number of results went from 123 to 97. That was really going to take a moment to check them all out, not to mention the chances that The Suppressor wasn't even on that list.

''Maybe it's that guy who tried to steal a puppy last Valentine? '' Said Caitlin, sarcastically, as she was looking at the list. She was clearly not convinced they were going to find something useful before Barry's awakening. ''Or maybe the one in September who ran naked in a park with a clown nose?''

Cisco sent her a side-glance, not amused, as he kept on scrolling down the list.

''Wait wait wait! Go back up.'' Suddenly exclaimed Joe, gesturing at the screen. ''A little more, just a little….there. Matthew Carter.'' He said, pointing at the name in the middle of the screen. ''Why's that name sounds familiar?''

''Doesn't ring a bell to me.'' Said Cisco, shrugging like the rest of the team, but still humoring Barry's foster dad by clicking on Matthew Carter's entry.

''Yeah, me neither '' Said Caitlin, leaning a bit more to look at the details. ''It say he's been missing for months.''

''I knew I heard that name somewhere, look at the date he was abducted. '' Joe took a step back to let the young people in the room get closer.

''May 27th, 2016? '' Read Cisco, unsure what it was supposed to….''Wait, that's-''

''2 days before Barry was taken. Exactly.'' Completed Joe. ''I remember now. When Barry first went missing, we looked over a lot of other missing person's cases to see if there was a connection, Matthew Carter was one of the case we briefly looked into before dismissing the connection.''

Right at the corner of the missing person file was a cropped picture of a happy man in some sort of park, smiling widely with a thin arm around his shoulders, probably a woman. His wife maybe? Enlarging the portrait of the man, Cisco closely studied every feature of the bright face, mentally trying to add scars to him. Yes, it could definitely be the man he confronted, twice.

''That guy doesn't even has a speeding ticket, his file is completely clean.'' Commented Cisco, still looking at the screen before turning around to look at the rest of his friends. ''What are we thinking? Another prisoner?''

''A fellow prisoner who got pissed that he was left behind?'' Tried Wally.

''I don't know…but Barry will have some explaining to do when he'll wake up.'' Concluded Joe, serious expression on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment! You guys are still rooting for an happy ending for Matt and Barry?
> 
> I swear no puppy were hurt or stolen during the writing of that chapter ;) I can also promise more flashbacks next chapter, hope you like them. And don't worry, the team WILL confront Barry in the next chapter


	10. Losing Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Flash confront Barry on his relation with Matt in the present and things go desperate in the flashbacks

As expected, considering the extent of the injuries, the speedster didn't start showing signs of waking up 'til after the sun went down. It gave enough time for Joe to go back to the station and gather as much information as he could on this Matthew Carter. The puzzle was almost complete now, they just needed the last couple of pieces. For that, they needed Barry to wake up, something he did barely half an hour after the detective came back to the lab. While Joe, and everyone else, had been worried about Flash's mental and physical condition, they all had more than enough of the lies and secrets. Secrets had always been their thing, but it was ending now. The group's patience had reached it's limits and they were demanding immediate answers.

''Hey.'' Rasped Barry as he opened his eyes and his gaze met the serious looks of his whole team. Grimacing in pain, as he tried to move around, the CSI broke eye contact and turned his head to search for the source of his discomfort.

It didn't take too long to spot the temporary arm sling that was keeping his arm and painful shoulder immobilized and attached to his chest. ''Oww.'' He groaned, as he tried once more to move his limb around to test his theory. Yup, Barry might not be a doctor, but he could confirm that something wasn't right with his shoulder.

The glares and the silence he received as an answer were uncomfortable to say the very least. Even Joe looked more angry than worried. Uh oh. That's not what he was used to receive in the medical bay.

''Happened?'' He asked, confused. The last thing he remembered was being at the shipyard and discussing with Matthew before hearing a gunshot. Then, nothing. Total blank.

''You threw yourself in front of a bullet, that's what happened.'' Grumbled Joe.

 _'Oh, right.'_  Thought Barry, it was ringing a bell now.

''You could've die, for the guy who was trying to kill you. What were you thinking?'' Continued Joe, clearly unhappy.

''I...I don't know.'' Truthfully answered Barry, he just reacted without thinking. Matthew was about to die, so he just jumped into action the way he would've for everyone else standing in the room.

The answer clearly wasn't satisfying as Joe crossed his arms on his chest, hardening his expression. While Cisco and Caitlin both took a step forward to help their friend sit a little straighter in the bed, neither of them looked particularly happy about Barry's earlier actions. The CSI knew at that moment he wasn't going to have any help from them in the confrontation coming up with his foster father. To be honest, it wasn't exactly fun to watch Barry being under verbal attack and struggling after he just took a bullet, but they all needed, deserved, the truth. Barry felt his guts twisting inside, he was about to get cornered, he could feel it.

''What's the deal between you and Matthew? Why would you risk your life for him?''

''It's com-'' The CSI started his sentence before Joe's words fully registered in his brain. But, when they did, he froze with his mouth half-open.

Joe didn't call the Meta by his Cisco-given name, he didn't say The Suppressor, he said Matthew. How did he...? More importantly, just how much did Joe and everyone else knew?

''How did you...how...what else do you know?'' He asked, working on keeping his voice as strong and steady as possible.

''What really matter is how much you've been keeping from us. Last chance to tell us the truth, the whole truth. Who's Matthew? What happened between you?''

There was no way out of this; Barry knew his foster dad well enough to know when he was in full detective mode and when his lips were sealed about the information he already possessed. Without knowing the full extent of Joe's knowledge, Barry knew too well how he couldn't get away with a half-truth. After a long silence, the young man closed his eyes in defeat.

''Fine, I will tell you. '' If he wasn't looking down in order to avoid eye contact, he would've seen everyone gathering closer, making sure not to miss a single word. ''When I was Hyde's prisoner, before he turned me into the Ghost, Matthew was there the entire time. He's my friend.'' Said Barry, like this was somehow explaining everything.

Obviously, it wasn't helping to do much as he only confused a bit more everyone around.

''But, Barry, Matthew is the one who tried to murder you, dad saved your life.'' Replied Iris, frowning.

Barry sighed; his family definitely needed more to catch up. More than that, they deserved to know more, to know everything. Maybe he should've said something the second he learned Matthew was back in town and was searching for him. Hell, he should've said something the moment he snapped out of the spell, months ago.

''When Hyde planned my kidnapping, he knew he needed a way to control me and a way to insure I wasn't going to escape or use my powers on him. That's why he went after Matthew. I have no idea how he found out about Matt's abilities to neutralize other Meta's powers, but he did. Hyde took him and put Matt in a cell next to me.'' Explained Barry.

''It makes sense.'' Said Caitlin, nodding. ''But, can't he control who he neutralizes and who he doesn't? If he was another prisoner, why not just let you escape and run away with him?''

''Because, Hyde threatened his family if he didn't stop me from escaping. ''

Oh, that would do the trick. Even Joe's features finally softened. Knowing Barry, he knew his son probably felt just as affected and responsible for the man's family than Matt himself.

''What happened between you two? Why is Matthew trying to kill you now? Why did you just take a bullet for him?'' Asked Cisco.

''Why haven't you said a thing about him before?'' Said Iris.

''Look...'' Barry paused, deeply lost in his thoughts. ''I owed Matthew my life. I owed him everything.'' He said, not completely answering the questions directed at him.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

_5 ½ months ago:_

The night had been restless for Matthew, as his mind was filled with nightmares of their captor feeding on his friend again and again 'til death. Something that was eventually going to turn into reality if they didn't find a way out. They've been prisoners for little less than 2 months now and Matthew could see how much harder these sessions were getting on Barry. Not to mention how much longer it was taking for the young man to recuperate every time.

Maybe it was just his exhausted mind playing tricks on him, but Matthew could've sworn their captor's visits were getting more and more frequent. At first, the man would come once every 2 weeks to feed on Barry before disappearing until the next session. This time, he came back early, he came back 10 days after his last appearance. That was if Matt's numbers were right. Maybe he was getting a little too obsessed with trying to keep track of time, but what else was he supposed to do in his cell?

This time their captor didn't come to regain his youth; he came to check on the speedster and to make sure his prey was ready to go another round. Despite Barry's best efforts to keep it hidden, Matthew didn't miss the look of terror passing in his eyes when their fast-aging captor looked straight at the young man like a carnivore drooling over a piece of meat:

''We're almost ready, see you soon Flash.''

That's all he said before leaving, all he needed to say to cause the hero to instantly shiver. Retreating in the farthest spot of his prison, Barry sat in silence, away from everyone else.

''He won't hurt you.'' Tried to say Matthew, knowing how much of an empty promise it was and Barry knew it too. That's probably why he just kept his back turned on his friend, shaking and sobbing.

One thing for sure; it wasn't getting any easier to powerlessly watch Barry endure agony over and over again. It was anything but easy to watch the young man fall on the ground after each session before violently seizing in the sand. If only their captor could be nice enough to at least discard the speedster close enough to the other cell so that Matthew could reach him, comfort him or simply feel his pulse and make sure he was still alive. The only thing Matt could do after these moments was to sit there, get as close as possible to the other cell and wait it out, while holding his breath and praying for his friend, his brother, to keep on fighting.

When Matt woke up the next morning, he had no idea what extracted him from his sleep. Well, not at first. Blinking a few times, he felt a familiar tickling sensation in his fingers that was spreading in his whole body. A Metahuman was using his powers, a Metahuman very close to him. Barry! He was vibrating.

Rushing to his feet and turning around, he saw his friend sitting against the rock wall with a broken piece of pottery, a piece he probably buried in the sand when he broke the bowl before the rest of the pieces were taken away. The hero didn't even see his prison mate waking up, too deeply concentrated on his work of…what was he doing? It looked like he was sharpening it, turning it into a weapon? Was he trying to get out?

''Barry, I know you're upset, but we can't escape without a plan.'' Matt's blood was pumping fast and his blood pressure was rising at the thought of what could happen to his family if Barry was going to make a run for it. ''Think about what you're-''

The rest of the sentence got lost as the Meta suddenly realized what Barry was about to do. Yes, he was sharpening it. Yes, he was turning the piece of pottery into a weapon, but it wasn't with the intention to use it against his captor, it was to use it against himself.

''Kid, wait!'' He screamed, grabbing the bars and forcibly shaking them. ''Look at me!'' He shouted louder as his young friend pressed the sharp tip against his wrist.

When Flash complied, the other man saw the puffy red eyes of a broken man who had been crying for endless hours.

''M..at..So Sorry.'' He sobbed, struggling with every strenuous breath. All of his muscles were shaking in distinct and overwhelming distress. ''I ca…n't'' He bawled, breaking down even more with every word. ''Sorry. Can't take this anymore.'' As he was speaking, he pressed a bit more down, piercing the skin. Instantly, drips of blood appeared on his skin.

''Hey hey hey.'' Said Matthew, precipitating each one of his syllables and tightening his grip on the bars. ''I know you're in pain, but please listen to me. I'm begging you.''

''We'll,….never…escaped. Nobody will never find us.'' Said Barry with a river of tears cascading down as his panic attack was growing in intensity. It was making it harder to keep his weapon steady.

''You want to know about the first time I saw the Flash? Want to know about the time you saved my life? ''

Of all the things he could've said, Matt took a chance with that and it was a success, for the moment, as Barry stopped what he was doing and looked at his interlocutor straight in the eyes.

''One night while I was walking back to my car, after working late shifts all week long, I was too tired to see the car speeding toward me. I can clearly remember turning around in the middle of the street, frozen in shock and understanding, for one moment, I was about to die. The next one, I was suddenly on the side of the street, safe and sound, with no idea how I ended up there, until I saw a trail of yellow lighting leaving the scene. The Flash, you, saved my life that day. I never knew your name until now and you probably don't remember that day considering how many people you've been saving in the last years, but thanks to you I lived. I lived to learn days later that my wife was pregnant. ''

''I don't-'' Started Barry, shaking all over and momentarily putting back his attention toward his slightly bleeding wrist.

''Look, kid, all I want to say is that you saved me that day and I have faith you can do it again, no matter how dire the situation looks right now. I believe in you, kid, always will.''

No matter if his words were the right or wrong ones to say right now, you had to give them credits for getting Barry to actually listen to them with enough attention to unconsciously slow his breathing down.

''No, no…'' Protested Barry, violently shaking his head. Finally getting his breathing pattern back under control, he found back the ability to form full words and sentences: ''You don't understand the pain he's putting me through. I can't keep doing it, I can't. I won't.''

''No, you're right, I can't feel it.'' He admitted. ''But I can see it. I'm forced to watch every single time. I'm hearing your screams. I'm with you every step of the way, kid. We're in this together. ''

''What if I can't find a way out? What if we never get out?'' Barry didn't want to die, not really, but he didn't want to continue living like this.

''I'll be there for you 'til we find a way out, together. You made me a promise and we'll find a way to make you keep it. ''

''If I die, this man might let you go.'' Reasoned Barry, still sobbing. ''It's me he wants, I'm the reason he took you.''

''You really think that?'' Inquired Matt, keeping his composure. ''He'll never let me go, even if you're gone. Stop blaming yourself and let's move forward. ''

Of course Matt was right, why would their captor even consider letting his second prisoner go if he was to lose his most precious one? Yelling in frustration, Barry let go of his weapon, not even hearing the sigh of relief of his friend.

''Never met your heroes, right?'' He grumbled, turning his head away so Matt couldn't see his ongoing tears.

''Hey.'' Answered the older man as softly and sincerely as possible. ''Being afraid and losing faith doesn't make you less a hero, it makes you human. And the fact that you did everything you have as the Flash, while still being humans and having flaws, is what I find the most impressive.''

Wiping his tears away, Barry turned his head back toward his friend and made eye contact again, the corner of his lips twitching into a small, sad, smile. ''Thank you for not giving up on me, brother.''

''Don't give me a reason too.'' Replied Matthew. ''Not to mention I'm just being selfish, I can't get out of here if you're dead. '' He joked to lighten the mood, his attempt succeeding as the speedster chuckled.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

_Present time:_

''Matthew is, without a single hint of doubt in my mind, the reason why I'm alive. '' Said Barry, finishing his whole recap about how he first met the other man, how they became friends and how Matthew prevented him from committing the irreparable. All of this, especially the last part of his narration was received with an almost complete silence. None of the people around thought they would live the day where they'll see or hear about Barry, of all people, giving up on living.

''And I'm not just talking about stopping me from killing myself. '' He continued. ''If it hadn't been for Matthew repeatedly sacrificing part, or all, of his daily food ration, I might've starved to death. Not to mention how his presence helped me keep my sanity. He kept me going, kept encouraging me, kept me company and he never stopped believing in me. I owed him everything. I'm breathing, I came back to all of you, because of what he did.''

''Barr-'' Started Joe, softly, all anger dissipated now. What are you supposed to say when you learn your son tried to take his own life?

Everyone in the room felt the same, what do you say in this situation? Was Barry still feeling urges to hurt himself, even if he was out? Especially adding up now on his conscious everything he did as The Ghost.

''You don't understand how it was like in there.'' Added Barry, sensing the tension in the room. He needed them to understand, even if deep down, he knew they couldn't. Not really. Nobody could truly understand how he was feeling, nobody except for Matthew. ''Being in that place for so long and having your life energy being sucked out of you again, and again...and again, it does things to your mind. It's like all hope and light die at the same time. I just couldn't keep doing this anymore, I couldn't see a way out. ''

Iris just wanted to say that he did find a way out, but, really, did he? Barry never really escaped, he was let out of his cage once he was fully under Hyde's control.

''What happened after? '' Said Caitlin, breaking the silence. ''You still haven't said why Matthew turned on you. ''

''Twice now, I've heard The Suppressor, Matthew, saying you took everything from him. What did you do?'' Inquired Cisco, earning a side-glance from Iris. Really? Directly implying Barry was responsible?

''It wasn't like that. I didn't do anything to him. Well, not in the way he thinks.'' So many things to explain, and not enough words to do so. Where to start? ''Matthew is one of the kindest soul I've met, he would never hurt anyone, especially not me. Not in his right mind.''

''So you're saying that Hyde did to him- '' Said Iris, finally understanding.

''-the same thing he did to me? I'm sure he did.'' Completed Barry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a review and let me know what you guys thought
> 
> Do you think they'll be able to turn Matt back to normal and send him back to his family?


	11. Tic Tac Toe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Flash learns a bit more about what happened to Matt, and Barry during their time as prisoners. And, in the past, Matt keeps on being supportive

Exactly what they needed; another evil Meta under Hyde's spell with no feelings whatsoever, well no feelings other than hatred and the burning desire to destroy everything standing in his path.

''Oh great. I just couldn't wait to go another round. Last time was so much fun.'' Sarcastically said Cisco, looking up at the ceiling, discouraged.

''How long have you known?'' Asked Joe, seriously, yet softly, knowing he might've been a tad too harsh on his son moments ago. Secrets are never a good thing, but Barry had his reasons to keep these informations inside and being forced to relive and relate out loud these painful memories was probably the last thing he needed.

''Honestly? '' Asked Barry.

Well, yeah, honestly. That's all they've all been waiting for.

''I figured he was affected when we raided Hyde's lair and he attacked me, even if I had the smallest of doubt that maybe, just maybe Matt was just mad at me for leaving him behind. '' Continued Barry before anyone could say anything.

''Why didn't you say anything about him?'' Gently asked Caitlin.

''I'm sorry, I am. '' Answered Barry with pleading eyes, he didn't lie to hurt any of them. ''But, I thought Matt was in my past, a past I thought was dead and buried the second Hyde decomposed into nothing. I supposed that the spell wore off the second Hyde was gone. I truly believed Matt was safe and sound and back home. ''

That sounded about right, everyone in the room probably would've came to the same conclusion.

''Apparently the spell doesn't disappear once the spell caster is dead.'' Commented Wally, interrupting Barry in his explanation and playing the Captain Obvious. That part was pretty clear now. ''Good to know.''

''When you were so desperate to go out there and take your revenge on Hyde, was it all about taking him down or you were trying to rescue Matt too?'' Inquired Iris, wondering when all the lies started.

''Last time I saw Matthew when we were prisoners, it was when Hyde had feed on me right before I was loaded on a container bound for Europe. Once I was turned into The Ghost I didn't give Matthew another thought and, after I came back to my senses, thanks to you guys, I figured he was long dead. I was convinced Matt had been discarded the second Hyde stopped needing him in order to keep me on a leash. After all, Hyde only kidnapped Matt because of me, because he needed to neutralize my power. I had no idea they turned him too, not until we attacked the lair. ''

Cisco's eyebrows furrowed in confusion: ''And during all these months when you were The Ghost, you never saw him? You didn't see or talk to him? Work with him? ''

Barry shrugged nonchalantly.

''Honestly, it's possible we crossed path once or twice, but it's not like we were really hanging out or chatting with... Well, with anyone really. All that mattered was the mission. All that mattered was helping Hyde find the Fountain. I would just take the orders, carry them out, come back and wait for the next instructions. I used to just sit in silence in a cell, waiting for the next mission or the next time Hyde would need, hum…feeding. There was no looking or talking at anyone if you weren't needed. ''

''When you came back to Central City, why didn't you just ask for our help? We took you back from that edge, we would've been able to assist you.'' Pointed out Wally.

''Look…'' How was he supposed to say this? When everything unfolded, it made sense in Barry's head. It really did at the time…Now, looking back, it didn't sound too logical. ''When, I heard about someone with his powers in Central City looking for The Flash. I knew it had to be Matt, but I wasn't 100% sure the spell was still affecting me. I had my confirmation when Cisco and I first confronted him in his hideout. I didn't ask for help because I really thought I could find him and make him see reason on my own. I thought that we shared enough time together, Matthew and I, for me to break his wall.''

That was a weak explanation and even Barry knew it. There was no denying the strong relation between the two men, but even the bond between Flash and his team and family wasn't strong enough to bring Barry back from that spell without a little magical magic.

''What about his scars?'' Asked Cisco, changing the subject. There was no need to let Barry embarrass himself by letting him tangle in excuses. ''He didn't have any before getting captured.''

Barry's face instantly hardened, a flicker of darkness passing in his eyes as his jaw tensed up and his muscles shivered under his skin.

''He got them while being transformed. He probably has acid burns all over his body, not just on his face. His others scars are mostly from knife carving; sometimes to draw symbols and sometimes just for the fun of it. '' He answered, clenching his fists. ''Matt is just unlucky that his scars didn't disappear.''

A collective gasp filled the room. It was one thing to hear Constantine implying there was a lot of  _pain_  and  _suffering_  involved in the process that transformed their sweet, dorky CSI into a mindless, cold-hearted monster. Everyone knew what it meant; torture, but it was a whole other thing to hear Barry talking about it. It was the first time the hero ever said a single word about what happened to him and it was just making everything so real, so vivid.

''Oh Barry.'' Whispered Iris, raising her hand closer to her mouth.

''I'm sorry.'' Uncomfortably said Cisco. The last thing he wanted to do with his question was to send Barry back in a terrifying flashback. Now that Barry was back to normal, it was easy to forget about everything that happened to him, especially considering how none-sharing the CSI was, bubbling all his feelings inside most of the time. ''I didn't mean to-''

''It's ok. It's ok.'' Assured Barry, taking a shaking breath and letting go of the stress building up in his organism.

''We don't have to talk about that time, not right now.'' Assured Iris, delicately putting down her hand on his uninjured arm.

''It might be a stupid question. '' Said Joe, trying to make sure he understood all of it. ''If the only thing that matter for someone affected is to make the spell caster's bidding, how is killing you going to achieve a dead man's goal?''

''Without Hyde, his life is meaningless. All he has left is revenge. Thanks to Iris' article, he's aware that the Flash took down Hyde, plus he saw The Ghost not helping the day of the raid. More than that, considering how Hyde led me into a trap with Matt waiting to neutralize me, it's even possible he's been told that the Ghost betrayed them. That's why he's so angry at both The Ghost and The Flash. '' Finished Barry, coming completely clean with everyone.

''Am I off the hook now?'' He added with half a smile, moments later, coughing a few times and only realizing now how dry his throat was. Probably because of all the talking.

The whole gang looked at each other, waiting to see who was going to throw the next question. There wasn't much more left to ask. Well, except one last, little, detail.

''Almost.'' Said Caitlin, moving away and back to bring him a cup of water and handing it to his injured limb.

''Why did you really come back?'' Asked Cisco, saying out loud the last important question everyone wanted the answer to while Barry was taking a long sip. ''Was it really because you were missing us…or it was because of Matthew?''

The temptation to lie on that one, or not tell the whole truth, was high. Everyone in the room deserved the truth, but they also deserved to have some good news. Weighing his options, Barry sighed again before answering, truthfully.

''I was in Europe when I heard about The Suppressor searching for The Flash and I just knew it had to be him. I came back because I needed to clean up my messes, because he was, is, my responsibility. ''

The disappointment was instant and unanimous in the room. Of course the hero wasn't back for them.

''But-'' Added Barry in a hurry to clarify his intentions. ''I do missed all of you. I was planning to come back after Matt was found and back with his family, I just needed to take care of that first. I needed to redeem myself by making him better. ''

''It's gonna be ok, Barr. We'll help you.'' Said Joe, gently laying his hand on his son's unbroken shoulder.

''You and Matt will be fine. You're not alone in this. Neither of you are, not anymore.'' Added Caitlin, smiling. Now that Barry finally gave in and shared with the group, they needed to repay the favor and let him know he wasn't on his own in a dark cell. They needed to let the speedster know he could trust them all again.

It wasn't until this instant that Barry suddenly realized something important; the last events he remembered was Joe trying to kill his friend and feeling the bullet penetrating his flesh. Barry had a feeling the team wasn't holding Matt captive in the pipeline or they would've went and get some answers themselves, so where was he?

''What happened?'' He asked, jumping at the first chance he had since waking up to send a question of his own. ''What happened to Matthew after you tried shooting him?''

''I sent him flying into the water.'' Admitted Cisco, uncomfortably shifting his weight from one foot to another. ''And with you hurt, we didn't check on him. ''

''The captain sent divers in the river today, there's no sign of him.'' Informed Joe, trying to reassure his son that Matt was probably still alive and kicking. ''If he got out of the water fast enough, he might very well still be out there. ''

''We have to find him before the cops do and before he hurt someone else. ''

''I'm all for that, but we need a plan first. '' Said Joe. ''Our first two confrontations didn't go too well.''

''And from now on, we're taking care of this as a team. No more lies. Deal?'' Added Cisco, dead serious.

''Deal.'' Agreed Barry without hesitation, nodding without noticing he was doing the motion. Maybe Matthew would already be back to normal, months ago, if Barry hadn't try to deal with this all on his own. He should've known better, he had been in Matt's situation and remembered how much it took to get him out of that state.

''First, you rest. Second, we make a plan of attack, a bombproof one this time. And, third, we call Constantine.'' Said Cisco.

Sound like a plan. So, first step would be to plan the plan. Like people say, third time's the charm and they already fought Matt twice. Trying to move around on the bed and putting unwanted strain on his injured shoulder, Barry groaned in pain. A quick and effective reminder to Caitlin that they all jumped on the attack the second Barry was awake without checking her patient's health first.

''Now, can I have a moment with my patient?'' Inquired Caitlin.

The group members looked at each other, silently agreeing that they had enough beating up on Barry for the day. It went well. To be honest, they all expected more of a fight from him or more attempts to conceal the truth. Everyone, except Caitlin, walked out of the room.

''Are you ok?'' Asked Joe to his daughter who didn't look completely satisfied with the chat they just had with Barry. ''I'm disappointed too that he didn't come back because of us, but at least now we know what's going on with him.''

''I guess so…'' She said sadly, exhaling. ''I just wish he trusted us, trusted me, enough to say all of this on his own. I'm disappointed it took a group intervention like that one to make him spill the beans. ''

Wrapping his strong arm around his daughter's shoulders, Joe sighed. ''I understand why you feel like that, baby girl, but I think we need to see it from his point of view too. We need to understand how Barry had been alone, for months. It's not easy to learn to share and trust again after something like that.''

''No, it's not true. He wasn't alone.'' Said Cisco, pensive, intruding in the conversation he overheard. ''He had Matthew.''

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

_5 months ago:_

It's been 10 days since Barry's suicide attempt and 9 since their captor came back, looking for another taste of his prisoner. Even a full week later, Barry's screech of agony was still resonating in Matt's head. At the moment, it took all of his will to not just turn his back and block all the sound from entering his ears. He stayed strong because he wanted, needed to be there for his friend, no matter what. Despite his strong desire to just do something, Matt was powerless as Barry grew weaker and weaker by the day. He wasn't going to hang in there much longer.

''Morning kid. '' He said when Barry started waking up and pushing himself against the rock wall. ''Come here. ''

''What are you…'' Weakly started Barry, still complying and crawling toward his friend, only to observe that Matt was drawing 3 vertical and parallel lines in the sand and 3 horizontal ones that were cross passing with the others. ''Really? '' He rasped. ''Tic Tac Toe again?''

''We haven't played it in like….3 days.'' Protested Matt.

Barry scoffed. Exactly, only three days. That was without mentioning their hangman games from yesterday.

''Not to mention I need revenge from last time.''

 _'Last time you let me win.'_  Thought Barry, rolling his eyes, but still closing to the bars.

Sitting in the sand, he watched as Matthew drew a lightning bolt in the sand in the middle of the board, using this symbol instead of the traditional X.

''There you go, you can have the middle. My turn.'' He said, drawing a circle in the right and top case.

Barry was never going to admit it, but these games were deeply appreciated and a great distraction from their desperate and hopeless situation. Better doing that than sitting in the sand waiting to die.

''Can I confess something? '' Asked Matt out of the blue after their 5th game.

''Sure.'' Answered Barry, hesitant. Whatever it was, it sounded serious.

''You know that story I told you when you were-'' Started Matt, carefully choosing each one of his words. Barry nodded. ''I lied, I'm sorry.''

Barry frowned, his brain instantly going wild with the worst possible scenarios as he felt his anxiety rising. What was a lie? Everything? The speedster forced himself to take a breath and calm down, he had no reason to doubt his friend's intentions; all of these scenarios were just coming from an overly exhausted mind and body. These last couple of months made him paranoid. After all, Matthew did start by saying his lie was about the story he narrated, nothing more.

''About what?'' He finally found the strength to ask with his dry mouth.

''The story I told you, I made it up, completely.'' Admitted Matthew, loudly exhaling. ''The Flash never saved me.''

''Why would you do that?'' Asked Barry, frowning.

Matt chuckled. Really? ''Maybe because I was trying to save your life. You never came rushing and flashing in your red suit to take me away from an imminent death. But, everything else I said was the truth. I do admire everything you were able to accomplish and there are hundred, thousands maybe, of people who have real stories about you rescuing them.''

Of course, Matthew never gave his friend any reason to doubt him, why did Barry's mind went wild for a moment there? This place and the process of getting feed upon were doing things to his mind.

''Thanks.'' Gratefully said Barry as he forced a smile on his cracked lips. ''I don't think I deserve all that faith, thought. Not to mention, I don't think I'll hang in there for much longer.'' He could feel it in his bones; his body was breaking down and was slowly giving in to the starvation, the exhaustion and the process of getting his life taking away times and times again.

''I know.'' Said Matthew, seriously, with brutal honesty. There was no point in denying what was happening and sending false hope in Barry's way. He knew they had to make a move and soon. ''You should rest, and tomorrow we 'll work on a plan. We'll work harder than we ever did.''

Always the optimist. Maybe it was just for his younger friend's sake, but even if it was, Barry was grateful for it. Who knows for how long he would've kept his sanity if it wasn't for that? If it wasn't for Matt.

''We will.'' He said. They were getting out, soon, he needed to believe that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying with me this far :) Comments are always deeply appreciated.
> 
> Get your feelings ready because things are about to heat up both in the past and the present


	12. Brothers in arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Flash needs on a work to stop Matt's rampage while things get ugly in the past

_Present time:_

''As much as I admire your efforts, I don't think it's the way that will ensure us victory.'' Argued Barry, comfortably sitting on the couch at Joe's house while taking part in the improvised meeting in the living room.

It had been 4 days now since the events at the shipyard when the Ghost, Barry, literally took a bullet to save his friend's life. During these last days, thanks once again to his accelerated healing, his wounds had since improved at an incredible pace, even if his shoulder still wasn't back at 100%. Fully understanding how he could've lost the full use of his shoulder forever, Barry was grateful of the progress and was taking it easy while his body was still healing. The cast had been taking off in the morning, only leaving the speedster with a tight bandage around his shoulder and a temporary arm splint made of tissue. To be honest, he was only using splint when his arm was getting tired, to please Caitlin. He was eager to go back in the field as soon as possible.

Since that last attack, there had been no sign of the Suppressor and while no body had been found in the river, his lack of activity was worrying Barry. It was worrying him a lot, even if he wasn't going to admit it. He didn't need to; his eyes were saying it all. He really needed his friends to be ok. To be honest, Barry couldn't even fully understand why he cared so much, he just did. It was like his broken mind was still desperately hanging on Matt to stay grounded, months after getting out.

Barry wasn't emotionally opening up, like always, and he wasn't very chatty just yet about everything that happened, but at least he was now honest with the rest of the team. That was new and refreshing, making everyone feel like they were friends again. They were a team during these moments when Barry's mind wasn't drifting off somewhere in his dark past.

''You already tried, Caitlin.'' Added Barry. ''You can't concoct a serum to neutralize his powers without his blood and if we can get close enough to get a sample, might as well knock him out and capture him on sight. Plus, if we want to fire the Boot, we need to do it from far enough so Matt won't spot us.''

Because yeah, Matt was alive and he was going to show up again. Sooner rather than later. Barry knew it. Saving Matthew was his priority and now, it was a goal shared by everyone. Every member of Team Flash now understood how saving that man was probably the one thing they needed to insure the healing of the speedster's broken mind and spirit. They've all been working as hard as possible on a plan to catch the other man as soon as possible, without wasting time telling Barry his friend could be at the bottom of the river. The fact that Matt hadn't been seen since the shipyard attack either meant he was hurt and regrouping or he was already dead.

Today, the team decided to try and take a way overdue break from all of their efforts and spend a nice evening at the West's house. Except, like it always seem to turn out with their team, the break was short-lived and the conversation quickly shifted into a problem solving debate.

''Look, we know that his powers don't have a specific area of effect; he needs to concentrate on his target in order to neutralize their powers.'' Intervened Cisco, looking straight at Barry. ''While he had a grab on you, I was able to use my powers against him on the docks. He need concentration. ''

''We could use this against him.'' Agreed Joe. '''Maybe if-'' The detective stopped at the sudden ringing of his phone. Who was it at that hour? ''Detective West. '' He answered, picking up his phone. ''What? Captain?...Slow down. What's happening?''

Everyone tensed up hearing the emergency in Joe's voice, anxiously waiting to understand what was happening.

''What do you….where is he now?...No, no, don't send anyone. We'll handle it.''

Handle, what?

''Yeah, I'm sure.'' Continued Joe, rubbing his beard with all his senses on high alert, just like everyone else in the room. ''Stay put, I'll keep you updated.''

Finally, Iris' dad ended the call and turned to the group, toward Barry more specifically. ''Matt attacked the precinct; he wanted your address, Barry. He's coming here and he's asking for blood.''

Barry could feel his heart picking up the pace, overwhelmed with more mixed emotions that he could count. The Suppressor, Matt, just attacked CCPD? So, he  _was_ alive, alive and kicking. The weight of the doubt pressing down his chest finally lifted off. But, it also meant that now, Matt knew where Barry lived. Their plan wasn't ready, but they couldn't let him walk away once more and give him the chance to hurt more people. Were they even injured at the police station?

''Maybe we should leave, now.'' Suggested Wally.

''Are you crazy? We need to end this, now.'' Protested Barry, getting up and taking his arm off the sling.

''Hum, no no. Not going to patch you up 3 times in the same week.'' Said Caitlin, agreeing with Wally. They weren't ready to confront that man again. ''Let's stay alive to fight another day, when we'll have a working plan.''

''I do have a plan.'' Protested Barry once more. ''I'll need your help, Cisco. Please tell me you have your suit in the car.''

''Do you mind going back and forth at the lab?'' Said Cisco, shrugging. ''What's the plan?''

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

''Hey! You want me? Come and get me!'' Screamed Barry in the streets as soon as the Suppressor was in view, closing on the West's house with the young hero being the only thing standing in his way.

Time for talking was over; everything that needed to be said had been expressed already, or at least it was from Matt's point of view. Growling like a wild animal, he took a step forward and squinted his eyes, concentrating on his prey.

''Argg.'' Groaned Barry, pressing his hands on both sides of his head. ''N….No…'' He tried to say, barely above a whisper.

His fellow hero probably didn't hear it, but the timing was still perfect. Barely after pronouncing the last syllable, a portal appeared out of nowhere and blocked the view the Suppressor had on the speedster.

''What the-'' Muttered Matt.

''HEY! Over here!'' Screamed Cisco, in full Vibe-attire, standing behind his adversary's back. The older Meta swiftly turned around, just in time to see the young engineer jumping into another breach and disappearing into thin air.

Grumbling in obvious annoyance and clamping his jaw, Matt turned around another time to check on his first victim. It was only to realize that Barry wasn't there anymore, where was he?

''Come out, coward!'' He shouted, seconds before a blue portal popped out of the darkness and a yellow lightning ran out of it.

The Metahuman's face was growing red with anger, what game were they playing against him? Enough was enough, how was he supposed to get his revenge and kill his prey with that annoying Vibe bug playing with him? Giving up on following the yellow lightning whooshing around, a form that was getting closer before moving away again, Matt put back all of his attention on finding where the next portal was going to appear.

Now!

He might be tall and muscled heavy, but he was surprisingly fast with quick and precise eye coordination. After seeing the tactic couple of times, he could already tell the first sign of a breach appearing and someone coming through.

The instant Cisco's feet came off the rip in the world's fabric , the engineer felt something was wrong. Oh crap, say hello to the first sign of trouble in their plan. The migraine hit him hard before he could even touch the ground, sending him off balance and falling directly on the concrete.

''No you don't!'' Said Barry, rushing in to his friend's rescue. Playtime was over as they pretty much confirmed their trick wasn't going to tire up the other man and the distracting part wasn't working anymore.

Gathering as much speed as possible in the couple of strides separating him from his adversary, Barry charged with all his strength against Matt. On contact, he sent him flying and crashing on the pavement.

''It's over, Matt.'' He said, coming to an abrupt stop next to his friend. ''Give up.''

Oh no, it wasn't over. Not yet. Pushing himself up on all fours with shaky arms, The Suppressors looked up with hatred in his eyes. Rather die than give up. The next instant, Barry clenched his fists to fight a wave of mental pain, closing his eyes in total confidence that Cisco had his back. For months, all he did was to rely on Matt, but now he needed to trust Cisco again. Barry didn't even open his eyes when he felt a shock wave brushing past him and heard Matt moving many more feet away before crashing with a resonating sound. Cracking his eyes open, his glance immediately landed on the unconscious Matthew Carter laying still at the foot of a tree and on Cisco slowly advancing toward the unconscious man. They did it, they finally managed to capture him.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

It didn't take too long for the team to bring Matthew back to S.T.A.R Labs to examine the man and to secure him in the pipeline. Just as Barry guessed, there were acid burns on half of his face and on various part of his body while all sorts of magical symbols had been carved all over. Some of the scars were badly healed and pretty ugly. For every cut Caitlin looked at, she couldn't stop herself from picturing them on Barry's body and the images in her head had her shivering. So much suffering that stayed in the dark thanks to a mix of Barry's stubbornness and his healing powers. But, really, who could blame the young hero for being so quiet about it? What he lived was beyond words, there was no way to explain in sentences what he, and Matt, endured. It was something only people who actually lived it could understand. No wonder saving his friend was so important to Barry.

As soon as the bump on Matt's head had been treated by the doctor, with the dislocated shoulder he probably got during that fight with Vibe and Flash on the dock, Caitlin locked him up with Joe's help. It had been a couple of hours since bringing the Suppressor in the pipeline and Barry had since spent every single minute sitting in the room with his friend, sitting all alone on the ground with his knees pressed on his chest and his arms around his legs. The Metahuman woke up almost 45 minutes ago and since then, all Barry had been doing was talking and talking and even more talking, discussing everything and nothing with the man while trying, in vain, to get him to respond in any way. Sadly, the only answers he got were silence, looks of complete hate and chuckles of disdain. A perfect reenactment of that time when Barry was the prisoner and when his friends and family were the ones trying to talk sense into him as they waited for the poison to start doing effect.

In a unanimous decision, they decided to wait for Constantine to come back and try his spell before reaching out to Matt's family. Hopefully, they wouldn't have to hear or see their close one in that state of mind, they didn't need to go through this like Team Flash did.

''You know, Matt.'' Said Barry, never stopping in his monologue. ''I made some researches on your family today with Joe. Apparently, after you went missing, your wife Amanda took up your position in the company despite her pregnancy to ensure your spot would still be there when you'll come back. '' He said, smiling. ''Not to mention that Joe found reports of her calling the police station and even her going there every once in a while to stay informed on what was happening with your disappearance. She's still doing now. ''

During the whole thing, the prisoner stayed seated in the back of his cell, rolling eyes and snorting with disdain. Matt was barely wasting any time to look at the one person who just wouldn't stop talking nonsense.

''You're wasting your time, I never cared about any of them. Never cared about you. ''

There was enough conviction and aversion in every word to make Barry's heart tightening in pain until he forced his mind to think about the time when he was in that position. He remembered saying way worse things to every person he cared. And, in these moments, he truly believed what he was saying, not even realizing he was corrupted.

''It doesn't matter what you say, Matt, I know who you are.''

Matt chuckled. ''You're so gullible, all I ever cared about was getting out. It didn't matter to me if you were to come out alive or not.''

Barry gently shook his head, he was never going to believe these hateful words.

''Your wife hasn't given up on you. I won't either. Amanda sounds like the strong woman you kept on telling me about.''

Matt snorted again, but opted for looking away instead of responding. None of the two men were going to listen to the other one, but it didn't stop Barry from continuing.

''You remember when you told me how proud you were of your oldest son, Mark, and his baseball team? I checked on the website of his Minor Baseball League and apparently his team won the regional championship last summer. You can sure be proud of him. '' Added Barry with a bittersweet smile, already imagining how it would be like to have the whole family reunited and yet fearing the reintroduction process after all the horror the man had seen and endured.

''Look-'' He continued after a short pause, quickly realizing he wasn't going to get any answer.

''I know that right now you don't even realize that you're not yourself, but after the ritual will be over, the hardest part will still be ahead. I wanna you to know that I'll be there for you, every step of the day. I will make you feel better and you'll be there for me. I wasn't able to keep my promise back then, but this one, I swear, I'll make it happen. ''

It was clear to all the observers standing in the cortex that the speedster had completely forgotten about the cameras and the microphones in the room.

''They're really close.'' Observed Iris.

''They went to war together.'' Commented Joe. ''They both lived and felt horrors we can only imagine. No wonder there's a special connection between them.''

''Tomorrow, Constantine will be there and we'll fix everything, for both of them.''

Yes, tomorrow. Tomorrow was another day it was going to be a good one.

Everyone turned their attention back to the monitors, not realizing at first what had them suddenly do this same action at the same time. It took a moment to understand the reason was the silence; for the first time in almost an hour, Barry stopped talking and wasn't saying a single word anymore. Instead of sharing experiences, his mind took Barry back in time, many months ago.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

_5 months earlier:_

A brutal and primitive scream woke Barry up, instantly sending him on high alert and ready for a fight despite his exhausted and weak condition. Prompting himself up on his elbows, he looked around him, analyzing what was happening in an instant. Realizing what was unfolding in front of his eyes, he froze in dread.

''NO! STOP!''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. Leave a comment.
> 
> Do you guys think Matt will come back to normal and help Barry's healing process?


	13. Stay with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team gives a try at saving Matt from his mindless puppet state

_5 months earlier:_

Right in front of Barry's eyes was unfolding the last thing the speedster ever wanted to see. His captor, whatever his name was, was in Matt's cell and was tightly holding the Metahuman in his grip with one hand while the other one was pressing his glowing necklace on the older prisoner's chest. Upon hearing Barry's distress scream, he slowly turned around and unexpectedly, took his pendant off Matt, leaving his prisoner puffing with his eyes closed tight in pain. It was taking all of the man's will just to stay on his knees without completely falling on his side.

''There there, I wasn't sure you would ever wake up again. '' The old man smiled in the creepiest way.

''Let him go, take me! Take me instead!'' Desperately screamed Barry as much as it was possible with his sore and dry throat, crawling to the bars separating his from Matt's cell.

''You won't survive, dear boy. You can't even stand on your feet, you don't have enough strength left in you to subsist me.'' Calmly said the captor, on the same tone he would use to explain the simplest thing to a 2 years old child.

''I. Can.'' Grunted Barry against the pain and exhaustion, decisively, as he grabbed the bars with his shaking arms and pushed himself on his feet, only gaining a giggle from his opponent.

''Nice try, boy. You can't.'' The other man approached once again his old and magical amulet to his new prey. Ready to take the remaining life force out of Matt, he forcibly grabbed the man with his skinny fingers.

''No, please, take me...no! Stop! Don't do it! Take me instead! '' Shouted Barry, his eyes watering. No, not Matt. Anything but watching his friend die. ''Kill me if you have to, take every last bit of energy you can from me. PLEASE! Not him'' Begged the young man with an energy he didn't remember having, all the hunger and weariness forgotten.

His determination had the desire effect as the captor let go of his grip on Matthew, harshly pushing him on the ground where the other Metahuman hit his head.

''Didn't think you still had the energy to defy me.'' He said gravely, walking out of the barely conscious man's prison and approaching the door of Barry's. ''Maybe you really can survive another session...and if you do, I'll have a mission for you.''

''Anything!'' Promised Barry, taking one quick look at his friend who was stirring on the ground. ''I'll do anything if you promise you'll let him live.'' He demanded, fire in his eyes, the fire of a hero, not even caring about the fact he had absolutely no leverage at this instant.

''I like your attitude.'' Said Hyde, entering the cell and extending his arm to the compliant CSI's throat who let himself fall on his knees with arms extended on both sides of his body. Accepting his fate, Barry closed his eyes. Today was supposed to be the day he and Matt were going to make their plan and get away, not the day they were going to lose one of them.

So, this was it. It was how everything was about to end after spending over 2 months together, after spending every single awoken moment together to keep hope, strength and sanity. With the broken promises floating in his mind, Barry barely felt the contact of the amulet against his chest. His whole body was numb, physically and emotionally. The last thing he heard was a voice, screaming for him.

''BARRY! BARRY! NOO! KID!''

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

That was the last time Barry had seen or heard from his friend, at least before the attack on Hyde's lair.

''I'm so sorry, I should've gone after you the day after Hyde died. I won't let you down a 3rd time in a row.'' Whispered Barry, not even loud enough for his friend to hear it.

Closing his eyes, he could picture the happy ending coming up, everything was almost over. Finally. These happy thoughts took over the speedster's mind as consciousness drifted away.

A gentle feminine voice entering Barry's mind was the first thing he was aware of, closely followed by a delicate hand slightly shaking his left shoulder.

''Barry? Wake up. ''

Opening his eyes, Barry saw Caitlin's soft features standing over him. Where was he? Oh that's right, he was still sitting on the ground of the pipeline room with his back resting against the wall. He was on the exact same spot where he fell asleep last night when he refused to leave his friend's side. The only difference being the pillow that somehow appeared behind his head while he was sleeping, just like that blanket that ended up on the rest of his body.

''What's hap..p'ning.'' He stuttered. Looking around, he also noticed how the panel separating his view from inside the cell had been shut close while he was out.

''Constantine is here. Come on, let's get upstairs for a moment.'' Announced Caitlin, offering him a hand to help Barry up, an offer he accepted in his sleepy state.

Both of them got out of the room, but not without a slight hesitation. As they turned around the corner, Barry couldn't stop himself from looking in the room one last time, even if there was nothing to see with the panel door closed. Just as Caitlin said, the man in the beige trench coat, the mysterious demonologist who performed the ritual on Barry a couple of months ago, was standing in the cortex when the scientists entered it.

''You look good, mates.'' He greeted Barry with his heavy English accent and his short brown hair still a mess. ''Heard you saw quite a lot of stuff since last time.''

''Hello, John.'' Answered Barry, with less than half the enthusiasm he just got addressed with, his heart clearly not in the mood for festivities. Not yet. ''Can you help my friend? ''

''I wouldn't be here if I wasn't willing to try, but we both know it's not only up to me. You all do.'' Pressed Constantine. Barry nodded, closing his eyes. Yeah, he knew that, he remembered it. ''Are his loved ones in there, just in case?'' Asked the demonologist.

''I'm here.'' Said Barry on the defensive.

''We haven't contacted the Carters yet.'' Informed Joe. ''We're hoping it won't be needed this time. If we can avoid involving them in all of this, we'll do it.''

''Alright, let's see what we have.'' Said Constantine, shrugging.

''I'll stay in the cortex to knock him down from here.'' Informed Caitlin as she watched Barry, Joe, Iris and Constantine moved out.

Just like she did when they knocked out all their Meta prisoners before transporting them out of the pipeline, she filled the cell with sleeping gas. Their prisoner rushed at the door of his cell, growling like a wild animal and banging against it with all his strength for many, many…many seconds.

''Damn he's fighting it hard.'' Whispered Caitlin to herself as she leaned closer to the comm system, ready to inform the team they needed to abort. Just as her delicate hand was about to make contact with the mic, she stopped as she saw the tall man finally giving up. Matt slumped against his cell's door and on the ground like a puppet who suddenly lost all of his strings. So far, so good. Sighing in relief, she finally activated the mic and spoke up:

''Green light to get in, but be quick, I don't know for how long he'll be under.''

''Noted, sweetheart.'' Said Constantine, moving in as Barry opened the panel and the door, shivering at the sight of his friend on the ground, unmoving. His mind sent him back to the last time he saw Matt in the prison, before he was taken away for his little trip in Europe.

 _'Calm down, Barry, he's just sleeping.'_  He told his brain, taking a deep breath.

Striding in the small space with speed and agility, the demonologist prepared himself for the ritual. Quickly, but silently, he drew all the chalk symbols and placed the candles all over. Every line, every action, were being taken meticulous and with scary precision, like the man was in some sort of trance. Getting out of it, John Constantine took the time to slowly get back up and glanced at the group, especially at Barry.

''You might not remember everything, but just be warned; it won't be pleasant for your friend.''

''Get it over it.'' Firmly answered Barry, keeping his eyes glued on the unmoving man on the ground.

''Alright, let's get this show on the road.'' Said Constantine, kneeling back next to the Meta and pressing two fingers on Matthew's forehead.

''I command Matthew Carter to awaken.'' He ordered, closing his eyes in deep concentration.

No matter how many times the audience was witnessing all of it, it wasn't getting any easier to see. At least it wasn't being performed on Barry anymore. But it still didn't mean it was fun to watch someone tensing up and groaning in obvious pain. The words switched to Latin and the unconscious man started twisting more and more violently on the ground, lifting his right arm and hand like he was trying to blindly grab the source of his pain. Staying unphased, Constantine sat on his heels and opened his eyes while pressing both of his hands on each side of Matt's head. For the next part, he needed to keep Matt's head as still as possible.

As if the demonologist hands were on fire, the simple contact instantly had Matthew screaming in agony. The next moment, the man's back arched, leaving only his feet and shoulders in contact with the ground.

''Be strong, I know you are. '' Whispered Barry as he clenched his fists

Both Constantine and Matthew's breathing pace increased simultaneously, sweat appearing on both of their forehead. When Matt's screams came to an abrupt stop and he fell completely still on the ground, Barry almost made one step forward to come and check if he was ok.

When John Constantine came out of his trance, his head suddenly rose and he took his usual deep breath of a drowning man reaching the surface. So far, everything happening was exactly like the last two times. Well, almost everything. Something was wrong, Joe's instincts were screaming at him to watch his back, John's reaction was somehow different. Indeed, instead of moving away, John took his own head in his hands, slightly shaking it.

''Are you ok?'' Inquired Joe, moving forward as Barry simultaneously made the same gesture. Barry's action only lasted one step, because he froze before making the second one, his eyes opening widely.

''My powers are….GET OUT OF THERE!'' He screamed at Constantine, rushing forward.

Too late, Matthew's eyes snapped open with a wicked smile as he looked up inside Constantine's trench coat, definitely seeing something that agreed with him. Reaching with his left arm, he grabbed and took out a short, but very sharp knife.

''JOHN, WACTH OUT!'' Warned Joe, sprinting with his foster son toward the cell, covering the last couple of feet like a hurricane, painfully aware that it might not be fast enough.

What happened next wasn't what everyone thought it would, but it wasn't anything they wished for. Instead of stabbing the British man, having every opportunity to do so, Matt instead turned the knife on himself.

''For Hyde!'' He shouted, just before plunging the weapon deep in his lower abdomen, all the way through. Screaming in agony, he took the weapon out of his flesh and fell back on his side.

''NO!'' Screamed Barry in anguish.

The second the Meta hit the ground, with blood gushing out of the wound, Matt's concentration completely disappeared and all the powers returned to his victim. In a fraction of a second, Barry was back at running, speeding away and disappearing from the pipeline. Reappearing in the medical bay with his friend, he laid him down on the closest bed.

So much blood, way too much of the precious red liquid was pouring out of the man's body at an alarming pace. Barry's hands were shaking almost as badly as his voice as he put his hands on the wound.

No no no no no, this wasn't happening. How could this be? It just couldn't.

''Hey hey hey, stay with me. You're ok. It's just a flesh wound.'' He stuttered, desperately pressing down in a vain effort to slow down the bleeding. No matter how hard he was trying, the blood kept on escaping between his fingers just as fast as strength was leaving his arms, the limbs turning to jelly as shock was starting to settle in.

Everything was supposed to be ok, to be over; they had Matt secured in the pipeline and Constantine had arrived. They were brothers, they were going to be fine and heal together.

''Stay with me, please stay with me, Matthew.'' He begged, repeating this sentence over and over again. Tears were forming in his eyes, obstructing his vision.

Every memory of the time they spent together, side by side, passed in front of his eyes. For over 2 months, Matthew had been there for him, took care of him and never gave up. During all these times, Matt never failed his younger friend. And, in what? One week? Barry had failed his friend, his brother.

''You can't leave me, I need you.'' Said Barry, on the edge of breaking down, needing to press down even harder just to keep his balance. Taking one more glance at Matt, his heart flinched when he noticed how his friend was fighting to stay conscious. ''I can't do this without you. I can't get better without you. Please, brother.'' Grossly sobbed Barry, fighting to keep his breathing under control.

He barely turned his head around as he heard precipitated footsteps getting closer and closer. Caitlin. It had to be. She was going to make everything ok.

''Please, save him, please.'' He struggled to articulate as fear, grief and guilt were forming a lump in his throat.

Silently preparing everything she was going to need, Caitlin took one quick look at the injury and suppressed the urge to make any comment. On the bed, Matt suddenly screamed out of pain, struggling to get away from the hands touching his wound.

''Hey hey, stay still, you're ok.'' As soon as Barry finished his sentence, his stomach dropped in dread as he noticed the blood appearing at the corners of Matt's mouth.

Weakly and slowly looking up at Barry, Matt's mouth opened and closed in a clear attempt to say something.

''Don't move. Don't talk. You'll be ok. Caitlin will take care of you.'' Hurriedly said Barry.

''Ba..r..ry…'' Whispered Matt, shaking all over in agony. Every word and every syllable he pronounced proved to be one of the arduous task he'd ever done, but he needed to get it out. ''Kid.''

Kid. That word. Could it be? The man's eyes that were looking at the young man leaning over him were clear from all hate. In fact, there were almost filled with regrets. Barry gasped in shock at the sight. It worked.

''It's me, Matt. It's me. '' He said, feeling his tears falling down on his friend's bloody chest. Was it tears of joy? Or grief? Probably both.

''S…Sor…ry.'' He whispered with shaking lips, opening his mouth again to add something, but stopping before another sound could come out of it as a coughing fit interrupted him.

''Don't strain yourself, you'll will be ok.'' Said Barry with his most gentle, caring voice.

''Kid…you…..k?'' Matt whispered again, fighting to stay conscious. ''So...s...'ry.''

Despite the circumstances, Barry couldn't stop himself to chuckle nervously. After all that happened, Matt was still worried about him.

''I'm fine, Matt and you'll be too.'' He answered, almost taking one of his hand off the wound to touch his friend's hand and reassure him. ''You just need to-''

''Get him out, I need space. '' Screamed Caitlin's voice from the other side of the room to a 3rd party who managed to sneak in the room without Barry realizing it. A third person who grabbed Barry's arm and forcefully took him out of the medical room, uncaring about the weak struggle the speedster was giving.

''Can't leave him. Not again.'' He protested, feeling his heart pumping hard in his chest and quickening the pace in sync with his growing panic.

''You need to let Caitlin works. If anyone can save him, it's her.'' Said the voice on his right, Cisco's voice.

''I can't lose him.'' Said Barry like a small child desperately needed for reassurance as he was about to go tumbling down.

''I know, come on.'' The shorter man managed to keep a grab on his friend's arm and to lead him all the way to the cortex's chair before pushing Barry down on the chair behind the computers. The instant the speedster ended up in a sitting position, he lost his emotional walls and lowered his head, putting his bloodied hands on his ears, needing to not hear the commotion in the other room.

Barry's hands, and whole body for that matter, were shaking like leaves. Maybe it was shock, maybe it was because he was exhausted…Either way, the next minutes were lost in a blur. He barely even felt the comforting hands on his shoulders or the none-stop walking from Iris who kept on covering back and forth the distance between Barry and the medical bay.

The next thing Barry noticed was the silence, the complete silence. Finally looking up, he witnessed Caitlin walking out of the medical room with her coat covered, stained, with blood. All of her features showed exhaustion and…was it disappointment? Sadness? Pity? No, no. No. NO.

''Barry.'' She said, softly, like she was calling a small and lost child. Every move she made, approaching the waiting speedster, was slow and careful.

Barry slowly got up on his feet, struggling to keep his balance.

''I…I…need to see him. Please. Is...is he awakes?'' He stuttered. There was no other alternative, he wasn't going to believe anything else.

''The knife wound was very deep, it hit his aorta artery.'' Carefully explained Caitlin. ''He bled out. I couldn't do anything.'' She added, biting her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment
> 
> Anyone want to start a group grieving session?


	14. One more day

The doctor reached out for Barry's shoulder who moved away, shaking like a leaf.

"I need to talk to him!" He ordered, his eyes wildly darting around while he was searching for a person who was going to give in to his request. He needed to talk to his friend, he needed to apologize for leaving him behind and for not looking for him for so long, even after being turned back to himself.

"Barry. Come with me. It's ok. You're ok." Said Caitlin, considerably slowing down her speech and exaggerating each and every one of her movements while showing her hands like she wanted to approach a caged and terrified animal. A heavily puffing animal on the edge of hyperventilating.

"No, it's not true," stuttered Barry, feeling his legs turning to jelly and barely supporting him as the doctor's words finally started to register. She couldn't do anything, he bled out. Now that it was sinking in, his mind was slowly going blank. He would've fallen to the ground if it wasn't for pairs of strong hands guiding him back to the chair.

Who lowered the temperature all the sudden? Why was it so cold? Why was he shaking? And why was he having so much trouble to control his breathing?

"Barry?"

"Barr? You with us?"

So many voices and all of them were becoming less and less clear by the second, He felt his consciousness threatening to leave, barely hearing Caitlin's worried voice screaming orders all around:

"He's going into shock, bring me…"

"Don't touch me.'' He said with renewed strength, pushing the hands away and suddenly rushing away, only leaving wind and yellow lighting in his trail.

''BARRY!'' They all screamed in unison.

"We have to find Barry, now!" Urgently said Caitlin, turning to Cisco. Barry wasn't wearing his suit when he left, but he probably still had his cellphone on him, which mean they could use that to track him down.

No need to ask twice as the engineer was already sprinting behind the computer, frantically pushing the keyboard's touches. Sharing the same thoughts with the doctor, fear visible in his deep brown eyes as he was desperately trying to track down his friend. What if he was trying to….no, he wouldn't. It took an extra moment, but Iris finally caught up with their shared idea.

"You don't think that he'll…" she said, shivering.

Days ago when they learned that Barry tried to commit suicide while he still was Hyde's prisoner, only to be talked out of it thanks to Matthew, the same person who kept him alive in every sense of the word for over two months. Also, the same man who just killed himself in front of the young hero' eyes. Barry came back to town to return the favor, to save his friend and to make things right for all the wrong he's made, but it wasn't meant to be. What now? Was Matthew's death the last straw to finally push him over the edge, literally? That specific thought was clearly haunting everyone's mind at that moment.

"Cisco!" Loudly said Joe as he finally understood the unsaid meaning too. They needed to find him, now!

"This pressure isn't helping," the engineer protested while doing his best to stay focused on the task. Where was Barry? Was it too late?

"Oh no," he breathed out, his fingers freezing in place over the keyboard as his eyes were widely opened with concern and dread.

"Where is he?" Caitlin inquired as Joe rushed behind the desk to see it for himself, his own anxiety rising to the top.

"He's at the canyon." He informed to the rest of the group, "the same one…"

"…he tried to jump when he was training for Zoom." Iris completed, frozen in fear.

"Go!" Caitlin urged, looking straight at Cisco and Iris with a grave expression on her face. "I'll take care of the body."

Nodding, Iris pushed herself back into action; the reporter rushing with Cisco who grabbed Vibe's gauntlets and goggles. The faster they could be on the scene, the better. Moments later, both Iris and Cisco popped out of a breach, right around the emplacement where they settled their camp during that training time last year. Iris shivered when they landed on the thin snow carpet, she totally forgot it was still January and left her jacket on the chair in the lab. To be fair, weather wasn't exactly anyone's priority currently as Cisco was wearing a thin hoodie. Except, he wasn't complaining, too busy scanning around for his best friend.

"Over there." Said Cisco, taking his goggles off and pointing right at the edge of the cliff, where Barry was sitting on the ground.

While the speedster was staring far away in front of him and didn't look like he was about to get up and jump, it still had Iris letting out a gasp at the sight.

"Let me handle it," she said to her engineer friend, needing some alone time with the speedster.

"You sure?" He asked as he rose his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I am," she assured, all cold forgotten under the rush of adrenaline floating in her veins.

Leaving Cisco behind, she carefully approached Barry, doing her best to be as discreet as possible. She was really trying not to disturb the young hero in his stance, at least not until she was at arm's length from him. Even then it really didn't matter since she could be touching him and Barry would still have time to get up and run off before she even knew what was happening.

"Hey," she said softly, extending her hands in front of her and slightly raising them in the air in good faith.

"Leave me," he whispered, his voice hoarse already from crying and possibly screaming.

"I'm really sorry about your friend," began Iris as gently as she possibly could, sitting on the ground near the cliff's edge beside the speedster and not humoring him with his request.

"He wasn't my friend." Barry answered instantly, still looking straight ahead with empty eyes, not even turning his head to look at Iris as he continued, "he was supposed to become it, but we never had this chance," he sobbed, "we never will."

 _'Oh Barry'_ , thought Iris, completely aware how there was not a single word in this language or probably not in any language either right now that could make Barry feels better. There wasn't anything she could do right now to ease his pain, except let Barry know he wasn't alone in all of this. He wasn't alone in the world, despite how he was feeling at this instant.

"All of those moments you two shared, they still count," she added softly, but none of these words made it to the speedster's ears.

"I barely even knew Matt," he bawled, "so why does it hurt so much?"

The answer was so simple and yet so difficult to grasp at the same time.

"Because he looked out for you when the rest of us couldn't and he believed in you Barr, even when you didn't have the strength to do it anymore."

Barry nodded sadly, his face full of tears and his breathing getting more laborious by the minute.

"He kept apologizing in the end, all he wanted to hear before dying was that I'd forgiven him. Why didn't I say that? He died thinking I hated him."

"He didn't," assured Iris, truly believing it even if what she thought didn't matter as long as Barry believed it, "you never tried to hurt him, you stood by his side, even all of last night. Matt knew that."

Even if it was truth, it wasn't going to dry the tears or make the pain go away, it wasn't going to bring the man back. So, Barry just kept on crying.

"I just miss him so much, I just want one more moment with him. I just want to go out there and tell his family I found him. I just want to see Matt one last time to tell him how grateful I am for everything. One moment, one minute, is it so much to ask?"

One moment - that's what everyone who ever lost someone wished they have, just one last opportunity to tell their feelings, to tell their loves one how badly they cared. But none of them realized how painful this wish would be and how it would only leave them wishing for one more moment and another and another, and another yet again. But now was not the right time to tell Barry that.

"I just want him back," he cried, sobbing mournfully.

"I know Bar, I am sorry." Iris hated not knowing what to do or what to say. Instead, she opted for the only thing she could think of right now; leaning against the man's shoulder and closing the distance between them.

"He was a better person than I was, I would've taken his place if I could."

Iris straightened and lifted her head off from Barry's shoulder, while keeping some physical contact with her arm in his back, reaching to the opposite's shoulder.

"I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it will be ok, it will get better and we'll help you. Every step of the way," she knew how cliché and empty her words probably sounded, but she had nothing else to offer and it was killing her. Typically, she was the one finding the right words to say to bring the hero out of the friend, what was happening with her comforting skills?

Clearly, Barry didn't believe it either as he let his head fall into his hands; he was never going to get better. He had no idea how to make things right for everything he did as The Ghost, and for what he did to Matthew. Slightly moving his hands out of the way of his eyes, he took one quick glance at the alluring void off the cliff, almost tempted for a split second. No, it wasn't going to fix things… or would it? Afraid his fear and broken heart was going to get the best of his logical mind, he put both his arms behind his back, hands on the ground, and suddenly dragged himself couple of feet away.

"Barry?" Iris asked nervously, not liking the fear she could see in his eyes and yet feeling relief for he was getting away from the edge on his own.

Looking back, she could see Cisco silently closing in on their position, wondering if she should let him should join the conversation. The reporter shook her head at the engineer and dragged herself backward too to go back to Barry's side. Moving in front of him, Iris wrapped both her arms around Barry and allowed the CSI's head to fall on her chest, letting him silently cry all the tears his body would let him. Both young people stayed in this position for the longest time as Barry started to fall asleep off from complete exhaustion, both mentally and physically. Just as he started to drift to sleep, Iris's ringtone made itself heard causing an instant curse to leave the reporter's lips. As fast as possible, she took the device out of her pockets, almost dropping it in the too swift movement. She answered it faster than Barry could, without looking the caller's name.

"Hello?" She whispered, looking down to make sure Barry was still asleep.

"What is going on?'' Caitlin's worried voice shouted through the phone, not bothering with a greeting, "we're worried sick over here."

Oh crap, she should've called the team right away or at least asked Cisco to do it.

"Sorry, you're right," she quietly apologized, "He's ok, physically at least," she assured.

"Oh thank god," Said the doctor, sighing in relief, "What's going on? And why are you whispering?'

"He's pretty distraught and broken, but he's not trying to harm himself. He's currently dead asleep leaning against me now," she explained as quietly as possible, "give us a moment and I'll bring him back to dad's place."

"Alright, take care of him," Caitlin finished, as if she needed to say it, before hanging up.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

Sitting all alone in his dark room, Barry looked down at his wrists as he was vividly reliving every detail of that day he almost took his own life in his cell many, many months ago, something Matt stopped him from doing. The man just couldn't help but feel like he wasn't supposed to be alive, he should be dead. Why did he had to live while his friend was dead?

What now? After everything he saw, everything he endured and everything he did, how could he ever even consider being a hero again? He was nothing. Hyde took everything from him and the cruel man's death had been too quick, too painless. Hyde deserved to suffer for everything he did.

Barry needed something to lash his hate and his anger at. He needed to be mad at someone for everything he went through and for all of his suffering. These weren't hero's thoughts, but maybe he wasn't a hero, not anymore and probably never again. The darkness that took control of his mind and the body didn't vanish with the ritual to turn him back like everyone thought, the urges to make someone pay for everything that happened to him was overwhelming. Maybe if he could go back in time and just make sure Hyde would pay in blood for what he did. Barry wished he could've gotten into his captor's lair way sooner and tortured him the way the man tortured his victims. No, time travel wasn't an option, Barry needed to find another way to move on, if such thing even existed.

His mind wanted to scream at Caitlin, what was she thinking? She saw how long it took for Matt to go down, she never should have let anyone go in the cell under these conditions. What about Constantine? What the hell was that? How could he possibly have thought that bringing a knife with him was a good idea?

*Knock knock*

Barry sighed. Again? Couldn't everyone just leave him alone to grieve? Alone to live? Maybe the best solution would be the run as far away as possible to live all alone and never hurt his loved one ever again.

"Barry? Can I come in?" Inquired Iris' worried voice when he didn't answer back.

"Sure," he replied, barely loud enough to be heard from the other side as he sighed. Yeah whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and a hug for poor Barry.
> 
> I can't promise there won't be feels in the next chapter, but you'll soon understand why I had to do it...RIP Matt :(


	15. Amanda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tries to make sense of what happened and search for ways to heal his broken spirit

"Hey." Iris greeted as she pushed the door open just enough for her thin form to pass with the filled plate she was carrying with her left hand, "Want some pizza? It's your favorite."

"I'm good." Barry answered back tiredly while barely looking up at her.

Unable to find something to say that she hadn't already try before, Iris sighed and silently approached the speedster. Walking around the bed, she closed in on the night stand so she could switch the pizza plate in her hand with the plate she brought to Barry's room this morning. Four bites on the sandwich, that was the only nourishment the speedster had today and it was two more than what disappeared from yesterday's dinner.

"Barry, it's been days, you need eat. And sleep. With your fast metabolism, we both know you need to eat more than that or you're going to start fainting."

"Then I'll be asleep and you'll be happy," he grumbled, unhappy about the intrusion in his dark and lonely room.

Iris sighed and renounced her idea of bringing back some senses into the grieving man's head. There wasn't much of anything she or anyone could say at the moment to make Barry feels better considering there was no bringing Matt back from the dead. Dragging her feet, she walked out of the room and moved back downstairs to join her brother and father who were all worriedly waiting for news. The disappointment was obvious in their face when they saw how fast it took for Iris to come back and how she came back with the barely eaten sandwich from earlier.

"We need to do something," pressed Wally from his seat on the couch, his legs crossed, "he's been in his room for almost three days now, he can't keep it up."

"You think we don't know that already?" Iris answered, slightly annoyed at the insinuation.

Of course, Wally was right; they needed to do something about Barry, but what? What haven't they tried before? Since Matt's death, the hero had been isolating himself in his room and was refusing to leave it while he was still mourning the loss of his friend and of the man he once considered his only chance at redemption. Getting a full sentence out of the grieving man was now an impossible task as the speedster kept on pushing everyone away. Barry really believed that Matt was his one true shot at healing his broken heart and mind. Now, that chance was gone and everything the team tried to cheer him up ended up in a disastrous fail. Currently, all the members of the West family were all trying to figure it out in the living room.

Since Matt's sudden death, the team had informed the man's family and returned his body so everyone he loved could mourn his death and his funeral had been scheduled in two days from now.

"Maybe Barry should go talk with people who knew Matt; it could help him deal with his grief," suggested Iris, passing her hand in her hair.

"It's a good idea, but I don't see how we can make him do it," sighed Joe who wasn't a big fan of what he was about to say next; it was harsh, but it was realistic, "he can barely look at us, how do you think he'll face Matt's wife and family?"

As the group was loudly debating between themselves, nobody noticed how, for the first time in days, Barry was now standing outside of his room and at the top of the staircase where he could listen to every word of the conversation. They were right on one thing; he just couldn't face Matthew's family, not as Barry Allen, but he didn't have to. There was one person who could make amends or at least attempt to. The signature whoosh sound and flying papers manifested itself in the living room just before the front door opened and closed instantly next to the members of the West family as they all turned around at the same time.

"What the…" Iris trailed off as her eyes opened widely.

"BARR!"

"Where did he go?" Wally asked. It's not what he meant when he said they needed to do something to get Barry out of his room. Having his brother run on them was the last thing he wanted, especially in his state of mind.

"I don't know, but we need to-" Joe started, only to be interrupted by his daughter's ringtone that suddenly filled the room.

The moment she saw who was calling, the reporter put her finger in front of her mouth to ask her family to quieten for a second.

"Cisco?" She asked, picking up, "What's going on?"

The engineer calling barely a second after Barry ran away couldn't be a coincidence. Whatever it was, not picking up to discuss the current situation wasn't an option.

"You guys know why the Flash suit is gone?"

The F…the Flash's suit? Did she mishear that? Cisco was probably mistaken; he probably wanted to say Barry's other suit, "you mean the Ghost's suit?" She questioned to clarify.

"No, I mean the Flash suit; the red thing hanging on the mannequin in the cortex. The suit that hasn't been used since Zoom's defeat. Ring a bell?" The engineer confirmed, sarcasm hidden in his concern.

Oh ok. Why, why now? Why was Barry running away with the suit he hadn't worn in over 7 months because he didn't think he could ever be a hero again?

"Thanks, Cisco. I'll keep you updated," she brushed him off, hanging up and turning toward her father and brother, "so, apparently Barry dust off his Flash suit and ran away with it."

Hopefully, he wasn't going to do anything too reckless…

* ****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

It was only as Barry was slowing down to walking speed before entering the house that he realized he didn't think about what he was going to say. That he was sorry? That everything was his fault? He needed to say it, but it wasn't exactly going to make things any better. Looking down at the red costume he was wearing, he felt disgusted with himself and he just couldn't help but feel the urge to just rip the fabric on his skin. After all, he long lost the right to look like a hero; heroes don't steal and kill people and they especially do not hurt their friends. Barry wasn't the Flash anymore, he was an impostor.

Taking a deep breath, he took off running again and phased right through the walls. Once he was inside the small red house, Barry found himself right in the modest yellow kitchen with a skinny woman sitting at the table placed the middle of the room. The sudden and unexpected entrance had the woman almost jumping out of her skin and turning around on her high heels fast enough for her long, black hair to whip the air.

"Amanda Carter," he stated as he came to a stop.

"Flash!" She exclaimed in surprise and relief when she finally recognized the figure standing in front of her. Breathing out, she put her right hand right over her heart and felt the organ racing under her palm, "you scared me."

Being of average height, she was a couple of inches shorter than the speedster and she could've looked beautiful if it weren't for her messed-up hair and puffy red eyes, clearly showing she was someone who had been crying endlessly for a long time. Her hoarse voice was also proof of that.

"I thought you were… Why are you here? Where have you been for the last couple of months?"

"I was captured," he admitted, not really caring if people were to think he wasn't able to protect his city anymore. After all, he wasn't sure he would ever be worth wearing that suit again after tonight's escapade. Now was only an exception since he couldn't really show his real face, nor could he enter people's home dressed as the Ghost, a criminal, "I've been taken by the same people who took your husband."

The mention of Matt had the poor woman suppressing another sob as she briefly closed her eyes. For Barry, witnessing the woman's pain felt like there was a knife piercing right through his own heart, "I should've saved him. I am truly sorry, Mrs. Carter."

As the woman was working on regaining control of her breathing and voice, Barry dared taking a glance behind her just for a moment and what he saw on the table took his breath away. Sure enough, there was a small form, who couldn't be over a couple of weeks old, that was sleeping in a baby basket while wearing cute pink pyjamas. Oh God, Matt's baby was born, a beautiful baby girl. She looked like a fragile flower, one who would never be able to count on her dad to protect her while growing up in this cruel and dangerous world.

"Why?" Amanda managed to ask between two difficult breaths, "why was my husband taken?"

 _'Because I ruined everything. I ruined all of your life.'_  Barry wanted to answer, barely holding it together himself.

"The man responsible needed some leverage against me," admitted Barry, deliberately vague in his answer, "your husband never would've been involved if it wasn't for me... I am truly sorry, Mrs. Carter," he said, uncomfortably looking away and once again taking a quick look at the sleeping baby with tears forming in his eyes. He destroyed that woman and her children's lives and there was no getting over that.

Breathing deeply, the woman in front of the hero was clearly fighting to stay upright and not break down.

"How?" she asked with trembling lips, "how did he really die?"

How do you explain to a widow, a widow who just had another baby, that the reason her husband died is because the hero of Central City just stood there and watched Matthew kill himself? Or because, for months, the Flash wandered all around the world like a lost soul instead of helping his friend.

"I tried to get him out... but our captor's hold on Matthew was too strong. When I was finally able to get him out, it was already too late. I'm... I am truly sorry," he repeated, feeling the need to apologise again and again and again until he'd earned the right to be forgiven. Vibrating to keep his voice hidden was getting harder by the second as he almost choked out his last words.

"I'm sure you tried, Flash. I can't blame you," replied Amanda as she put on a brave smile on her face while she was clearly fighting with everything she had to stay strong. Matt had been one hell of a lucky guy to find someone like that to share his way-too-short life with; she was every bit as strong as he described her.

"You should," he answered back flatly. It was his fault. Everything was.

A hand reaching for his arm almost made him jump away in surprise, "hey, whatever happened, whatever details you don't want to share with me, it doesn't matter because I forgive you."

Barry froze on the spot at her words. Coming in, he had no idea what he wanted or what really drew him here. What was he searching for when he made the decision to sprint over that house and see the widow of his deceased friend? When he left the West house, it was without a single clue as to why, until now. Now, he finally understood; he was seeking forgiveness for everything he did. Like he'd told Iris on the cliff a couple of days ago, he just wished he had the chance to know if Matt forgave him for everything, so his unconscious dragged him to the only place he could get that from, the closest person to Matthew, his wife.

"Thank you," he breathed out. The weight lighting off his shoulder was indescribable. Barry was feeling awful for the woman; she probably saw him as a source of strength who was there to help, but instead she ended up being the one taking care of the speedster.

"I have something for you," he added before taking off sprinting in the house and leaving a whirlwind of flying papers in his trail. When he came back to the exact spot where he started, it was with a piece of printer paper in his hands that had handwriting on it.

Without adding another word, he handed that piece of paper to the woman.

"What is this?" She asked as she took the item and carefully examined the name and the phone number that were written down. "Barry... Allen? Who's that?" She asked, looking up at the speedster. Why was that name sounding so familiar?

"He's a CSI for the CCPD that was also taken by the same man who captured me and your husband. Matthew took care of him while we were there, you should call him. You shouldn't be alone in this, neither of you should. He can help you," suggested Barry with watery eyes hidden behind his blurring face.

"I will. Thank you, Flash," said Amanda, wiping the silent tears streaming down her face.

Smiling and nodding gratefully, the speedster took off without saying another word. He wasn't sure if he did the right thing by pushing himself in the grieving woman's path and Barry still had no idea if and how it was going to make him, or Amanda, feel better in the long run... except, he just knew that right now, it felt like the right thing.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

"Thanks for agreeing to meet with me," gratefully said Amanda as she let go of the CSI's strong grip before gesturing at the wooden bench behind them.

"Thank you for calling me," he answered back, tightening his beige vest around his shoulders before joining the woman on the park bench. To be truthful, he wasn't completely sure she was going to call and even less invite him to meet in person after that extended talk they had on the phone. After all, why would she meet with a complete stranger while still dealing with the loss of her husband and now taking care of a newborn baby girl?

Despite the chilly wind and the temperature that dropped since last night, it was a beautiful sunny day in Central City, completed with a couple of snowflakes dancing in the wind. Children running and laughing could be seen all around the park. Their energy was mixed with some winter joggers and people walking their dogs; not exactly the quietest place, but it was a great scenery. Both people somehow managed to find a relatively discreet spot next to the tree line where they could talk while keeping an eye on Matt and Amanda's children as the two oldest boys were playing in the slides. Not too far away, their younger sister was sleeping in her stroller under the careful eye of Amanda's sister, a beautiful, tall woman with a head of long, curly blonde hair that flowed down her back. Matthew's widow wasn't all alone in the world and that single fact alone was heart-warming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who said I can't write nice chapter ending? ;) Let's call it the calm before the storm.
> 
> Oh and if there is some SG-1 fans here, I hope you picked on my big Easter egg


	16. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Amanda meets and Barry bids farewell to his friend

"So, Barry, you told me over the phone that my husband saved your life-" Amanda started, crossing her right leg over the other one while trying to stretch her long black coat to try and cover a bit more her thin jean in this cold weather.

"In more way than one," Barry completed, agreeing in a heartbeat, interrupting the widow who put a small smile on her lips at the firm answer before continuing.

"Look, I don't mean to pry, but do you have any family? People who care and were waiting for you?" She asked gently.

The question took the hero a little off-guard; it wasn't the direction he thought the chat would take, expecting it to be more oriented toward their common loss, but he still truthfully answered.

"Yeah, I do," he said, nodding.

"It's good, I'm glad you were able to come back to them," she answered back, snorting and rubbing her nose before contemplating an invisible dot in the carpet of snow on the ground in front of her for many, many silent seconds, "I'm glad you could come. Really," she wiped a silent tear under her eyes while struggling to keep her emotions at bay. Her husband's death hadn't been in complete vain, but it didn't mean it wasn't hurting like hell.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry," apologized the speedster, moving his hands in the woman's direction, but he stopped before he could make contact, unsure if it was appropriate to hug a woman he just met.

"It's ok, it's not your fault, I just…" her words got stuck in her throat as she choked on her sobs, barely supressing a howl of pain. Her reaction prompted Barry into gently wrapping his arm around the woman's shoulders who instantly stopped to take a deep and shaky breath before continuing, "I just miss him so much," Amanda cried.

"Matt was a hero," Barry smiled softly at the good memories and letting himself slip back into them as he knew the pain was about to take over once more, "I'm really sorry I wasn't able to protect him the way he protected and took care of me. I should've been the one to…. To not make it home. Not him."

Letting go of physical contact and looking down at his wrists as the memory of his almost suicide attempt came rushing back like a runaway train, he failed to see the way his friend's widow was looking at him. It wasn't pity or regret in her eyes, it was overwhelming sympathy.

"I don't mean to pry, but it looks like what you're saying; it's the survivor's guilt talking. You need to stop blaming yourself. You and The Flash both need to stop."

Fighting off tears, Barry nodded. He wanted to stop blaming himself and get over it, he really did, but it wasn't that easy.

"What that guy caught? The one who took you two, and the Flash?"

"Yeah. He was," he replied without hesitation, "he'll never hurt anyone ever again. It's o-"

Barry stopped in the middle of his sentence as a thought suddenly struck him; it wasn't over. Sure, Hyde was dead and there was no longer any of his mindless puppets walking around that they knew of, but it was more than that. There was still one thing he needed to do.

"It's good," said Amanda, relieved by that answer. It wasn't going to dry her tears or bring the father of her children back, but if justice had been done, it was a good start toward healing.

A good start toward Amanda's healing, but not Barry's. The speedster finally knew the answer he had been searching for, but, at this instant, he needed to hold that thought and not bothered the woman with that.

"I'm sorry, Amanda, I should be the one supporting you, not the other way around," said Barry, feeling like he was abusing the good woman's time and good faith. She needed time on her own, with her loved ones, to deal with her lost. She shouldn't be wasting time with some stranger who needed his own comfort and closure.

"It's fine," she smiled genuinely, "It does help knowing his death wasn't for nothing and that at least one person was reunited with his family because of what Matthew did. He always wanted to help people and I'm glad he was able to save you."

Unable to find the right words or to stop the pit of guilt in his stomach, Barry simply stared right ahead of him. Seeing the other man wasn't about to add anything else, Amanda spoke up again.

"You should come to the funeral tomorrow. I think you need the chance to say goodbye too."

"Come to the-" Barry shifted uncomfortable, shocked by the woman's proposition, "I'm not family, I can't," sure, he wanted to say his farewell, but he missed his chance when Matt was taking his final breaths.

"Please, do," insisted Matthew's widow, "If not for him, do it for me. Seeing a breathing representation of the good he did and left behind would bring a much-needed balm."

"Alright, I'll be there. For both of you," he yielded, merely seconds later. He surely didn't think he was going to get that chance of saying goodbye again. It warmed his heart to know he would be part of the ceremony that would put his friend to rest.

Finishing his sentence, Barry turned his attention back to the playground and smiled fondly at the newly awaken baby girl being picked up from her stroller by her aunt. Lindy, that's what Amanda said her name was over the phone.

 _'Your dad will be avenged. No one else will ever endure what he and I had to go through'_ , he thought, staring at the young girl. Yes, he was going to make everything right and now he knew exactly how.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

"You guys know what's going on?" Inquired Cisco as he walked into the cortex where he and everyone of Team Flash had been mysteriously convened moments earlier by a vague text from Barry.

"I don't know," shrugged Iris, standing behind the main computers and next to her father and brother, "When Barry left home earlier, he told us he was meeting with Matthew's wife and he was supposed to come back home after. I have no idea what changed."

"How was he before leaving?" Catlin asked, having not seen the speedster in many days now, like Cisco. The young man didn't make any attempt at contacting his friends since they failed to save Matt, "is he feeling any better?"

"I... think so?" Iris answered, looking to her family for confirmation. From her perspective, Barry looked a little more at peace when he returned from his little Flash escapade, shaken up and sad, but most definitely more peaceful.

Flying papers announced the arrival of a speedster a moment before Barry appeared in the middle of the room, facing his friends and family with a strange, but determined look on his face. Whatever he was about to say or to ask, it was clear that he already had a plan in his mind.

"I need to tell you all something," he announced, forgoing formalities or introductions, "I haven't been completely truthful about my whereabouts during these 3 months I went away, after you turned me back."

"But, I thought you already came clean with us?" Spluttered Iris as she was fighting to keep at bay the feeling they had been betrayed once more. All the nervous glances from everyone around confirmed that everyone shared her feeling.

"I said the truth when I told you I went all around the world, including Canada and Europe and I wasn't lying either when I said why I came back…" corrected Barry, shaking his head and dismissing the accusation, "I just didn't tell you the real reason I travelled so far."

"Okay…" Cisco started nervously. Where was Barry heading to? Always good to know he didn't straight up lied to them when he came clear with his team, but Barry's serious expression wasn't reassuring.

"Look, while it was entertaining for a moment, the real reason I went to Europe was because I thought for a moment it would help me to find the place where Matt and I had been tortured and slowly turned into mindless slaves. I only stop searching when I realized Matt was still under the spell and looking for me, so I came back for him. I came back thinking that fixing him would fix myself… but I was wrong. Saving Matt would've helped us both, but it wouldn't have stopped people getting affected in the future, people I forgot about while Matt was still out there."

One by one, each pair of eyes started widening with realization, finally understanding where Barry was coming from and where he was going to.

"I need to go find that mystical place," Barry continued without missing a beat, "and I need to destroy it before any other sorcerer take possession of it. I need to make sure nobody will never, ever again, goes through this and endure what Matthew and I felt. Nobody in the future will never have to deal with everything I'm feeling, neither will they suffer the pain Amanda and her kids are feeling right now, to grow up without a father."

Everyone just looked straight at Barry with mixed emotions; they should've known something like that was coming. No matter what he thinks about himself currently, Barry was and always will be a hero who thinks about everyone else before himself. Or, in this case, someone thinking that healing his own broken spirit consisted of taking care of other people. Were they supposed to support him in this quest? A quest that could be quickly become dangerous? Or, better question, could they even stop him from going it if they wanted to?

"Do you know where to search?" Caitlin asked gently.

"With the research I've done and that call I just made to Constantine, I've been able to narrow it down to the South-Western part of France."

The silence that followed was a clear indication of the internal battle everyone was having as they were deciding if an intervention was needed or not.

"Guys, listen," Barry pleaded, "if I really wanted, I could take off right here, right now and you wouldn't be able to stop me to get where I need to be. Except, I'm taking the time to gather all of you to say what I'm planning. I'm done running, but I need to do this and you need to let me go. Only after I destroy this place that I'll be able to be myself again."

Obviously, there was no way to talk Barry out of it, which me it left the team with only one other option, "when are we leaving?" Cisco spoke up firmly.

"Not  _we_ , Cisco.  _Me_ ," Barry looked over to his friend, "I need to do this alone," his answer was not harsh, but firm and definitive. It was the plan.

"Barry," Protested Joe, "you can't do this alone!"

His foster son glared back at that sentence, causing the detective to correct his sentence, "I trust you, son, but it's going to be dangerous. You might need backup."

"Joe is right," Caitlin intervened "not to mention what Constantine told us when we called for his help with… your friend," the woman hesitated, bitting her bottom lip slightly as she stopped herself before she could let Matt's name slip.

"When we explained the situation to Constantine, when we told him why we needed his help again," clarified Cisco, "he pointed out how strange it was that two people in a row managed to survive the ritual. Most of the people going through it can't survive the pain and the shock."

Breaking his unshakable wall for the first time since entering the room, Barry frowned, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not sure, but you need to be extra careful," Cisco's words were laced with concerned, "you need to make sure you'll come back to us. We can't lose you man."

"I will," Barry said softly, "I promise."

Truth be told he was terrified of what he was about to do and it was breaking his heart to see everyone so desperate to come and protect him, but he needed to do this and he needed to be strong and finish the conversation before the team would succeed in convincing him to stay, "I'm sorry, but I need to do this if I want to be able to let everything that happened in my past. It's the answer I've been searching for months."

"When will you leave?" Wally asked, defeated and out of words to change Barry's mind.

"Tomorrow, right after the funeral."

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

Kneeling next to the coffin, Barry gently put his hand on it before he started to speak to the coffin.

"I'm really sorry, brother. I should've saved you. I should've been there for you when you needed me. If you can hear me…. I hope that you can forgive. I swear, I will end this, for you. For us. It wasn't in vain. I know what I have to do now. I owe you my life and I'll repay it. I just wi-" Barry had to stop himself before taking the deepest breath as he felt he was about to lose it and break down crying. Silent tears were streaming down his eyes and his hands were shaking under the effort of simply talking the painful words, "I just wish you didn't have to die because of me. I'll never forget you and if I come back from what I'm about to do, I'll keep an eye on your family. I…I'm…so, so, so sorry Matt."

Unable to keep the strength to keep going without completely breaking down, the CSI stopped. Getting up, sniffling loudly while taking deep breaths, he moved away from the coffin that held his friend. Unsure if he would be able to stay up on his weak legs, he forced himself to look away from the rest of his friend's loves ones, including the young Lindy, the little princess who was quietly sleeping in her aunt's arms. She was way too young to have any clue about what was going on and just the thought that she was about to grow older without knowing her dad just sent another wave of excruciating pain inside Barry's mind. It was without mentioning how she was probably never going to know the real reason, the real cause, why her daddy wasn't around…Unable to take it anymore, Barry backed off a bit more.

It was taking all his willpower to stay on this spot, feeling numb for the rest of the ceremony and unable to hear nor understand the words spoken by anyone else. He shouldn't be there, he didn't deserve to be with Matt's friends and family while being the reason the man was gone. It was just…wrong. The tears were still silently cascading down his red cheeks. It was a delicate hand grabbing his arm that brought Barry back to reality.

"Hey," Amanda's soft voice interrupted his thoughts as the rest of the attendees were slowly walking toward the exit of the cemetery. The funeral was over, "Don't be a stranger, all right?"

Doubting his ability to speak, Barry nodded slightly and gratefully received the arms wrapping themselves about his body. If he was to come back alive, he was definitely going to keep an eye on his friend's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment


	17. Enter Olivia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry makes his way to Europe and starts searching for the source of the power that put him under the spell. Once in France, he makes a very interesting encounter

"You have everything? You're sure?" Inquired Iris once more, worried threatening to take over her rational thoughts as the whole team was standing in the West house's living room. Part of her was still hoping for Barry to change his mind about leaving or about going on the frontline alone.

"If things get ugly, you better call. We'll join you in an instant, alright?" Cisco warned, pointing a threatening finger at his friend.

Smiling, Barry nodded before opening his arms, "I will. Come 'ere," he wrapped his arm around Cisco's body. Letting go of the hug and backing up, he scrutinized the deep frowning lines of worried in his friend's expression, "hey," he added, making eye contact with his friend, "don't worry, man. This time it won't take me three months to come back."

"Are you sure you don't want me to breach you over there now?" The engineer asked, sniffing loudly and fighting off his emotions.

"Cisco is right, you should go there directly," intervened Joe with a worried expression all over his face, "I'm trying to not sound paranoid, but how do we know there's no one left from Hyde's followers who might still be on the look-out for old prisoners' name popping up close to them?"

It was a big  _if_  based on nothing, but Joe couldn't help himself to feel the anguish spreading all over his mind and body. The detective wasn't sure if his stomach could handle letting his son go all alone on this dangerous mission, right after losing him twice for many, many months. Not showing any doubt in his features, Barry smiled with confidence.

"I appreciate the concern, but I already got that part covered, I had since I first went in Europe."

As he was talking, Barry took a US passport out of the pocket of his and opened it at the identification page, causing the team to lean forward to better look at the name written on it, Henry West. Joe couldn't help but smile fondly at the fake name his foster son decided to pick.

"Where did you get that?" Curiously asked Wally.

"Felicity..." instantly guessed Cisco before the speedster had the time to open his mouth. Who else? She surely had the skills for it, or she probably knew the right person to do so, not to mention the fact that Barry already confirmed only she knew his whereabouts during these last 3 months.

"Felicity, yes," Barry nodded in confirmation, "she made me a couple of fake credit cards under that name too."

"That surely explain why we were unable to track you down," Cisco commented, thinking out loud and causing his friend to grimace uncomfortably.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry again," Barry apologised, fearing there was another argument coming his way.

"It's okay, we already talked about this, remember?" Cisco assured him, dismissing any misunderstood, "just come back to us, okay?"

For some reasons, the engineer could barely contain the emotions surfacing as he spoke up these words, it felt like he was about to lose his friend all over again for the third time in a row.

"I will," repeated Barry, firmly grabbing Vibe's shoulder, "give me one week, two at max and I will be back."

"Hey," interrupted Iris as she took a step closer and delicately landed her hand on his cheek, causing the man to lean toward the contact, "What do you say, when you come back, that we pick up our relationship where we left it last spring?"

Inhaling deeply, Barry took the woman's hand between his own as he felt his blood pumping in his ears. So much happened since that moment on the porch after his dad died and Zoom had been defeated, 7 months ago. Barry never forgot about that kiss, but he thought the woman had somehow moved on since then.

"We'll see each other soon, I promise," he said simply, smiling tenderly before softly whispering the next words, getting them out of his mouth before his brain even had time to process what he was saying, "I love you."

For an instant, a heartbeat, the speedster almost changed his mind about leaving. Why was he doing this? Why was he about to travel halfway across the world to try and destroy a magical source that may or may not be used in the future against a couple of people while everything he needed was in Central City? Why was he doing this? Was he doing this because he needed to prove to himself he was still capable of some good or was it really to heal his broken mind? A little bit of both?

"Take care of my city while I'm gone," he finally asked while turning to the team, all of them, but especially toward Cisco before suddenly taking off without warning. He needed to leave as fast as possible before his friend would be able to convince him to stay.

Barry hadn't told the team that he called Constantine a second time, after the funerals, so they could both share every information they had about the possible location of their target. The only thing they knew for sure was that it was in the south-west part of France and it was in a very, very ancient location. No matter how hard Barry was trying to remember anything useful, he kept on coming up empty, mostly. It was all darkness, pain, cold and loneliness. In his nightmares, he would sometimes dream about himself being secured to the ceiling or to the wall in this cold and humid location in the middle of a torture session. Occasionally, even after waking up, he would still feel the ghost pain of the knives cutting deep into his skin or the acid flowing down his agonizing body. These dreams, nightmares, were always the same.

Some legends that came to Constantine's knowledge suggested spells of that sort had been used since the Antiquity or maybe even before that, so it had to be some very ancient location placed in a retreat enough spot so that random people wouldn't stumble onto it every day. Their best common guess; the source was probably located somewhere in the Lot area, in France. This region had a lot of green spaces, valley, forests, and caves, some of them which had been occupied for many, many thousands of years. There had been known pilgrimage in that area for almost a thousand years, especially toward the old medieval fortress of Rocamadour; an imposing and breathtaking city built right into the steep cliff. Could some of these pilgrimages had anything to do with the magical source? Maybe? Hard, if not impossible, to tell...

Was it really there? The world sure was a big place. It was a long shot, but it was as good of a place as any to start searching. Maybe he should've told his team where he was heading first, in case something terribly wrong was about to happen... too late for that.

*****FLASHFLASHFLASH*****

Four days. That's for how long Barry had been searching in France, in the Lot area. There were so many places to look at and so many people he could, and did, interrogated. He really, really tried, but so far, there had been no luck. Not that Barry was really expecting an easy answer from anyone since most normal people wouldn't know what to look for and the ones who actually had a clue on the actual location wouldn't open their mouth so easily. But still, it was getting frustrating.

On the fourth day, Barry finally decided to go all the way to the medieval city of Rocamadour, the place he avoided at first considering how touristy it was. No tourist would know anything about what he was searching for, but, if he was lucky, the guides and local vendors might have heard of some legends around these parts. Maybe he should've started his search there.

Under any other circumstances, it might have been a thrilling experience to walk on this historic paved road, right under the shadow of that imposing and impregnable fortress proudly standing on the mountainside and at the top of the hill. Except it wasn't  _under any other circumstances_.

"Are you sure there's nothing else more ancient around here?" Asked Barry, leaning against the counter of this small tourist shop, set up in an old medieval building like the rest of them on this street. For the past hours, he had been repeating his questions at least a hundred times to countless vendors.

"There's the Grotte des Merveilles and the Grotte des Linars close by, as I said, but you can't go inside," replied the tall vendor man with a heavy French accent, struggling with his pronunciation.

Barry sighed; he was going nowhere with his search. But, to be fair, what was he really expecting? It's not like what he was searching for was straight on a tourist map, it wouldn't be too convenient to torture people while there's French tourists taking pictures in the back. Still, he hoped that one of the shopkeepers would know some apparently trivial pieces of information that would end up being crucial for his quest.

"Thanks anyway," he said, turning around as he tuned out the annoyed vendor grumbling in the back. That man was probably happy to finally see that strange and annoying American tourist deciding to leave him alone and stop with his questions.

Clearly, Barry wasn't going to get anything out of the locals, not that he was blaming them. Maybe he wasn't looking at the right place after all. Dragging his feet out of the shop, lost in his thoughts, he didn't even notice the frail female form going in the opposite direction before that other person suddenly connected with him and sent him off balance, leaving him staggering on his feet to keep his balance. While Barry managed to stay upright, the other person wasn't as successful as him; landing on her ass on the ground while the content of her grocery bag exploded all over the millennium old paved street.

"Oh my... I am so sorry," stuttered the speedster as he rushed in to help the young woman. He swiftly helped her back on her feet before kneeling to pick her fresh supplies.

"Don't worry about it," answered back the woman with a perfect American accent. She definitely wasn't some French or British tourist on her vacation, "I should've paid more attention to where I was going."

"I was lost in my thoughts, that's my bad," counter-argued Barry as he finished picking up the food and putting it back in the plastic bag before getting up.

The woman chuckled as they were both apologizing like Canadians. Finally, back on his feet, Barry took the time to examine the person standing in front of him; she was very young, no more than 20 years old and she wasn't very tall either as she was almost a full head shorter than the speedster. Her long blonde hairs were attached in a single braid going all the way to the middle of her back and while it was hard to tell under her black coat, she looked thin. Her piercing green eyes were the second thing Barry noticed as the woman also seemed to be carefully scrutinizing his features, frowning.

"Do I know you? You do look familiar," she asked seriously.

"I don't think so?" Replied Barry as he looked closer at her, "I'm not from around here, but, judging from your accent, neither are you I believe."

"Oh, I've been living here for some time now," she quickly, maybe too quickly, answered back while playing with her braid and bringing it over her right shoulder, "but you're perceptive, I haven't been living here my whole life. I've recently moved from America," she smiled before suddenly extended with her right arm, "where are my manners? I'm Olivia, nice to meet you."

"I'm B... Henry," quickly corrected the speedster before shaking the small hand.

"Well, hello Henry. Glad you found your way here; the view is great. You're visiting from America I'm guessing?" She gently asked, her lips twitching at the question.

Wait, did she...? Just a second, Barry tensed up, fearing his cover had been blown. It was only to realize how stupid his reaction was; it wasn't that difficult to guess.

"How do you... oh right, the accent," he guessed as his expression relaxed, but not completely. There was just something about this woman he couldn't put his finger on.

Olivia smiled and nodded quickly. If she saw his tensed reaction, she showed no sign of it as she added, "are you enjoying your time in Roucamadour?"

"It's an incredible place, it's just... I was looking for something a little less crowded and a bit more ancient, you know?" He said innocently while gesturing at the good size of the tourist crowds walking all around despite the temperature close to the freezing point. While he was still at that location, might as well try and ask his questions to everyone he could find.

The blonde girl seemed to really consider her next answer carefully, it looked like she was pondering her options as her right hand, the one that wasn't holding the bag, was fidgeting inside her jacket's pocket. The small details weren't lost to the trained CSI's eyes.

"You know," she finally answered after a few moments of hesitation, "I heard of a place off the path that you could look at. There's a very ancient cave to the South West from here that very few people know about it."

Really? That's interesting and easy.

"What's there to see?" He asked nonchalantly, "how do I find it?"

"I just heard it's a pretty unique location. If you take highway D32, once you're past the Dolmen, a few miles south, just go west and off the trail. It's not so far from the end of the Ouysse river and close to the cliff," as she was talking, Olivia was playing with a wick of golden hair that found itself loose from the braid, before pushing it behind her ear.

Looking away in the orange sunset, Barry pondered on the information he just got. Was it worth looking into? It wasn't much and it was one hell of a lucky meeting, but it was the only lead he had since landing to that continent. Was it coincidence? Or something else? Adjusting his bag pack on his shoulder, his attention returned to the woman and he smiled at her.

"That sound like an interesting place. Thank you, Olivia," he offered once more his hand.

"You're welcome. Take care of yourself," she added, responding to the gesture as she shook his hand again.

"You too," said the speedster before striding away a couple of steps toward the next alley.

"Oh!" Suddenly exclaimed the woman, prompting Barry to turn around once more, "just remember to not be afraid to walk toward the bear, he'll protect you."

"Okay..." Barry replied confused and frowning, what was that supposed to mean? Nodding anyway, he turned around and quickly disappeared between the tourists and heading toward the quickest exist of this site, impatient to check out if the information would lead him where he needed to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Closing to the end...let me know what you thought of that chapter and Olivia, do you trust her?
> 
> Oh and go google Rocamadour if you didn't know about this place. It IS breathtaking . Went there one and a half year ago and couldn't resist adding it to my story. If you have to go to France, take the time to go visit it. Just don't go off the trails or you'll end up being soul-wash into a heartless fanfic writer who enjoy torturing her characters way too much ;)


	18. Follow the bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry follows the instructions of the mysterious Olivia to search for the cave

Slowly and carefully advancing in the forest; Barry just couldn't get this woman, Olivia, out of his head. There was something about her. And, it wasn't just because of her precise indications or the mysterious tip she said about following a bear, there was more to her than that. There was something about Olivia that sounded, looked, familiar, but he just couldn't put his finger on why that was or what was it. After leaving the road and the trail, the speedster had been following Ouysse river's stream for a couple of miles and was now striding along toward his goal. It seemed like, by the second, the forest was getting less dense as he was slowly, but surely, getting closer to a clearing. The mountain was standing high and proud not that far away, straight ahead on the speedster's path.

Fair enough, after a couple of more minutes' walk, the speedster finally reached out of the trees line and in the relatively big clearing where the water flow turned into a small, but peaceful lake. Sure, the speedster could've sped his way from the road to that point, but he preferred to take his time to make sure he wouldn't miss any details surrounding him. Not to mention how he was hoping to get a sight of what Olivia was referring when she talked about that bear, which wasn't easy with the sun coming down and the snowflakes falling from the sky. To be honest, Barry had no idea if there was even bears in that region to begin with; there probably were some sorts of animals around, but he hadn't seen any. Not to mention that now, when he finally took a pause to breath in the fresh air and observe his surrounding a little more closely, he also noticed how silent it was. By silent, he meant that he couldn't even hear a single bird singing. The realization sent a chill down his spine, there just was something in the atmosphere. On the bright side it probably meant that he was approaching his target, but it also probably meant that he was closing on some sinister magical site. Straight ahead, on the other side of the lake, Barry noticed the pronounced irregularities of the land between the grass and the mountain standing behind it.

Frowning, he super sped himself as close as he could to the massive rock, suddenly finding himself at the top of a cliff separating the land from the mountain and a deep one at that. Carefully approaching the edge, Barry inhaled sharply as he looked down; it was at least many hundred feet deep with lots of sharpened rocks waiting at the bottom to receive any reckless traveller. Simply no chance of survival if someone was to fall from that place. That crevasse was also a large one with at least a good hundred feet. Not that jumping it was really an option considering there was no land or rock platform on the other side to land on, or no entry inside the mountain, just a tall and imposing wall of rock.

There just had to be a cave around since Barry was sure he was exactly, or at least very close to, the emplacement he received indications for by Olivia. After all, it was the first stiff cliff he's seen and he was standing at the end of the river. Unless he missed something at another end of that long river. Just as he was about to turn around and speed away, something caught the eagle eye of the CSI; straight on the mountain side was an engraving in the rock, something that looked like the drawing of a four legged and strong animal. Was that some sort of... cougar? No, too round and too heavy looking, was it... it could look like a bear.

Unconsciously taking a step closer to the cliff edge to take a closer look, he suddenly jumped back out of surprise and fear, did he just?

"What the..." he murmured to himself.

For just a second there, he could've sworn he saw the eyes, or where the eyes should be on the drawing, shine.

"It's just the sun's reflection," said the speedster, hand on his racing heart.

 _Just remember to not be afraid to walk toward the bear, he'll protect you,_  Olivia's words were resonating in his mind and he just kept on repeating them in a loop, over and over.

Was that what she meant? Was that the bear he was supposed to trust? How? He couldn't get close enough to touch it and even if he had jumped over a way larger canyon, there was nowhere to land before he could reach that engraving. Even if he could find a way to reach it, somehow, what was he supposed to do? Touch it? Chant an incantation he didn't know? No, Olivia didn't say anything about touching or chanting, she said to walk. Walk toward the bear.

His heart wasn't even done slowing down to a normal rhythm that it instantly started picking up the pace again at the thought that suddenly assaulted his mind; was he supposed to simply walk over the void to reach his target? The only thing he had to rely on was the vague enigma of a mysterious young woman he randomly stumbled onto while grasping at straws in a touristic site. His instincts were telling him that he could, needed, to trust Olivia. Her directions were too specific to be random, but Barry's rational mind couldn't stay calm at this crazy idea. For all he knew, that woman could be leading him into a trap or to his death,

Since becoming the Flash, he had learned to trust his instincts and to follow his guts, could he still do it? If Olivia gave him the right instructions, he could only be steps away to end all his suffering and get everything that happened with Hyde in the past. He could be steps away from avenging Matt's death. Taking the deepest of breath and straightening his body, Barry locked his knees so they wouldn't fail him. Once he was as stable as he could be, both physically and emotionally, he slowly advanced at a crawling pace toward the edge, not daring to look down.

"I sure hope you're right about this," he said, unsure if he was talking to his instincts or to Olivia, knowing she had no way to hear him now.

The next step was either going to be his death or the discovery of a way to finally heal his broken spirit. Lifting his right foot in the air, he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. The next instant, as he advanced his foot forward and over the edge, he inhaled sharply and his eyes snapped open before he could touch the ground as his survival instincts were suddenly kicking in and hitting him in the stomach like a tone of rock. What the...was he doing?

Too late, his body was already in motion and he couldn't regain his balance by staying on the spot he started from. Frozen in dread, he couldn't scream or make any single sound as he started plunging toward the depth and his certain death...Except, the fall barely lasted a second and the young CSI body softly landed on a fresh and cold snow carpet with his bag back falling off from his right shoulder and on the ground next to him. With his eyes wide open and his heart threatening to jump on his chest, Barry dared to look behind him at the lake and forest to see the same view he had behind him just a second ago. All of this, the cliff, had been a simple illusion. What looked like a mortal trap was simply a protective magical barrier blocking the view made to dissuade any adventurer walking off the path to stumble unknowingly on that location.

Looking at his bag next to him, Barry silently cursed himself for not thinking about throwing some rock, a branch or even his bag, anything, in the void first. Anything, except himself. Damn, talk about an adrenaline rush! His whole body was shaking from it and he felt lightheaded for a second. Good thing Oliva was trustworthy. Or, was she really? No doubt now that she knew a lot, a lot more than what she said and showed. She wasn't some random person who heard some vague rumors or myth in a bar or anything like that.

If she was a prisoner of some sort, she wouldn't be walking around like that, unscarred. Maybe...maybe she was working with the bad guys. If she was… why? Why guide Barry? Was that a trap? If it was, it was a bad plan as there was no one in sight. There were bushes and some trees on each side of the speedster and straight ahead; a cave opening. Immediately, as Barry's eyes spotted the entrance, a quick flashback passed in his mind. Yes, he recognized that place and had been there before. It was most definitely the right place and his adrenaline wasn't about to go down from all the mixed emotions; fear, hope, anxiety, anticipation…

Voices loudly discussing were echoing from inside the cave and closing in.

"Damn, better hide," whispered Barry to himself, his eyes scanning around for the best hideout, only realizing now that he was sitting in the open. Hidden from the rest of the world, yes, but at the mercy of everyone inside the magical field. Rushing at super speed, he ran behind the tree line and knelt behind the largest tree just as a short, but strong man came out of the cave. The new arrival was looking around with his black ponytail moving with the wind as the man was scrutinizing his surroundings from right to left and back. A second man, with darker skin, short and messed up blond hair and with a scar running down his face, followed closely behind and opened his mouth first.

"You heard something?"

"Thought I did, is that stupid blonde back yet?"

These two obviously didn't care about being careful and discreet. But, to be fair, why would they? They were living in a retreated cave protected by a magical field keeping away everyone who didn't know that the cliff was just an illusion, meaning almost everyone. Everyone except the people involved, plus Barry and that woman earlier, Olivia. How did she know? Was she working with them? By the sound of it, if the stupid blonde was Olivia, it confirmed that they indeed knew her, but it didn't sound like they were the best of BFF.

"Not yet. But she better come back fast before I get too hungry," grumbled the tallest one, on the edge of aggressiveness.

"Alec, you never fear she'll never come back?" Inquired the smallest one, finally turning around and looking seriously at his companion.

"Naah, not a chance," the other man snorted, the one named Alec apparently, "she wouldn't dare defy us and risk her family's lives."

That remark had the man with long black hair laughing in a nasty way like he just heard the funniest joke, "that's too bad there's no one left in America anywhere close to them. I sure don't have time to lose moving my ass to the US just to kill a family that's probably just as useless as her."

"Yeah, same," answered Alec, laughing back before darkness passed in his eyes and his mouth twitched in disgust and anger, "all of this is because that stupid Ghost betrayed us. We should've let him die right here and use his body as firewood," picturing the scene in his mind, the man rubbed his hands together and smiled sadistically, "oh, believe me, if one day I do go to America, that girl's family can do whatever they want, but I will get my hands on that speedster and he'll pay."

"Come on, let's get back inside, it's getting cold."

Jimmy. That was the name of the second man, Barry just knew it now. That voice, that figure, he had seen it many times. He remembered it now.

For many minutes, Barry just kept his kneeling position as he was trying to figure out his next move while making sure the two men weren't about to come back anytime soon. The easiest thing to do would just be to rush in, full speed, make a quick check in to make sure there was no victim left in there and find a way to destroy this place. Easy, right? It would be if the man's feeling could stop trying to tear his mind and body apart; every fibre of his body was terrified of going back in there, even if he almost didn't have any fully clear memory of that place or at least none lasting more than a second or two. His broken, unconscious, mind remembered everything. The urge to jump in and take revenge on these two men were high, even killing them passed in his brain. No, he was not the monster they made him into.

"Come down, calm down," he whispered to himself, he could do this. Slowly, he got his breathing back under control.

What were they even still doing in there? Were they waiting for another victim? Or there was one already inside? But, who was their boss if Hyde was long gone? Only if these were the only thoughts bothering Barry, except they weren't. The speedster still couldn't get Olivia out of his mind. Where was she fitting in all of this?

Time for questions would need to wait as the speedster closed his eyes for a second, gathering himself before reopening them with sparkles of electricity flashing bright. Time for payback and justice. In a fraction of a second, his took his Ghost suit out of his backpack and changed into it before straightening up. The snowfall was slowly but surely getting more intense as the man tried his best to hide his bag with his clothes and cards in the bushes and the snow against the side of the cave. Hopefully it will only take a moment and after...time to go home. He smiled tenderly at the thought that he was finally coming home, that tomorrow he was going to be on the first plane bonded for Central City.

"Let's do this," he said, before flashing inside the cave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment, always deeply appreciated
> 
> One last chapter remaining, stay strong guys.


	19. Final Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry give a final try at destroying the place that caused him and Matt so much suffering

Entering the site, Barry forced himself to not look at the used red carpet under his feet, seeing, even in the dim light, darker spots splattered on its worn surface. These spots were without a doubt remains of all the blood lost by an unknown amount of victim who got brutally dragged inside and outside this place. The cave's main hallway was barely lighted by some old mine's lamps placed on the left side of the rock wall and attached to each other by an unending and hanging electric line. There surely was a generator somewhere to power it all.

Speeding around, Barry entered and exited every small piece one by one, half of them looking like natural formations, while the other half looked to have been dug by rudimentary tools a long, long time ago. Moving along, his nose creased at the musty smell while the cold and humidly filling the cave had him shivering, unless his physical symptoms were directly linked to his fear and uneasiness to be back there. One room was full of wooden crates while the next one had two dirty beds and another one looked like a makeshift kitchen with mainly a dirty looking wooden table, a campfire and worn shelves. Examining closely all the furniture in the room, Barry frowned when he noticed the makeshift pillow made from a pile of dirty clothes on the carpet in the corner of the room with an incredibly filthy looking wool blanket next to it. While that spot didn't look too comfortable, it surely wasn't where the prisoners were sleeping. Barry would know a thing or two about that...

Leaving the kitchen and continuing his inspection, Barry stumbled into a familiar room that instantly made him nauseous: shackles were secured to the ceiling, blood was all over the rock floor and a table holding countless knives and all sorts of sharp objects was standing in the corner. Flashbacks violently assaulted his mind and just for a moment, he stopped running and froze, feeling the urge to scream in horror while his stomach turned and almost sent his whole content up in the speedster's throat. For one endless second, he thought he was a prisoner here once more, one slowly getting transformed into a mindless puppet. The ghost pains in his limbs and body, at this very instant, felt so real that it was taking all of Barry mental straight to stay on his feet. He needed to get out of there. Flashing back in the rock hallway, he bent down, hands on his knees, and took a deep shaky breath.

"It's over, it's okay...it's okay... you're okay," he repeated to himself, feeling on the verge of hyperventilating. Oh God.

There's nothing in the world that Barry wouldn't have given up right now to be standing here with his friends. Or, at least, to have them talking in his ears. In this cold, dark, and hopeless place, surrounded by the dark memories and on the verge of going full on PTSD, he just never felt so alone. Well, except if you count that time he was a prisoner there. Straightening himself back up and regaining control of his emotion, for the time being, Barry started racing again against the pain in his stomach.; he needed to find the source of that place's power and finish his task as fast as possible. And by fast, he meant end this before losing it completely.

Why hadn't he allowed his team to come? Or just Cisco, at the very least?

It wasn't long until the cave hallway separated itself into two wide openings. Right or left? Barry stopped once again, just for an instant, to make his decision. Maybe left, considering how the path was going down and deeper under the ground. How would that help? Call it an educated guess.

And a right one at that. Going under the mountain, Barry started hearing a water stream and the sound grew stronger as he was advancing. Was the magical source an underground source? Reaching the lowest point of the cave, Barry walked under another opening to finally reach a small glistening pond. The pure looking water was sparkling despite the absence of any opening in the rock to let the sun passes. All that was left to light the circular room were countless torches disposed all around the area.

In the middle of the source was a ferocious bear statue standing tall on his hind legs with his claws and fangs all out; ready for battle.

"Really? A bear, again?" Quietly mumbled Barry under his breath.

Last time he had to destroy a magical artefact, the Fountain of youth, all it took was a lightning throw, so might as well try it again. Worth the shot, right? Speeding again, Barry ran again and again and again around the pond as he was gathering all the energy he needed for his powerful attack. Just one throw, or two just to be on the safe side and it will be time to get out of here. Just one more second…Ready!

With all the strength he had, Barry just threw his energy weapon straight at the target, instantly connecting with it. It cracked, sure did, and the ground shook for a second. Except, nothing else happened. All right, let's try this another time. He returned running in circle, round and round and round for another try. Hopefully, this time was going to be the right one. Connecting the lightning to the target once more, Barry didn't have to wait too long to see if his attack had any effect; he barely had time to stop running before a strong shock wave was sent all over the room and caused a sudden, painful, and burning sensation all over the hero's body. Clenching his jaws and gritting his teeth together, Barry barely contained a scream of pain as he fell on his knee.

What the hell was happening?

Closing his eyes for a moment, just one, Barry tried his best to get his breathing back under control. Except, one second was all it took for the situation to go from this-is-bad to this-is-really-really-really-bad, Barry suddenly gasped and screamed as a sharp pain suddenly erupted in his lower abdomen. Looking down, his vision blurred by tears, his gaze fell on a brown wooden knife handle that had his blade hidden and deeply buried in his guts.

Raising his head up, the hero's glance was greeted by the fire and rage burning bright in the eyes of the adversary who just attacked him; Jimmy. Of course. Why hadn't Barry finished checking out all the rooms before going full on destructive mode? He had been made aware of the presence of at least two men in there, he should've found and taken them out right away as his main priority. Except, when he entered the room in which he got tortured in for so long, all got forgotten, all but destroying this dark place. Without any doubt, coming alone was one of the worst ideas Barry ever had. When did that man enter the room anyway? With the hammer still loudly throbbing in his head, Barry didn't hear a thing about when his adversary approached his position.

"You! Again! You've ruined everything!" angrily roared the other man, pressing the blade a little more until there was no part of the blade out of the wound, causing Barry to screech again in agony.

As the scream died, Barry was left gasping for air and weakly struggling to push away the hands on his body. His efforts only resulted in widening other man's sadistic smile as Jimmy started to twist, slowly, his weapon inside the wound, enjoying every bit of the hero's screams as they grew louder, increasingly resembling to the cry of a dying animal. Without warning, Jimmy harshly kicked his victim in the stomach, next to the knife's position, sending his enemy backward.

"ARRG. Gosh!" Barry screamed through his teeth when his back brutally connected with the hard rock under.

He could feel his consciousness staggering and threatening to leave, but a kick in his side kept him grounded in reality and forced his eyes wide open.

"There, there, don't black out on me," Jimmy smiled victoriously from ear to ear, "I want to see the look in your eyes when life will leave it."

So, was that how he was supposed to die? Was that the end of the line? No, it couldn't be. The images of his friends and family were strong in his mind, he just wanted to see them one more time, he just needed to get up and fight. Except…

Oh no. His powers; they weren't working. He simply couldn't vibrate or get back on his feet to escape the other man and it wasn't just because of the pain overwhelming every fibre of his body; he couldn't feel the Speed-Force anymore. Gasping in shock and agony, Barry weakly struggled again, even knowing it was in vain; if he was going down he wasn't going to go down without a fight. As predicted, the only gain he managed to obtain was to scrap his suit and back against the sharp rocks and cause his adversary to giggle even louder.

Without a miracle, it was hopeless.

 _'I'm so sorry Iris... Cisco... Caitlin... Joe…'_  he thought as life was leaving his battered body at the same rate than his blood flowing under him.

Just as Barry was about to give up and wait the inevitable, the whole cavern got shaken up as the ground growled like a furious animal ready to lunge on his prey. The attack came in the form of another powerful shock wave, one that instantly knocked the standing man off his feet and brutally tossed him on the rock wall with a sickening and resonating cracking sound. A sound that Barry didn't hear as blinding pain was spreading in his head, making him feel like his brain was about to explode.

Both his hands flew against his forehead and his nails dug deep into his skin, well pass the bleeding point, as the excruciating agony he was enduring in the moment even had him forgot about his critical wound in his abdomen. Was that how dying felt like? The piercing howl leaving his lips didn't even reach his ears, nor did he feel his now bleeding nose. The first thing that did come back to his senses was a resonating creak, one that would make people believe the whole Earth was splitting in two. Maybe it was.

Pieces of the rock ceiling, including some huge ones too, were falling down on the ground. One as big as half the size of the speedster's head crushed right next to his face; the whole place was about to come down and bury everyone inside!

"Come on, Barry, get up or die," the speedster encouraged himself, not even caring how illogical was that thought. Where was he supposed to go once out of that place? He was still badly injured and far, far away from any sort help...

But still, his instincts needed, wanted, him to go back to those he loved and see them one more time, one final time before drawing his final breath. He needed to get back to them, to...wait, to who? He could discern their faces, the faces of his loved ones, but for some reason their names were a blur. What was happening? Barry stopped in dread; why was he having such a hard time focusing on the names of the people closest to his heart?

No. No time to think about that now. With adrenaline rushing and flooding through his veins, he managed to grab a hold on the knife still deep in his stomach with one hand, trying to stabilize it as much as possible, before pushing himself into a seated position. The sight awaiting once he got into that new position had him gasp; slumped against the wall, straight in front of Barry, was Jimmy, a very dead Jimmy with his skull cracked open. The older man was staring at the hero with his still opened eyes, eyes completely empty of all life.

"Oh gosh," muttered Barry between his tightly clenched teeth.

If it wasn't for the ceiling about to crush him dead at any moment now he would've given himself a moment to catch his breath. The still panting hero was struggling to get any air in or out.  _'Come on...Hen-...Barry, get up.'_  He encouraged himself.

Using the rock that fell next to his head as support, Barry pushed himself on his knees at an agonizingly slow pace, staggering for a moment before finally getting back up. The pain...oh God, that pain in his guts and his head. Barry was worried that he was about to pass out at any second. No, not now, he wasn't going to finish his days buried in rumbles. Every single step was pure torture as Barry badly limped out of the room and up the hill, right from where he came from, desperate to escape. With every step he advanced, more blood was lost on the cave's floor. His life was escaping between his fingers that were uselessly pressed against the wound.

He knew it, deep down; he might get out of this cave alive, but he wasn't going to go back home, he wasn't going to survive much longer without urgent and intensive medical care. He was going to die alone and cold in a foreign continent.

"He…elp!" Strangled pleads for help had the speedster stopping in his slow and desperate try to reach for outside.

Right there, not that far from the entrance, laid Alec on the ground with his legs trapped under an oversize debris. Should he assist? For one moment, Barry really did feel the urge to help that man, despite everything he did-Wait. What had he done? Who was he for that matter? What was happening? First the names of his friends, now this? Something was terribly wrong with that place, Barry needed to get out NOW.

Pain erupting in his right shoulder as it was hit from another sharp rock put his priorities back into place. It was leave now or be killed. He needed to keep going and that's what he did. One step at the time, one foot in front of the other.

The instant Barry put his foot outside was the moment his knees and his whole body finally failed him and sent him crashing, on his side, in the cold snow where he laid there, motionless, too weak for any attempt at getting up. Slowly blinking at the snowstorm, which was getting blurrier by the moment as dark spotted were dancing in front of the speedster's eyes, Barry chuckled drunkenly at the realization he wasn't even shaking in the fast decreasing temperature. His laugher doubled in magnitude as he took conscious of his non-serious attitude under these circumstances, maybe it was because of the blood loss and the way the snow under his inert form was getting stained by the red liquid.

Everything was drifting away; his consciousness was slowly leaving him. Goodbye world, he wasn't coming back from this mission. A voice screaming was the last outside stimuli he received from the outside world, unless it was just the wind and his imagination…

Where was he anyway?

How did he end up there?

What happened?

Who….

Who was he?

**THE. END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave one last comment. What did you think of that ending?
> 
> Let me know in the comments if anyone is interested in me posting a third story for this adventure or you had enough of it. If you chose to not embark in the final chapter/story, I'll still always be grateful for all the fun we had in this story. 'til we meet again guys.


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